South Korean School Robots + Filipino Pilots = YES.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

SEOUL—Controlled remotely by English teachers in the Philippines, the 29 robots wheeled around the classroom while speaking to the students, reading books to them and dancing to music by moving their head and arms.

About one meter high with a TV display panel for a face, the robots have started teaching English to youngsters at a South Korean city, in a pilot project designed to nurture the nascent robot industry, according to education officials.

The robots display an avatar face of a Caucasian woman and the Filipino teachers can see and hear the children via a remote control system.


HOLY SHIT. I didn't really think it would happen in my lifetime but it did. Robots have entered the previously sacrosanct field of the academe, and to top it off, Filipinos are given the helm of these new mecha-teacher. And I thought MY teachers in gradeschool were dangerous.

I remember this one time, my classmate was tooling around in the fashion only a third grade could think of (hint: it involves more than the daily dosage of exposure to uncircumcised penis) and because of that, my teacher went apeshit. She started pulling on the poor dude's sideburns so hard he still probably has his face twisted from the pain up until now with his right patilla growing twice as fast as his left. He was made to stand on a desk with his pants down afterwards just to reinforce the idea that our dear Teacher was all business. This happened, of course, back when people still had the balls to exercise their god-given right to punish shitty children so they can grow up obeying the law with the knowledge that their sideburns might very well be pulled on by a brutish teacher from the depths of gradeschool hell.

Now think about it. All that happened without the aid of modern technology. Had our teacher been using a robot, the sideburn pulling would've been twice more brutal, and trust me, you do not want the force used in pulling your sidewhiskers measured in Pounds PER SQUARE INCH. If that does happen, I expect your brains to come out of the pores of your skin from the yanking.

From what the article suggests, even though right now the teachers are for preschool only and serve as remote mascots for children, the future just might be more terrifying (for school kids anyway) . Sure, they're dancing now. But what's going to prevent the motors that make these bots dance from breakdancing your bones six ways from fifth period?

Since I have waaaay too much time on my hands, I've prepared a short pros and cons list of robots replacing teachers:


1. Teachers will no longer try to sell you shit in class, like candies, handicrafts, and life insurance (which is ironic because most likely you only need this to protect yourself from overzealous disciplinarians)

2. Brownouts mean more freetime - unless we're going up against battery operated instructors, in which case we just have to take out the Motolite guy.

3. SUBTITLES! I can't imagine how much knowledge gets unknowlingly lost ever year just because the teacher speaks with a voice that seems to be coming from a ghost who has strepthroat. I've heard ants chattering louder than some teachers. Honestly, this would be so awesome.


1. It'd be a lot harder to come up with monickers and insults for teachers if the robots look the same. Where's the humanity in not being able to call your teacher "bangkay na nabuhay"?

2. In the same light, there'd be no more sexual fantasies involving teachers - unless the manufacturers of the robots are the same ones who sell sexbots online, in which case I suppose this should be a pro instead of a con. (if that's your sort of thing)

3. Would you really go against a robot? Really? Clearly you have not been watching a lot of Robocop. Good luck buddy.

Filipino Street Foods: A Review

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Filipino Street Foods is the perfect storm of the traditional values of cheapness, empowerment, and playing chicken with Death himself, just because. Street food was life's answer to what probably was a common question for every kid like me who did not bring lunch to school: "How do I enable myself to spend money to buy usless shit like cheapass plastic figurines and fake trading cards AND not starve to death in the long run?" Thanks to street foods, I managed to complete my childhood, indulging in child-versions of adult gambling problems, and still survive on my meager allowance for almost 10 years. If I could account for how much streetfood I ate back then, I suppose it'd be around 30% of my bodymass. That said, I suppose I have enough experience and expertise to do this review, because if I ate more than I probably have, I'd be dead from dysentery already.

Scramble - Scramble is one of the more fancy dessert-drinks of my childhood, just above "iron-enriched" icetubig (a.k.a refrigerated rustwater) and slightly below the level of Sago-gulaman-ipis (which is usually a few pesos more expensive). It's the Zagu before people knew Zagu, and it went for cheap. Back in 1991 it was 1 peso for the sachet size, 2 pesos for the cup, which is often reserved for elitist asshole kids who'd grow up ordering Starbucks Macchiato Aformente Venti to compensate for their shirveled gonads. I never really knew what made them pink, which kind of reminded me of eggs laid by snails. Not that I'm suggesting anything. I'm just saying. Scramble is awesome, specially with brown cow. But it's like sex with a snowman (or woman, depending on whether you are sexually confident enough to not mind) - twenty seconds after you stick your straw in, you realize you're just fucking with nothing but lots of ice.

Fishballs - Fishballs are like the staple food when it comes to "tusok-tusok" (in english "fuck utensils"). Whether or not fishballs actually contain fish has been an enduring question over the centuries, as the constitution of the average fishball is 40% air, 50% oil (that will be drained the moment you dip it in the sauce) and 10% lardy substance of ailen origin. Sauces come in three different flavours: sweet, spicy, and sweaty, the availabilty of the last one depending on whether or not it's been a terribly hot day for the vendor.

