On Microblogging

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Nowadays you can link your cellphone to your twitter/plurk account to your blogger account which you can link to your facebook account and you can say one thing once and have it heard by everybody in five different ways and people will think it's normal.

If you did this 20 years ago, telling somebody where you last ate via phone, Fax, snailmail, and telegram, they'd just think you're being an over-important asshole.

Microblogging kinda reflects the fast-paced mindset of people today. No longer do we need to go about reflecting at the end of the day of the things that transpired so we can calmly and collectively write about it in a single journal entry. It's now all about one liner bullet points that you write as you go, which is good for two things. First because you probably wont remember anymore about what's happening given the fast paced nature of life nowadays and second, because chances are, a short note is about as much as the average technofag's attention capacity can hold.

I'm not saying microblogging is a bad thing. Shorter messages tend to get composed faster, get remembered better, and travel faster. Brevity is the soul of wit, as well as of not making a lot of grammatical mistakes. People sound more intelligent when they say less. It clearly has its advantages when put to good use, but not so frequently it becomes retarded. Throwing short messages in rapid succession isn't being witty. It's the literary form of stuttering.

As for people who are saying microblogging is a replacement of journal writing, I do no think that's the case. If ever, it's only a complementary device. See, the thing about the things we write online is that unlike the many stupid things that our parents did when they were young, ours is permanent and chances are, 20, 30 years on, our kids will be reading what we wrote online. Granted literacy does not become as extinct as structured writing, would you really want your kids to learn that your entire literary legacy is a bunch of one-line accounts of what happened on an hourly basis?

We'd probably not be reading Anne Frank's story as much if it's in a format of one liners filled with emoticons and LOLs.


Yeah, that.

Friday Word Of The Day: Anxiety

Friday, May 29, 2009

Anxiety (noun.)
- (psychiatry) a relatively permanent state of worry and nervousness occurring in a variety of mental disorders, usually accompanied by compulsive behavior or attacks of panic

- A vague unpleasant emotion that is experienced in anticipation of some (usually ill-defined) misfortune

- Walking home with a failing grade in one hand and a 50k tuition fee bill on the other

- The sensation four days after an AIDs test. (which takes about 5 days)

- A feeling associated with being called to the manager's office after your company publishes a promise to downsize 1,000 people in their workforce within the year

- Being one of the countless women Dr. Hayden Kho slept with, and feverishly wondering 24/7 if you're one of the alleged 40 women he's made a sex video of.

(feel free to add more)

This Blog is A Mess

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I was tweaking earlier with the template, forgot to back it up, and managed to wipe the entire frigging template's finder details. Yeah. Screwed up, I know.

update: On second thought, scratch that. Thank God I made older backups.

MRT Etiquette

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

a corned beef ad. how fitting.

The general law of MRT etiquette, as stated by Bob Ong many years ago, goes something like this:

No matter what, there is no reason for you to push. If you're late, that's not our problem.

When falling in line entering the MRT station, do everybody a favor by going with the right thing. FALL IN THE DAMN LINE. If in the confusion of falling in line, your companions get seperated, do not worry. They will not be kidnapped by the Abu Sayyaf. Nobody kidnaps people who can't afford personal transportation when there are better alternatives around (like people from La Salle and Ateneo). There is no reason for you to force them to cut the damn line just to be with you.

Ladies, understand that both the station and the trains will be packed and understandably, people will inevitably brush against you. Despite what your brain might be thinking, not everybody is interested in grabing your breasts. A .25 second titty contact with an elbow is probably accidental, specially if you're old/ugly/a man with tits/all of the above.

When waiting to board the train, don't be an asshole by blocking the middle path of the train doors. People are supposed to come out and the longer you stand in their way, the longer people won't be able to go in. You don't stick your finger up your ass for a reason. The same applies to trains.

The poles in the train exist so people can have something to hold on to while the train is moving. To guys out there, please resist the urge to lean, hug, molest the poles. One, it's not hygienic. Two, poledancing men in public is frowned upon by most of us (except probably the well-dressed man at the back who has this weird smile)

To the ladies again, timecheck. We're in the 21st century. As far as I know, we've already settled that equality problem a few decades back. If you can't find a seat and you see a man sitting, it's not his RESPONSIBILITY to stand up and give you her seat unless you're old, sick, pregnant, or irrisitably sexual in nature.

