Thinking Messes Up Your Alcohol

One of the perks of having a phone with a camera is that any stupidity you see that lasts for more than 30 seconds has a very good chance of lasting forever.

Take for example this picture. I saw this poster in the chinese restaurant that I frequent during lunchtime. In case you cant read the captions properly, it says "The more you drink, the more you get confused

Yes, it just had to be in red colors.


To be fair, in case you're wondering what they were trying to achieve by stating the obvious, they were actually selling, in case you cant read chinese, the top of the poster says "CONFUCIUS WINE".

You read it right.

Apparently the Philosopher was so enlightened by his own teachings, he actually decided to enlighten thousands of other would-be-profounds by selling them alcohol that gets them "Confused".

I won't beat around the bush anymore. WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING?

Was it because Confucius sounded so similar to "confused" that they just had to do the word play? Was the urge just too strong? You can dabble with bad marketing ideas for selling wine and not come up with a worse marketing ploy that to tell people what your product actually does. You can do that with software, you can do that with cars, hell you can do that with politicians (though you'd have to lie a great deal about the difference between theory and actual practice) BUT I'll be damned if that will get alcohol, cigarettes and druggies sold.

I bet if we hired the same idiots who made this poster to promote Marlboros, they'd be using the Surgeon General's warning as a caption. "Marlboro: Cigarette Smoking is Bad For Your Health." Team Obvious saves the day - and kills the sales.

Maybe I should start my own brands of wine that can be placed beside Confucius Wine. Like:

Mencius Wine,
the more you drink,
the more men you get
for the homosexual in you.

or

Lucious Wine,
the more you booze,
the more you lose
because everybody loves losers like you.
or at least you think they do

Oh man, I can't wait to break open a bottle of Lucious. Probably on the head of whoever though of the Confucius Wine tagline, preferably between the softspot of the back of his skull and his spinal column, a hundred times over.

And it'll be the sweetest red wine ever.