As a matter of trivia that is of no value to me or you or the enrichment of this article, cholera, hepatitis, amoebiasis and typhoid (in the order that my friends acquired the disease over the years) are often acquired not through the fishball itself but in the dipping bottle of the sauces, because sometimes the water used for the sauces is no different from the water that gets stuck in the gutter after raining for a while, also some assholes dip their fishballs again after taking a bite. Assholes.

Dirty delicious - honestly, I still don't know what they are called. Dirty delicious are like the poor man's meatballs, with barely a hint of meat. They're supposedly ground up meat, some veggies, and lots of flour then deep fried. Dirty Delicious is here for the sole fact that it actually manged to outcheapen the fishballs. At the time fishballs were 25 cents a pop, dirty delicious was 8 pieces a PESO. It's that fucking cheap. Like, when was the last time you actually were able to get anything more than 5 pieces for a peso? I can't even buy that much bond paper on the same coin. Anyway, don't get wrong. It's here because it's also delicious. I don't know what they put in the balls. I'd say cocaine, but the pricetag suggests some cheaper alternative, like paint thinner.

Bopis - Bopis is supposedly cow/pig innards. The most awesome thing about bopis is that unlike Fishballs and dirty delicious, it's actually meat youre eating - although the low price makes you think twice about what what kind you're eating. None the matter, bopis is likewise addicting, and practically dangerous since animal innards aren't served often on the menu for a reason - they're hard to clean properly and even harder to sterilize for human consumption. Nonetheless, fuck yeah. Note that the bopis you eat as a meal, the ground up kind that looks like half cooked sisig, is not the same bopis that gets fried with the stick. The latter, though cheaper, is infinitely more delicious. There are two kinds of bopis on a stick. The first kind is the short stick type, which comes cheaper but with smaller pieces of meat, and then the longer stick type which costs three times more but has more meat, and presumably, less dubiousness. I like surprises though, so personally I prefer the short stick.

Kikiam/Squidball - I'm grouping these two together because they're almost always sold in the same stall. Nowadays though, they're also sold with fishballs. Anyway Kikiam and squidballs are like signature brands for street foods, because they're more expensive than the usual and *gasp* the squidball sometimes remotely tastes like actual squid. (I swear, there was this one time, I took a bit and actually tasted a piece of squid. It was either that or my gums were falling off). What kikiam is made of is also a big mystery for me, and even the Chinese who supposedly introduced us to the turd-shaped snack hundreds of years ago, along with Taho and counterfeit DVDs.

Closing remarks:

I won't cover ihaw-ihaw foods here anymore since they're already an article on their own. Maybe some other time.
As a word of caution, I'd like to say that these foods are eaten with a good dose of risk - kind of like playing hopscotch with Death and Hepatitis. If you eat them with abandon, it's only a matter of time before something fucks up your digestive system and force it to shoot vomit out of your mouth at highway speeds and make you shit half of your intestinal track in 3 seconds flat. The reason why I was able to endure eating these things is that I've always been a dirty kid, and I was constantly exposed to dirty food. Let's just say my tolerance for these things are higher than average. If possible, stay away. But then again, it's not like we Filipinos ever let trivial things like amoebiasis get the better of our stubborn recklessness now, do we?


Monday, December 27, 2010

Okay, I know it's a bit too early for these things. I still have a couple more working days to go before I can really say 2010's over and done with. And okay, I am once again going off the usual "talk about anything other than me", but I figger I might as well do this while my alcohol level still permits me to remember as much as I can.

Here are the 10 biggest things that happened to me this year:

1. Ragnaboards is dead. Prose is not.
I suppose I never really started appreciating writing fiction until Ragnaboards. (To the guys at The Gang, you know what I'm talking about. No hard feelings) That was back in 2004. A few finished novels, countless shorts, and even more unfinished slipshoderies later, Ragnaboards closed up shop for good late this year. Along with it, I let go of the moderatorship that I saw as a sort of payback to the community. Of course, this doesn't mean I'm stopping writing. Matter of fact, Chemical Manila is still, surprisingly, on track. The community's still alive and well too in the new boards, though my new work's limiting the time I get to spend there.

2. I am out of the stock market.
I made a lot of mistakes earlier this year, and I suppose the biggest blessing I have is that my mistakes are calculated ones and did not send me to the streets. I'm chalking those things up to experience, and I'm full well ready of the next round. When that round comes. Until then, I'm only crunching on long term hold and watching by the sidelines.

3. I am in the bonds market.
My mom was nice enough to introduce me to the less violent but much more financially obligating bonds market. So far, so good, though at some point this year, I could've cashed in for some serious additional income (hint: five smileys). I didn't, because I just couldn't see where else to place my eggs. As far as global economy goes, we're far from out of the woods. Better safe than sorry.

4. I finally got work printed, officially, with my name on it.
Thanks to my good friend Pao, I finally managed to get into print. No more ghost writing, no more half-baked attempts, the gig at Statement magazine was the real thing for me. Granted, it did not last as long as I would've wanted it to, but thanks to the experience I got from it, I think I can manage to capitalize on it already when I can. FHM, here I come? Don't count on it anytime soon, but don't count it out either.