The emergency exit "handle" above the doors is not meant for people to hold on to. Don't be a stupid sunnovabitch and keep your hands off it if you don't feel like repainting the railway with your brainjuice.

We all have cellphones, and I bet your cellphone is so awesome, it can actually play any type of music anywhere you are. It's good to take advantage of technology, but you know what other technology you should be aware of? EARPHONES. Nobody gives a shit if you like listening to Poker Face to prep you up for a day answering breadtoaster support calls from Utah. Keep your music to yourself.

Speaking of loud things, conversations are allowed, but keep them to a minimum. What works in the fleamarket doesn't inside a train. Keep subjects within the general patronage level. Your chismis about your neighbor's new venerial wart can wait until you and your friend are out of the train where we won't have ear hemmorage.

When making phonecalls, understand that the train makes very loud sounds. Don't shout to make your message heard. Use SMS for one of the few legitimate reasons it was made for.

We do not want to learn about how busy your day was through your body odour. When travelling during morning, brush your teeth and take a bath. It's what Jesus would do. In the afternoon, try to freshen up a bit before riding the MRT.

Lastly, I cannot stress this enough. Before you do anything, think if you'd want it done to you. Don't be an asshole. Nobody likes assholes. Except maybe sexually active homosexuals.

But you get the point.

I Heart You Online Video And Lyrics

I very rarely feature songs here, but if this doesn't fall in the d'awww cute video category, I don't know what else will. I Heart You Online is a song about facebook, and probably the massive swath of stalkers produced by the current generation of teenagers.

Cutesy lyrics after the jump.

I Heart You Online

Every morning I wake up with lingering dreams of you and my heart is beguile.
I struggle to think just what else I can do, then log into my favourite online social networking website
I want to be in your profile picture
I want to be a permanent fixture on your wall
You're so beautiful
Wish I could be in your profile status
Featuring the place where you update us
Maybe then i'll hug you online
I heart you online.

I can see from you information you like japanese animation and stir fry
well so do I
I read the books that you love reading
I must say you're quite appealing.
Maybe you can poke me sometime
I heart you online.
I heart you online.

Ba da ba da da baa
Ba da ba da da baa
Da da da da da da

Click on my face and tell me that you love me!
You signed your message with three kisses, could be wrong but i think this is
Your way to convey
That my love is not unrequited
But i won't get too excited
Since you're only virtually mine
I heart you online.

I heart you online
I heart you online.

Robinson's Signage

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Just in case you forgot which one's right.

Spinning 360 degrees kinda just ends you up dizzy and facing the same old direction, right? Unless of course we've been doing it wrong all these years.

p.s too wasted to write anything more substantial. don't ask.

Katamari Damacy Online Release Update

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Katamary Damacy Online is going to be released, albeit only for Korea right now. To prove that I am a complete nerd, I'm actually more excited about this than seeing a sex video of Ruffa Mae Quinto and Hayden Kho. We're talking balls here too, but bigger balls. Katamari-Damacy-grade insanity balls.

In case you've been living in Afghanistan for the last decade, Katamari Damacy is an insane Japanese video game that requires you to roll everthing around you into a ball, which sounds insane, but is actually very very fun (in an insane kind of way)

Coupled with a soundtrack that can only be described as a Japanese acid trip for the auditory nerves, Katamari Damacy is a game that creates a niche for its own and then goes on to cover it with flowers and rockets and other farcical things you can think of.

Katamari Damacy Online, originally slated for release some 2 years back, the game seems to be back in track again after WindSoft released several new character images on a Korean Website

Redevelopment is said to have kicked off this year so the release date will probably still take a while, but I can wait. Meanwhile, I'll probably just go practice making Katamari balls out of the most abundant real world objects round me, like poverty and manic depression.


Hayden-Ruffa Mae Scandal Video And Other Useless Rants

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The past few days, the Philippines has been going crazy about the release of Dr. Hayden Kho's sex scandal videos. It's been really crazy. That man's balls has now probably overtaken the barrelman's wooden wang in terms of phallic fame.

