Traffic Lights

Traffic lights have been around for a long time. Since 1923, these lights on the road have been keeping road-related idiocy to a comfortable minimum. Simple, effective - genius.

But what if the very idiots the lights are trying to keep away from accidents become the ones in charge of the stop lights? And say for the sake of argument, these same assholes suddenly get concentrated in one spot, say the city of Manila, and happened to live in the same era as me? And say in this argument of mine, I'm not really making a hypothetical scenario? What if the idiots are real?

That's right bitches.

They're here. They're retarded. And they're here to stay. Roadtards turn traffic management into witchdoctor science. And we're all closer to death because of their incompetence.

Retarded Traffic Solution #1: The Flash Bang Traffic Light
Location: Pedro Gil corner Mabini, Malate, Manila

I dont know how many people at the Traffic Enforcement Group got dropped as kids but this has got to be the most retarded traffic light in the world. Have you ever watched a movie where the hero has to pass through a flaming booby trap where the flame jumps every 2 seconds and the only way the hero can go through is if he jumped through that time interval?

Will I guess it also happens in real life, except replace the flaming booby trap with "intersection" and flame with "incoming traffic". Uhuh. Green lights for two seconds.

TWO SECONDS.

A flash bang grenade could last longer. That's about the same time as a normal driver stepping on the clutch, shifting to first gear, slowly releasing the clutch and stepping on the gas pedal. Who thought of this shit? And it's not like a lot of cars are passing through the adjacent road! In fact, the road was near empty save for a few jeepneys.

As a result, only two cars can pass through the intersection every five minutes - and only if they burn their wheels beforehand, and only if no retarded pedestrian blocks the way of the car when they try to "push their luck". When it's your turn, you stare at the lights and wait for it to "flash green" then you put the pedal to the metal and pray you make it across.

It's revolutionarily retarded. Sometimes I begin to consider walking just so I can avoid acts of idiocy like this.

Retarded Traffic Solution #2: The Disco Traffic Light
Location: Pedro Gil corner Bocobo, Malate, Manila

Have you tried playing stop dance? That's basically what theyre doing to this stop light, except you're in a car and the disco is a busy intersection. There are cops at the other end with their hands on the traffic light switch. It's like the first case but this time, the time isn't fixed to to seconds. It can go red anytime (I have a hunch the light skips the yellow LED as well) .

If you cross the intersection fast enough, the police will turn the lights to red and voila! Instant traffic violation with you appearing to be the reckless idiot. Then they'll be asking for redtape, which is halfway close to a rape in the ass when it comes to offer price.

Thinking of running these assholes over give me orgasms all the time. Screw traffic safety, all these idiot coppers want are money and the devil's penis up their fat hide when they die and go to hell (where it's always GO - up their arses for all eternity)

Retarded Traffic Solution #3: Green is for Retarded
Location: Dakota, Vito Cruz, Manila

So you're driving along the intersection and see a green light. You proceed without stopping since it's a green. A few moments later, BAM! A jeep hits your side, because he didn't see you coming from the adjacent road. Driver comes out of the jeep, you come out of your car. He argues it's his turn in the road. But you saw what you saw. The lights were distinctly traffic light green. Then you take a second look.

You then realize youve just been fucked by the world's worst Traffic Engineers.

You weren't seeing things. The light was indeed green. But you were staring at the wrong light. There's a GREEN LIGHT Lamp Post beside a shit-small traffic light, emitting the same color as a go signal.

And you check the rest of the streets. Everything has the same color - GREEN GO SIGNAL colour. Is it the twilight zone? No. People at the city hall are just lacking iodine and a few pairs of chromosomes.

Last thing I want to do is to have to listen to idiots about what I should be doing. Well traffic lights tell me what to do, and unfortunately for these cases, the idiots are telling what the lights are supposed to do.

Some people are much more beneficial to motorists and pedestrians alike if they just become roadkill.

--------------------------
Here's a curious question, slightly out of topic but interesting nonetheless. What colour is on top of the traffic light? Red or Green?