5. I quit my job.
Five years in the industry is a long time. A lot can happen during that time. That's longer than highschool, or college (unless you're on a specialized course, or just particularly slow on the uptake) That's the time I spent in my last company. I suppose I've said a lot about that subject already, but to be honest, even now, I still haven't found that "new direction" I was looking for when I left. One thing is for sure though - I have no regrets.

6. I've started laying the foundation for one of my end goals.
This. I'm guessing this will be the centerpiece of next year for me. I can't reveal a lot here yet, but I'll keep those in the loop well posted.

8. I have a new computer.
It cost me an entire month's salary but I'm loving the shit out of this baby. Now if only I can catch up with five years worth of lost gaming.

9. I've moved out to a place of my own.
It's a bit late in the year but it's finally happened. I honestly don't know what to make of it yet, but it feels both sad but liberating. I guess this is something I can only talk about after a year or so, but it's already altering a lot of aspects of my life even as early as now. For better or worse? I suppose it depends on whether or not my broadband speed improves. Just kidding. Okay, maybe not. Seriously, this shit is slow.

10. Graphic Fiction Awards
After almost a year of waiting for results, Neil Gaiman finally moved his ass to finish the contest that went on hiatus. The short film I made with my cuz Gharawi is the first for both of us, but it gave us a lot of experience. Also, the free beer during the awards night, and the idea that we're VIPs for that event was pretty fuckin' A. We didn't win in the end, and the best movie (the one with an "Underwater crew" of five people) only won up to the first runner up. Yeah, they thought there weren't anything worth picking that year. This coming from the delegate judges whose works are "ekis", "dos ekis", and "gagamboy". Yeah, I'm talking shit now. And yes, I have problems with the judges. What the hell, right?

It's been an interesting year. That much I can say. Here's to the next one.

Left Behind is Pseudobiblical BS

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Taken from's Letters To The Editor
IT’S BOTH sad and amusing that many presumably learned people, including quite a number whose bread-and-butter is writing, continue to poke fun at the “major, major” response given by Philippine contestant Venus Raj in the Miss Universe finals is a gross grammatical or syntactical blunder.

May I invite these people—both those who mimic Raj with malice and those who simply tease her in good faith—to get hold of the 10th book of the world-renowned, record-breaking 16-volume “Left Behind” series (over 70 million copies sold), which is a fictionalized account of biblical prophecy and of the End Times. On page 233 of “The Remnant,” one of the major characters in the book refers to a “major, major problem,” by which the character simply means that the problem at hand is quite serious.

The authors of the series are internationally acclaimed writers of English books. Dr. Tim LaHaye is a highly regarded theological scholar, educator and author of more than 70 books, some of them certified bestsellers. His co-author, Jerry B. Jenkins, is one of America’s most respected novelists, many of whose 100+ books are in the all-time best-seller lists of the New York Times, USA Today and other top publications. Their “Left Behind” series has been hailed as the best work in fiction form on eschatology and Bible prophecy.

Venus Raj, take heart—you are in distinguished company.

Northern Christian College,
Laoag City

I think my brain just died a little bit there.

Left Behind is something I imagine would come up if The Bible's Revelation mated with Twilight after a night of heavy partying and drinking. The amazingly dragged 16-volume saga talks about life after the Rapture, a non-canon Christian event where the bodies of "good" people get sucked magically into heaven while the less holy ones get "Left Behind". The series reads like the fleshing out of the "you just wait and see" holier-than-thou bullshit attitude of uppity Christians everywhere, as told by a sixth grader. The premise is reminiscent of the apocalyptic "What to do when Y2k hits" books that seemed to be all over the bookstore during the late 90s, except for Left Behind, it's still around to annoy friends of fundamentalists who like to recommend books.

I can understand the letter author's intent on defending Venus Raj for a booboo she had last AUGUST, even though, you know, everybody, including Venus has already moved on. What I can't understand is why, for fucks sake, would anybody want to use a minor phrase mentioned colloquially in a particularly retarded book series to justify a phrase that's classified as colloquial. Never mind the fact that Left Behind is particularly well known for its shoddy writing. Anybody who reads Left Behind and thinks it's the best thing since sliced bread clearly needs to start reading more books - or pretty much just any other book that doesn't rely on provocative doomsaying instead of actual narrative pedigree.

It's almost as if one fine morning, the good doctor was finally getting to read The Remnant and like a lightning on a cloudless sky, he sees an occurrence of "major major" in actual PRINTED form and then BOOM! He's got it all figured out. Five months late.

And the world has to freaking know.

How to build a hollowed-out pew and conceal yourself in St. Paul's Cathedral

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

This often overlooked but indisputably valuable clandestine maneuver is a must learn for every individual who wishes to infiltrate social gatherings that normally exclude the bourgeois and social outcasts such as that one guy who insists that the Atari Jaguar could have been the best console of its time.

That said, here are the steps to successfully create and utilize a hollowed-out pew to conceal yourself in St. Paul's Cathedral:

1. Get soap. Lots of it. You don't know how many asses use those things. Also, soap is awesome.

2. Carefully obtain images of the standard pew at the cathedral of your choosing. If possible, try to obtain an actual sample to make modeling easier. Ideally, you have to do this when nobody is using the pew. And not during any service. If this is not possible, make sure you excuse yourself properly and return any churchgoer you may accidentally spirit off with the pew.