And following the trend of most movie hits today, some unknown hero released not just one, not just two, but five videos of the man. In our local porn industry, that's got to put him already at veteran level in terms of lifespan. Even most professional porn stars putter out after the first video.

The scandal has been so hard hitting so far, that even the sentate seems to be interested in the video. Okay, maybe not the senate. Maybe it's just Ramon Revillia Jr. who is ironically rumored to have his own sex video with Ruffa Mae Quinto.

Seriously dude, what the EFF.

We're not paying senators everything we workers earn during Mondays just to let these clowns watch and discuss porn on valuable office hours time. (But then again, at work, it's not like situations are different, only we're not deciding the policies of an entire FRIGGING NATION)

And then there's the torrent. The state of which can be seen in exhibit A:

That's almost 5,500 active nodes working to spread the videos on torrent alone. This does not include people who still get their supplies from DVDs sold on the sidewalk, on USB sticks from friends, and for the really oldschool people, floppy disks.

And here we are saying that chivalry is dead.


For as long as there is one stranger online willing to share his stash of porn to another guy he barely even knows, fraternity among men will never disappear.

What was that you said? Why is the status 100% on the download? Oh, this picture's sent in by a friend. I havent seen the videos myself.


But that's besides the point. And now, like a movie that just wont die, another video is rumored to be released in the near future, this time from Ruffa Mae Quinto.

Is it just me or are scandal videos now getting more and more professionally released? Next thing you know, we're getting theaterical trailers and posters at the mall with anonymous reviewers that will have captions like:

"This is fucking awesome. I think I saw blurry body parts during the 2 seconds that the camera became steady!" - Movie Critic

"Arguably the most moving scandal video of our time" - Lolit Solis

"It actually has sound in it!" - Overpaid asshole.

Yeah, when that happens, feel free to start applying for asylum abroad. This country will sink in the sand it came from to be swallowed back by mother earth in regret.

In case you're still reading, NO THERE IS NO HAYDEN RUFFA MAE VIDEO HERE.

Bugger off.

Globe Limits P2P Download Bandwidth

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

As of posting, Globe Telcommunications ISP has yet to make a formal announce about it, but they're already imposing a 20% limit cap on all P2P downloading services. The following matrix is thought to be enforced:

1MBPS - 20kbps-30kbps limit download on P2P
2MBPS - 40kbps limit download on P2P

Currently, Smart and PLDT users have yet to give any similar reports, though most likely, both will follow suit if the public reaction is not as averse as many corporate doomsayers speculate.

I personally find it timely that this measure was placed barely a month after Time Warner tried to put limit caps on people's bandwidths in Texas, USA and failed at it.

People of course are saying it's a bad business call, and barring any moral transgressions/indignations it may have, is it really a bad business call?

On a pure business sense, I think it's sensible.

See, ISP connections to other countries aren't like the ISP connections that we have at home. They're not exactly unlimited, and the business model of giving people unlimited internet connection is based on the idea that people will never be able to utilize their internet connections's actual worth when translated to the per byte fee ISPs have to pay for some of the outgoing connections (due to some arrangements with other ISPs in other countries)

Network equipment, of course need to be constantly upgraded for as long as bandwidth peaks rise, since most equipment can only handle a certain amount of bandwidth before they gain sentience, look for a pistol, and shoot themselves. Upgrading costs more than a shiny penny, that I know.

Above is the traffic internet percentage trend from 1996 to 2006 and as you can see now, it's speculated that more than 60% of the total bandwidth consumption online is because of peer-to-peer. It's said that somebody who uses torrent consumes the BW load of at least 20 normal users (even those fags who use youtube whose videos average 40mb per video)

That also means maintaining the account of a single torrentfag who downloads at least 1 gigabyte worth of data every other daycosts at least 20 times as much as a normal users who contents himself in sending email, and answering facebook quizzes with only occasional downloads.

Suppose one in every five ISP user is a torrent user and after the cap, he leaves for another ISP. That means the total average consumption will go from 24 average users to just four average users and still maintain payments for four users. That means the profit margin actually will rise if the torrent users leave for other ISPs.

The decrease in cost is so great compared to the decrease in earnings, I wont be surprised if all ISPs start pushing hard for this capping even though most of the users will rant to hell and back.

Bottomline is, if losing 20% of your customer base causes your costs to fall 95% for the total population, it's practically a goldmine strategy.

Of course, this move is a huge step back for people just beginning to exploit the potential of the internet in the only way third world countries can. As for myself, I'd stay neutral until I see where this leads.

In any case it'll be a most interesting case.

p.s. (Most interesting will be the wails of dramafag torrent junkies who'll pull no punches in making the most ridiculous of justifications despite the bottomline that majority of torrenting/p2p is really just related to pirating shit off the net. Don't be hypocritical, you know what I'm talking about.)

Xenogears teaches you about life

Monday, May 18, 2009

Chemical Manila: 2nd Edition

Chemical Manila version 2 is out. I'll be posting the fic in Ragnaboards this time.


Red Cliff Summary, Quotes, Review

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Once upon a time, China wasn't world's equivalent of that kid in class who never studies in class, copies (*cough*pirates*cough*) answers for everything and still aces his grades. Once upon a time, the rest of the world copied from how China did things.

Specially in warfare.

Long before the western civilizations got their act right in waging war, the Chinese were already marching battalions in formation, using tactics and weaponry that would not be used for another thousand years - rockets, guns, automated weaponry, psychological warfare.

Red Cliff is a movie set during that time and answers for the world, what is it like to wage war on the other side of the world, where kung fu, shaolin, and General Tso's Chicken came from?

Red Cliff is a four hour two-part epic film depicting the events leading up to the battle of Chi Bi, a pivotal event in the Three Kingdoms arc of China's history that's been made famous by the novel Romance of The Three Kingdoms, and more recently, the bastardized Dynasty Warriors series.

The movie is directed by John Woo and is considered to be his comeback film. Personally, I consider this movie as his apology tot he world for making the movie WindTalkers where Nicholas Cage pranced around two hours of a farcical depiction of the WW2 battle of Iwo Jima.

And when it comes to apologies, I believe John Woo has more than redeemed himself.

With a gargantuan budget, a star-studded cast, and an epic depiction of one of the finest moments in Chinese history, Red Cliff offers an unforgettable experience for both history enthusiasts and casual moviegoers alike.

The story of the first installment is about the crucial events before the battle of Chi Bi, mostly focusing on the brilliant strategist Zhuge Liang and his methodology in uniting the two kingdoms Wu and Shu Han to rebel against the antagonizing kingdom of Wei. To be honest, Zhuge Liang is almost godlike in his cleverness in this movie, but I'm not complaining.

For those not in the know, the Three Kingdoms age is one of the most celebrated arcs of Chinese history so many versions of the story have been made before. It's notable however, that so far, all of them have honestly sucked one way or another, and as a fanboy, I can tell you that this movie satisfies even the most hardcore of followers.

I believe that the strongest aspect of this movie is actually its ability to simply things enough for the movie. Despite the length of four hours, it manages to present the events in the most detailed way possible without bogging down the casual viewers with the nerdy stuff. (if you try to read this story in the Romance of The Three Kingdoms book, for example, you'd have covered 20+ characters on the first six pages alone)

The depictions of battles are amazingly detailed, although exaggerated, and you will easily see the difference between warfare in the west and the east. Emphasis on strategy and form are well seen, as well as fluid warefare usually absent on the counterparts of the same timeperiod.

Another interesting difference of east and west martial philosophies shown in this film is the active participation of generals in battle. If ever this movie reminds me of something, it's that once upon a time, leadership meant being better than everybody else under your command.

Even fictional battles for Lord of The Rings wasn't this inventive. Cinematography wise, battles are turned into an artform by John Woo, with violence and gore only used for emphasis and not as a main form of entertainment.

Outside battle, personal and political affairs are shown interestingly and are hardly boring. If you can get past the face of Zhuge Liang looking like a Chinese Knockoff of Orlando Bloom, you can really appreciate the meticulousness of Woo in making sure even the non-combat scenes are interesting.