3. If you were unable to obtain a sample pew, pick a matured tree in your neighbor's yard and steal it in the middle of the night in a David Copperfieldy manner involving spotlights, a chainsaw, and a magic assistant named Debbie. Use it to build yourself a pew based on the images you obtained.

4. At this point, it will help if you are as thin as possible. Lay off the burgers, fries, and all-meat super burrito. Those things will kill you eventually, you know? Laxatives also does wonders.

5. Draw an outline of your body on a particularly thick section of the pew. If this does not exist, attach a you-sized wooden block to the pew as inconspiciously as possible. (Hint: label it "Donation box" if you cant figure out any other way to hide the block of wood and leave out a slit. This way you get your stealth AND more money for paying for a decent lawyer later on)

6. Start hollowing out like a shawshank motherfucker. A chisel works, but if you know your prison break movies, a spoon will do just fine, depending on how soon you need your ultimate disguise ready.

7. ???

8. Profit.

Spent 5 minutes banging at the keyboard to get this. Actually I'm just curious how many people will actually google this phrase based on Robotman/Bucholz's article.

Tips In Furnishing A New Condominium/Apartment

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

First of all, I'd like to lay out my credentials for writing this article. I honestly have no idea about interior decoration, or buying furniture, or the aesthetics of home living. My idea of interior decoration is buying lots of anime figurines and putting them into glass shelves while hoping that they'd one day appreciate enough to be actually worth being stored in such a fancy location. What I know about furniture placement and procurement, I learned from The Sims and Pet Society, and trust me, those are NOT good sources of information. Being a tool of the modern age, my idea of a home is one with a fast computer in it and a good internet connection. That said, I'll admit now that I am no authority when it comes to these things.


I know for a fact that save for a few overseasoned rich housewives and metrosexual homebodies, a lot of you are no better than me when it comes to these things. Which is why I think that my experience counts far more than Martha fucking Stewart. Because lets face it, fuck Martha Stewart.

1. If you're going for the "this looks like shot right out of a lifestyle magazine" look, prepare to shell cash. Lots of cash. A 28 square unit condo furnished with lavish Italian furniture would fetch you no less than 100,000 in main pieces alone. Honestly, prior to having to do this on my own, I didn't even know Italians built furniture made of anything other than bricks (as seen in any movie with Romans in it)
If you're shit out of budget like me, or just can't care, that's the only time you can fetch cheap.

2. Get a pencil, a measuring tape, and a notebook where you can place all your notes. Carry it with you ALL the time. You'll never know when good furniture will come up, like a fattened deer hopping out of the woods during hunting season - you'd look pretty stupid not having the right tools. Speaking of which, the moment you get your unit, start measuring every single polygon in the house. It will be invaluable later on.

3. Fastest way to figure out a good layout of the house is to go online and find a digital modeling software. There are tons out there, and I personally used One thing I'd like to note about these softwares are they're like politicians during a campaign - they're good for giving you an idea, but they're worth shit in practice. Still, an idea can never be a bad thing.

4. Unless we're talking about glass Chandeliers.

5. Use yarns and masking tape to outline the ideal sizes of furniture you want. By lining up your flooring with yarn, you get a better perspective of what your unit will look and feel like long before the furniture arrives. You can walk through the whole thing, and start figuring out where walking might prove tricky, or where sex will be awkward.

6. Take into consideration the locations of outlets. Most apartments and condos already have fixed outlets. Learn to budget them. Avoid clumping highpowered equipment like the aircon, ref, and television together to avoid accidental overloads. Common sense.

7. When buying televisions, players, and the like, avoid SM, Abenson, and other mall outlets. Visit smaller direct-import stores that can lop off up to a whopping 25% on the same models you see at the Mall. I honestly don't know how they keep those prices so low, but when you see a guy from SM shopping for supplies in the same store as you, you just know you're going to be able to bag a steal (hopefully not literally) I bought mine at AVX Harrison Plaza Manila. It's a pretty old, famous, credible place.

8. Perform modifications to your house in this order:
- Installations of major fixtures. Aircon, Water heaters, Vents, Shelving, Cabinets, Dividers
- Installation of minor fixtures. Coat hooks, door locks, Curtain placements
- Bringing in of furniture
- Bringing in of electronic equipment
- Personal stuff
- Women you met at the bar
Preferably in that order so as to not get dirt from the installation on the next piece of item you need to install.

Pink Screen Problem on HDMI Cable (A Technical Note)

I recently experienced having a Pink Screen issue on my 40BX400 Sony LCD screen. This happened after I connected it to my workstation's ATI Radeon 4870 HD computer. Everything on screen was shown with a pinkish hue, at resolutions 720p and 1080p. Oddly enough, when I changed to a DVI-to-HDMI connection, this problem did not happen.

After looking around the net, the following possible reasons were brought up:

1. Cable is broken - not my case since I remember I was already able to make it work the other day when this happened.

2. Video card is broken - again not the case, since the DVI-to-HDMI cable option was working, albeit with a significantly lower refresh rate.