Of course the movie is far from perfect. The producers claim the movie is based on the historical account of the event, some inaccuracies are still present, albeit negligible. Acting by the extras are of mixed quality, although one can learn to overlook them when necessary.

Overall, the movie is a very fun treat for both seasoned followers of the Three Kingdoms story and for new initiates. Red Cliff is an icon that proves to the world that when it comes to epic things, the West has never been in monopoly.

Everybody who reads this article up to this point should no longer be wasting time and should be watching the film right afterward.

Yes, damn it, it's that awesome.

Random Stuff (again)

Friday, May 15, 2009

I like the curse word "lechugas". It satisfies my need to say something nutritious and nasty at the same time.

I once cried because I had no shoes, and then i saw a man with no feet. Fine, but screw it. I still ain't wearing crocs.

Ah ako? Gusto ko si Mar. Matapang, matalino, walang kinatatakutan. Pamantayan ng isang tunay na babae ng ating henerasyon.

Dont bite more than what you can chew. Don't suck more than what you can swallow. (tetrapak yan ha)

When I was a kid, many of my friends thought I was a weirdo. Later in life I realized THEY were just imaginary! Who's the weirdo now HUH?!

I went to the Wax Museum and I was terribly disappointed. The floor wasn't even shiny.

That OLFU MRT commercial

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Before I get bombarded with half-assed angry posts, I have nothing against Our Lady of Fatima University, or its students. I respect the school and I respect the people associated with it.

What I'm going to talk about is the MRT commercial that keeps on getting played every God-given day that I ride it. If you're riding the MRT too, you know what the hell I'm talking about. It's about a boy/girl looking for a course and his father/sister helps in the decision making process.

The girl/sister version, I can understand. But the father/son version, no matter how many times I try to listen to it, it just doesn't make sense. I'll tell you why.

The commercial begins when a son goes up to his dad and tells him that he doesn't know what course to take. Understandable. I remember asking my dad for suggestions too and he said to take the course I hate the most and get good at it, which is why I'm a programmer and I write more than I program.

Anyway back to the commercial, the dad then goes on to tell his wonderful son about how OLFU is a good school with high standards and low tuition fees with lots of wonderful courses. The son of course buys in, in a true MRT commercial fashion.

He ends with the line "I've decided! Sa OLFU na rin ako!"


I'm not sure if my analysis is correct, but wasn't he looking for a COURSE? Why is the kid so happy to have found OLFU for an answer? Is it really a course? Have I been getting it wrong all these years?

I'm thinking if you're already picking a course for college and you cant even distinguish picking a course and picking a university, finding the right course is the least of your worries.

We can't have a Bachelor of De La Salle University majoring in Benilde. That's just wrong. What will they teach you there? How to find cheap parking spaces, bypass the dress code and still look skanky, and forage for legal smoking joints?

God bless OLFU, but that commercial just has to go.

Public Static Presidentiables

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Here's my take on the current list of presidentiables, reposted from a forum I'm active in. I'm not really too interested in the politics of it all, so I'll keep this short.

for Mar Roxas:
Brave. Intelligent. Strong willed. Closet homosexual. I seriously cant vote for somebody who can come out with his intentions to run and still can't come out of the closet as a full-fledged member of the federation. Pumadyak kang magisa mo, magttricyle ako.

for Ed Panlilio:
Good idea, until you realize he's surrounded by the Christian right's equiavalent of the Taliban. Condoms will probably be outlawed and before you know it, we're reliving episodes of Noli Me Tangere all over again, padre damaso and all.

for Chiz Escudero:
Chiz sounds like he's a good earnest guy. He's got a good working record too, being one of the most industrious lawmakers around. The only think I can say against him is his image is a bit too good - almost too good.

for Manny Villar:
This guy did great when he was still in Las Pinas and I really look up to him, but I hate his guts for being the earliest one of the lot to campaign, and to use abused OFWs as a front too. On the other hand, he's rich. Not sure how that helps, but he's rich.

for Ping Lacson:
The taxi drivers love this guy. While he's the media's posterboy for everything evil (sodomy, hitman-style executions, corruption) the guy knows how to police his own ranks. Under him, the PNP really cleaned up its act, and I'm probably one of the few people here old enough to know he really did make a difference. Also, he supports federalism. I <3 Federalism. And not getting robbed at night.