3. TV reads the video as a component input instead of an HDMI input - strange bug, considering that I saw this happens on a whole range of flat screen TVs from different manufacturers. However, due to the lack of a better lead, I have come to believe that this is the cause of my problem.

I was able to fix the problem by plugging unplugging the HDMI cable from the TV side a couple of times. I understand, however, that this is a very stupid solution that offers no real explanation as to why the pink screen happened in the first place.

However, I'm glad to see that it works. Try it on your box too if ever this problem comes up. And if you have a better idea as to how we can prevent this, I'm all eyes/ears/ports.

The Epitomy of Lazy Humor

Monday, December 20, 2010

I gotta hand it to the author of Pupung. Whereas a lot of comics have to rely on a constantly evolving and varying delivery of wit and humor, Pupung has managed to stay in the business for as long as I can remember (I started reading it back when I was seven) using approximately five template jokes. Here are those five.

1. Pictured above, its about "Day" the fat kitchen assistant being associated with food, hidden food, or food used for functions other than eating.

2. Somebody from Pupung ends up looking like a non-Pupung personality.

3. Jordan the short guy is being a cheap, buys something that looks ridiculous.

4. An object goes missing and is found being used for something else.

5. The old guy just being old and shit

Not convinced?

Click Here. View by Series.

The wanton lack of creativity makes Jimmy Santos sound like Nikolai Tesla in inventiveness. At least the guy has the knack to not appear everyday doing the same jokes. No, Pupung on the other hand appears on newspapers every single weekday of the year. And he has been doing this for at least 15 years already. Hell, even as a kid I already figured that shit out. You'd think somebody will start calling that shit out or something.

No, Pupung has managed to stay serialized, syndicated, and criminally asinine. A lot of funnier comics have died off for less significant reasons. Meanwhile, Pupung has six books out, and a restaurant named after it.

That's what you call achievement, ladies and gents.

Maid Cafe in Malate

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The other day I was on my way to Robinson's Place Manila when I came across a house filled with huge streamers with anime characters with the inscription "MAID CAFE". It's right across Bellagio Square along Bocobo Street (the street right in front of Midtown Mall from the Pedro Gil exit). I got curious and took a quick look inside. Not to my surprise, I found girls dressed in maid outfits inside, standing around the front of what looked like a normal house (the quality of the girls and outfits in question, I can't testify for or against because I didn't want to linger around too long with my GF tagged along)

On the streamers near the door there were pictures of "themed" rooms like jail cell, torture chamber, school classroom, upper house of congress etc, akin to what they have in some motels (which I learned of through billboards, mind you). Needless to say, it's Malate. The postnotes of signages are in Korean and Japanese. The rooms are themed. The girls are in costume. It shouldn't take a doctorate degree in the obvious to figure that one out.

What's oddly disturbing is the anime streamers, some of which feature popular and current series which are easily recognizable and which innocent youth (if such exist) might misinterpret for something harmless.

I'll try to find out more about the place when I get the time.

Rizal Acquitted

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

In a startling turn of events, on the same day that Hubert Webb has found himself acquitted of a crime that happened 19 years ago, and Hayden Kho found himself acquitted of a crime he's been repeatedly doing for five years now, the Coberresimo de Royal Audiencia has reversed its decision of finding Dr. Gat Jose Rizal guilty of conspiracy, sedition and rebellion - a good 114 years after the so called trial-of-the century. After a review of the cases filed, it was determined that Rizal's actions at that time were in fact supporting reverse of the situation and actually decried rebellion. The only reason the jury at the time found it otherwise was that one - they didn't have Rizal101 subject back then and two - Cesar Montano won't be born for another eighty or so years.

Public Static tried to reach Dr. Rizal for comment at the Rizal Park. "Sálgame de este ataúd!"* he says in muffled sounds. Haha, oh Rizal, you card.

*Get me the fuck out of this coffin, or something

Filipino Words and Meanings on Courtship/Love

Friday, December 10, 2010

Here are the meanings of a few words you might encounter in colloquial speech that you might not be too familiar with.

Kinakalantari - Inaagaw ang karelasyon ng ibang tao

Naniningalang pugad - nanliligaw

Dumidiga - Pumoporma

Nangangahoy - naghahanap ng liligawan

Namamangka sa dalawang ilog - Pinagsasabay ang dalawang katipan

Ulupong - Kobra, nanghaahas ng syota ng may syota

Talipandas - Mautak, in a very bad way

Tumutubol - Tumatae, natatalo sa pagibig

Nakikiapid - Nakikipagrelasyon sa taong meron nang relasyon

Pulot Gata - Pulot Gata

Mactan: Prologue

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Prologue: Dimenticato - The Forgotten

And for what, pray I ask of you, does a man perform incredible feats that are neither expected of him nor necessary for his preservation? Glory? Reassurance of his competence? Deluded grandeur of predestination? One can only wonder, for it is often that history remembers outcomes - but rarely intentions.

May 18, 1524. Malta.

This morning I woke up to the beating of my own frailing heart, clashing with the steady dripping of the tiled roof above my head. Rain comes and takes its toll on the human spirit. And though I am but in my thirties, my body groans and creaks just from rising from my cotton-mat bed as though I have been on this earth twice as many seasons. This enervation - it's almost nostalgic longing for my youth-filled days.

My name is Antonio Pigafetta, born of the affluent Pigafettas of Vincenza. I am a catographer, an astronomer, a geographer, and a linguist. Today is the second month that I have spent in this well-fabricated prison of invisible steel bars and political restraint.

I live in this room a guest to the noble duke of Florence, but the time I spend here is time spent as a captive of my own country. Outside the large oak doors are guards - to guard me or to prevent me from running away, I am not sure anymore - along with many other things that I've lost faith in.

Now I'm writing this personal account of the greatest story I've come to witness, this day, with the crudest of writing implement in hand and only the most diluted of ink. It pains me to share such a story in such form but I believe I have to put this into writing by any means.

Beside me is a window overlooking an old world gradually being changed by shifting powers, and beyond that, a blue sky encompassing a new discovered world unfolding before our very eyes. To my side, a golden cross full of scratches and an sizeable earring - testaments to the idea that though the world may change there are standards that will forever remain -


And men who will go to lengths unimaginable to uphold them.

This is my tale to tell, as a legacy of what I know.

My Company Christmas Parties, A Statistical Report

Monday, December 06, 2010

Number of parties attended: 7

Number of parties where I wore the same outfit: 3
Number of parties where I blacked out so hard I couldn't remember what I was wearing: 0.2 (not sure)

Number of parties where I danced like an idiot: 4
Number of parties where I danced like an idiot half naked: 1

Number of opening prayers lead: 3
Number of opening prayers lead unprepared: 3

Roles done during a party:
Prayer lead - 3
Co-Emcee - 1
Random committee dude - 1
Angry protester - 1

Number of times I said "This is the last time I'm helping out": 5

Themes Attended:
Masquerade - 2
70s - 1
Goth - 1
No theme - 2
Crippling poverty - 1

Major prizes won: 1
Oventoasters won: 3
Starbucks GCs won: I can't remember

Perimeter over diameter: 3.14

Angeli Flores of Blush

Thursday, December 02, 2010

A rather obscure contest I've been following lately has finally been completed. Project Lotus, a talent contest aimed at assembling the first Pan-Asian girl group has made its choices and chosen to represent our country is Angeli Flores, who people who are in the know are rooting for the most (even those who are not Filipino). I guess we have another potential world celebrity in the making.

So here's to Angeli Flores of Blush. Congratulations and more power to your group!

Kris Kringle Suggestions

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Let's face it. After a few years the whole "Something.." themes just get old. Here are a few more suggestions for monito/monitas Kris Kringles to shake up the whole game for yet another year of fussing over where to buy cheap shit wrapped in slightly used toilet newspaper.

Something Alive - Good for groups that are "game" and are willing to step out of the bounds of comfort. Bad if you're all squares, because chances are you'll all just end up buying, and receiving plants. Last time somebody tried to pull this in an IT company, a rabbit lay unclaimed, and several wildlife made a new habitat of our server room. Fun stuff - at least until somebody gets bit in the nads.

Something Deadly - It's always tricky to try and find something that's significant enough to qualify as deadly, but not so deadly enough as to have the ass of the giver arrested. Good for groups who don't have to go through full body scans when going to work/school (i.e. Airport staff, pilots, prisoners) but good for people who seem to harbor ill will towards each other, and mutual destruction is the only way out.

Something you will not mind dangling around your neck. - It should be something that the giver will not be afraid to dangle around their neck. As an additional bonus, require people to dangle whatever they receive for an entire day. Think of it as a social experiment. Will you give something less embarassing with the thinking that maybe everybody else is thinking the same thing or will it be otherwise?

Something functional AND edible - Let imaginations run wild. A lollipop can be a booger picker too. Bubblegum can be paste. Condom regulates populations and has various flavours. Pills... well nevermind.

Something old - boring stuff, but it'd be interesting what people can dig up, specially if it's in their backyard. Specially if their backyard happens to be a communist mass grave.


Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Guy A: You don't know the gravity of the situation at hand.

Guy B:

Going Commando

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

"Going Commando" is a common term both among Filipinos and even around the world as a term for when you are not wearing any underwear, or socks. The origin of usage in the Philippines is largely a mystery, but it's been said that the term originates from Scottish tradition among soldiers that require them to not wear underwear when wearing a kilt. Alternative terms are "going regimental" and "being a true scotsman". Other alternative explanations claim that commandos in the jungle often had to work with a limited set of clothing so after a while they are left with little options in what they have underneath their workgear. There's also the idea that by not having underwear, you'd always be ready "for action" like a commando. Either way, it's still about dangling what shouldnt normally dangle. Like a pro.

Bantayan Island Cebu Travel Guide

Monday, November 22, 2010

Bantayan island is located near Cebu and is probably what Boracay looked like before it was Boracay. Bantayan is named after the local term "To guard" which is what the island used to do against Chinese pirates. Nowadays, that task has been passed on to the Optical Media board and Edu Manzano, and the island has become a getaway beach of sorts (less the Chinese pirates and plus the Korean tourists).