for Gilbert Teodoro:
The guy looks earnest, but honestly, he just doesnt have the charisma to make the crowd fall in love with him. He's like that kid who's not really bad at sports but keeps on getting picked last when it comes to playing basketball.

for Richard Gordon:
I seriously hate this asshat for being Atenean and too proud of it, but the way he handled Subic before was really amazing. He's also consistent to a fault, and every position he's landed ever since performed really well. Bad side is he looks like The Critic, which is a bad standard even for people who look like Cartoon characters. And as if to worsen the lot, he also has a cartoonish antic to him when he loses his sh*t, which happens quite often.

for Jejomar Binay:
This guy is Satan and should not even be allowed to appear on TV. The only reason why Makati prospered under him is that Makati is a goldmine of a city that will prosper even if it was being run by a particularly stupid dead hamster. Corrupt to a fault, this guy should be the textbook example of how we should not raise our kids. Or pets. Or anything for that matter.

Sam Milby is a good person

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

To be fair, Sam is representing a very noble cause in this picture. Education is a good thing because if you have it you don't have to suck the proverbial producer cock so you can get sent to a reality TV show just to get a job. Yeah, I like education.

Honestly though, am I the only one creeped out by Sam in this picture? It's like he's advertising rape or something. There are only so many expressions that you can make while holding a child's photo that will raise serious red flags in people's heads. Like the above example. Grinning like you're about to hit underaged paydirt raises so many red flags, I'd think communism is in again.

Remember Michael Jackson? Yeah, me too.

A serious request

Monday, May 11, 2009

Hey guys.

First of all I'd like to thank all the regulars who keep on visiting site. I'm glad you guys had fun reading the stuff that I really enjoy making too. We've had our serious moments, funny moments, corny moments, seriously-what-the-hell-is-he-thinking moments. Some of you probably have gotten angry at me for the stuff I put here, and I guess I kinda deserve the hate most of the time. Everything's done in jest, however, save for a few serious articles, all I've ever really wanted is for people to be informed, to be entertained, and to be able to pass time when they've nothing better to do (i.e. work)

Let's stop the jokes for a while, because I have something serious to discuss - and I promises this is not one of my stupid tricks.

Tomorrow, my girlfriend Anna (N*kumanju, for the people who know her as a writer from Fanfare) will be having an operation to have cysts removed from her body. While I have faith in the skill of the doctor who will be doing the operation, the procedure is not without risks.

Because of this I would ask the readers of this site, whether you are an online friend, a personal friend, a regular visitor or just a passerby to pray for Anna. I'm not a very religious man, but I do believe in a higher being. For all those sacreligious things I've said before, I believe in a God who has a sense of humor too.

I believe in prayers, and right now I believe Anna needs all the prayers that she can get. I don't even care what your religion is, we're all basically praying to the same God anyway. Please, pray for my girlfriend. If you're atheist, I'm sure one day of of theism can't hurt.

Please pray for Anna and her family. Pray for her speedy, and full recovery.

I love this girl too much to risk losing her, and I believe this is the least that I can do right now.

Thank you very much for your time.

Best Regards,

Xenogears is Deep

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

To anybody who still keeps on asking me why FFVII's story felt bland. This picture pretty much sums up what I had to deal with playing with Xenogears.

And this scene ain't even part of the main plot. It's just a side story for one of the more boring characters, Billy Lee Black.

Stock Trade Experiment #1: MEG (UPDATE)

Just an update to those who still remember this one.

Bought 20k stocks of MEG at 0.67 apiece last May 5
Sold 20k stocks of Meg today at 0.78 apiece.

(update: lol it's at 0.82 now, I stand corrected. Note to self: When the resistance line is at .85, the resistance is 0.85 damn it)

Computation is as follows:

Net profit over a two week timespan is 2,036.45

Driving factors of the price increase are
1. Inherent undervalue of the stock.
2. Sister stock FLI's increase in capital expenditure
3. Stock Market Rally in the dow last night

Expected decrease in price after 1-2 trading days.