To get to Bantayan, you first have to go to Cebu, take a bus from the North Bus Station to the Hagnaya port and ride a RoRo ferry which, next to tectonic plates, is probably the slowest moving thing in the ocean today. Luckily, the ferry canteen offers beer. It doesn't make the trip faster, but like many things, alcohol helps you forget. Word of advice: Don't get the VIP seats. Don't ask why. One thing you may want to watch is the deluge of porters (guys who carry baggages for you) the split second the ferry hits (literally) the dock. They come flying into the galley from every conceivable entry point (windows, portholes, chimneys, CR etc) like pirate ninjas off to carry your loot luggage. It's amazing.

Bantayan island is actually home to three rural towns. Santa Fe, Bantayan, and some other town whose name I forgot. Most resorts are in Santa Fe, so expect prices to be unrural, because you know, you're a tourist. I didn't go to the other two. I just felt that I had to mention this fact here to sound like I'm credible.

Cheapest place to eat if you're not finicky or a fish (in which case you should avoid) is the wetmarket. There are carinderias over there where you can buy "de latas" and ask them to cook the contents (and the can, if that's your thing) Cebuanos like to cook rice and stuff them into intricately prepared banana leaves the size of a baby's heart. They call it "puso" and is probably the greatest innovation to rice eating ever since it lets you eat rice with just one hand, while standing up, on the go, or taking a dump.

The beach in Bantayan is like a conversation with a fine arts major. It's very artistic, it's shallow as hell, and it doesn't get any deeper no matter how far you go. The sand is white and powdery, but unlike Boracay, is populated with tiny sea shells that are sharp enough to puncture skin and small enough to enter your bloodstream. Enough of these pricked me while running around, so like if I bend sideways, you can almost hear the ocean waves. Boracay doesnt have these because they employ indigenous children to ground up the shells at night when nobody's looking for measly pay and horribly living conditions. Shame on you Boracay.

Nearby Bantayan is the Virgin island, which is called in local terms "palay na hindi pa nagiging bigas dahil wala pang bumabayo" since that's too long, and since they don't really speak dirty Tagalog in Cebu, it's called Virgin island.

There are no virgins in the island, save for the time me and my fellow gang of IT developer guys went there. We totally spiked the virginity ratios. Other than that, yeah. Don't get your hopes up.

Virgin Island, going by my earlier analogy, is like Bantayan Island before it realized it's Bantayan Island. Save for a sarisaristore, a makeshift toilet, and a mysterious couple of houses that have one too many earthen jars (that may or may not house ninjas) the Island is largely undeveloped.

The beachline is pristine, white, and teeming with fish and other sea life just a few feet from the shore. Unsurprisingly, sea urchins are also present just waiting to fuck your foot with their 3 inch needles of FUCK YOU. If you get pricked by one of these, you will be in exruciating pain, at least until you will realize that the fastest cure is to get yourself peed on wherever you got pricked to enable the urnine's ammonia to disperse the poison (after which the main sensation will be bordering shame/clinical depression).If ever you face dive and hit one of these things, tough shit. Wear sandals, use goggles, and don't be retarded. That ought to prevent any untoward events.

There are no waves in Bantayan island, making it ideal for backfloating, swimming, and sex on the beach. For references on how painful beach sex with strong waves may feel like, watch Derek and whats her name's love scene in I Love You, Goodbye. It's already scripted, starring the two hottest actors in the Philippine showbusiness, and they still couldn't make it look like they even remotely enjoyed it. But I digress.

Virgin island has very few people on it year round, making it a peaceful alternative to Boracay. Food is ordered ahead of time and cooked on the spot by a team of male chefs who coincidentally are the boatmen who will be taking you to the island. That's what you call true multidisciplinary practice (Take note, lazy Ateneans).

If you feel like pretending to be a masa mangingisda, or you just want to get to deeper waters without having to risk being raped by sea urchins, you can rent a row boat bangka and paddle to the deep part instead. I'm just saying. Real men would swim all the way. As nature intended.

80% of the island is covered with dense foiliage and jagged rocks that form small caves that are probably still being used by Japanese who think the war is not yet over. Exercise caution. You might trip and fall on a bayonet.

Other fast facts for Philippine destinations:

New Pilipinas Tourism Slogan

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Once again, our good government has disappointed people by not only coming up with the most asinine slogan ever (who the hell markets to foreigners in Tagalog? By watching too many tagalized TV did we somehow get the impression that everybody in this world speaks the vernacular? Even hookers in Ermita haggle in English for pete's sake) and to top it off, we stole the font for our official logo from the tourism LOGO of Poland - as though by some chance, the people in Poland are still under Soviet rule and are forbidden from using the internet, watching TV, and recognizing their own standard banner when it's being ripped off by us.

exhibit a: the so called filipino ingenuity at work

You know what? Fuck it. I've had it putting up with these people who keep on stealing shit. If we're so proud of a culture that plagiarizes, rips people off, and ever proudly defends their right to do so, we might as well go along for the ride.

By the power vested in me by the tax money that I'm forced to pay every time I render work, I hereby exercise my right to contribute to governance by presenting to you my proposed tourism logo.

p.s. Poland, we're sorry. Feel free to steal this as compensation.