Recommend buying price after drop is at least 0.72

Java Programming Glossary

Monday, May 04, 2009

To those not in the know, Public Static is actually a couple of reserved words for a programming language known as Java.Every other week, there's at least one guy who stumbles upon my website looking for clues on Java and ends up reading crappy attempts at web humor. So as to not (totally) disappoint, here's a glossary of comparisons for the elements of the world of Java.

Java - an object oriented programming language named after coffee, because programming in Java will be dark and bitter no matter how much you try to sweeten the experience - and it will render you sleepless and jittery long after you're done. It is a masochist's programming language so when your date tells you he/she's a java programmer, feel free to bring out the whips and candles.

(more after the jump)

Object-Oriented Programming - The concept of creating virtual objects to simulate behavior of realworld objects like tax and hookers. Object Oriented Programming's hobbies are gloating and taking a shit on Procedural Programming's front lawn. The difference of the two are as follows: Faced with the problem of faeces lying on the pavement, a procedural programmer will create a procedure that goes "get pan, pick shit, throw shit, take away pan" whereas the object oriented programmer will design an automated pooper scooping mechanism with 20,000 moving parts, including a pooperscooper testing device, but will take 2 months to finish and will only be used once (since teh dog is probably dead already from being unfed)

Java 2 SDK - The main torture device of any Java Programmer. He never leaves home without it. The name of the java platform is about as unstable as the people who use it, changing over the years from JDK to Java 2 SDK (even though there's no Java 1) and then going back to JDK. Version numbers are equally as bitching, with each iteration having two equivalents, 1.5 = 5.0, which is kinda like Final Fantasy's numbering problem.

Java Virtual Machine (JVM) - The proud core of the Java infrastructure, the JVM ensures that your Program will act like a social outcast on ANY computer regardless of the operating system. JVM encapsulates your programs so it doesn't have to talk to the other interfaces of the computer - promoting security and isolationism unrivaled since the last North Korean regime. It's possible for java to extend outside the JVM, but like North Korea, it's almost always a risky procedure that can end in tears.

Spring - Some people like programming in XML. It seems people over the years have grown scared of having to compile anything, and developed Spring so they'll just have to slave away modifying "configurable" XML for hours so they can save a couple of minutes of time if they actually just recompiled.

Hibernate - Hibernate is an application that allows the developer to let go of traditional (therefore "uncool") methods of retrieving data using (pfft) SQL. Hibernate encapsulates this process for you - like a pair of plastic gloves you can use for dealing with dog poop. Of course, unlike plastic gloves, hibernate has a bad tendency of being unremovable, thereby forcing continual use for other purposes which may lead to very very undesirable situations. (dinner etc)

Java 2 Enterprise Java Beans (EJB) - A nightmare which happened earlier this decade that all Java programmers are slowly trying to forget every night by continually rubbing the tummy of their SPRING dolls, with tears in their eyes. EJB is the classic example of overengineering as a form of Freudan compensation.

Java Programmers - Java programmers are undoubtedly one of the best types of programmers out there, and are also often the most detached to reality (or maybe next to the LISP programmers, but I dunno). Java programmers always have contingency plans woven into their development plans, ranging from "leave interfaces in case the program expands in the future" to "make sure the program self replicates so in case our country gets wiped out by nuclear holocaust, we can still tell the time using our java clock program" Java programmers love challenges, and often make sub challenges halfway through finishing the original problem. With the massive amount of code frameworks that appear online every month, solving a single problem can be done using an infinite number of solutions.

If programming languages were videogames, Java would have the maximum playability lifespan.

Manny Paquiao Demolishes Hatton in the 2nd Round

Sunday, May 03, 2009

alternative title: and other mental dumps

Manny Paquiao Demolishes Hatton in the 2nd Round. The pirated DVD manufacturers are probably considering at this point to use CDs instead of DVDs.

Meanwhile, local broadcasters are panicking how they'll cram as much ads as possible in the short fight. Pitch: "This punch was brought to you by.."

Here's a thought for the road. If you're giving away bumper stickers to promote your brand, don't give them to asshole drivers. Other drivers will think your company manufactures shitty road users.

Sometimes I like to float on the ocean face down. Maybe to the fishes, I just might be a flying alien like Superman.


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