Mga Aral ng Dyip

(This article was cowritten with Anna for some project I can't really remember. It's in Tagalog, so if you don't understand the vernacular, come back again tomorrow for a different, but more understandable article. )

Lahat ng aral na kailangan mo matutunan sa buhay, matutunan mo na sa pagsakay ng dyip.

Kung sasakay ka ng dyip, kailangan marunong kang pumara. Dapat marunong kang ipaalam sa ibang tao kung ano ang iyong pakay. Minsan, ang mistulang hindi mahalagang wasiwas ng kamay ang pinagkaiba ng dyip na pwedeng sakyan at ng tangang nasagasaan.

Tulad ng buhay, ang paglalakbay lulan ng mga dyip ay hindi isang bihayeng matuwid. Dapat ay marunong kang magplano, tanggapin na hindi palaging pareho ang paroroonan mo at ng dyip; Na minsan kailangan mo bumaba bago magkalihis ang iyong landas at ng daang tinatahak ng sinasakyan mo. Matutong sumabay sa pagbabago.

Sa pagbabayad, kailangan matuto kang magtiwala sa mga kasama mo. Hindi mo kayang abutin lahat ng bagay, kaya dapat marunong ka ring umasa sa iba, at maging maasahan pag ikaw naman ang napaghingan ng tulong.

Ang dyip, parang mga pangyayari, madaling sakyan pero hindi mo sya palagi kayang pahintuin kung kailan mo gusto. Ang kaya mo lang gawin ay paghandaan ito at matutong lumakad kung lumagpas ka sa iyong inaasahan.

Ang dyip ay parang maliit na mundo. Maingay, magulo, at hindi mo mapipili ang mga taong makakasakay mo. Tinuturuan nito tayo ng pagtanggap na hindi lang tayo nagmamayari ng lahat, na ang mga karapatan mo ay hanggang kung saan lang abot ng pamasahe mo.

Ang dyip, parang pagkakataon din. Kapag naiwanan ka, hindi pa katapusan ng mundo. May darating at darating din na iba pa. At kung wala man, hindi lang iisa ang pwede mong kunin para makarating ka sa paroroonan. Basta marunong ka maghantay.

Hindi maiiwasan mapagiwanan, pero ang buhay, parang dyip lang talaga. Kung talagang gugustuhin mo, pwede ka pa ring sumabit, kumapit ng mahigpit, at makarating ka din sa paroroonan.

McDonald's Run (Away from that evil clown)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I saw this poster just this morning. Perhaps when Ronald was talking about Happy Meals, he was thinking of the emotional state of whatever he's going to eat for lunch. Who the hell gave the go signal to publish this image? You'd think the murderous slant of the eyebrows would've raised red flags already. It's a clown who's supposed to be happy, not a convict happy to break out from solitary confinement!

Disclaimer: Apart from zooming in using the oh-so-fab MSPaint and making snide remarks, I did not alter this poster to make Ronald McDonald look more evil. If you don't want to believe me, go visit your nearest McD outlet.

Funny Tagalog Quotes

Friday, November 12, 2010

Babangon ako't dudurugin kita. Tapos matutulog ako ulit.

Marami ka pang kakaining bigas. Mas marami kung hindi ka marunong magsaing.

Papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako. Gusto ko kasing makaupo sa MRT.

Kung ano ang puno, sya ang bunga. Alangan naman hindi, tanga!

Ang hindi marunong tumingin sa pinanggalingan, hindi makararating sa paroroonan - lalo na kung paatras ka pumarada.

Daig ng maagap ang masipag. Kasi kinabukasan, pwede mo nakawin yung ginawa ng masipag.

Ang tumakbo ng matulin, kung matinik ay malalim. At ang nantitinik ng malalim, kailangan tumakbo ng matulin.

Queso De Bola Hates You

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Is it just me or is the Quezo De Bola the most impractical shit you will ever see being unquestionably gobbled up by consumers during Christmas? Whoever designed this piece of cheese really hates ordinary consumers. Here's a reason why:

1. Quezo De Bola is round, making it all the harder to store in a flat space without having it roll off somewhere else (like the ground, where it does not belong)

2. It's coated in paraffin wax. Call me backwards, but when considering looking for a way to find a way to keep the cheese clean, my thought isn't going to be "Let's dip it in melted red candle"

3. Quezo De Bola is sinisterly LARGE. Large enough, at least in my family, to supply cheese until about two months before the next Christmas season, ensuring we'd have to eat cheese at least once every two days if we want to be able to eat a new Quezo De Bola the following Christmas, which I have no idea why we'd want to, but we do so anyway.

4. Quezo De BOla is LARGE. Did I mention that? Because of #3, you have to store it at some point, and then when you try to fit it into the fridge, IT WON'T FIT BECAUSE IT'S ROUND. (see #1)

5. So now you have to chop it up into pieces, which defeats the purpose of #2 and exposes the CHEESE to the ELEMENTS ANYWAY because that's what happens when you CUT the PARAFIN coating.

Why Filipinos continue to bother with this salty cheese that's just slightly softer than cheddar is beyond me.

My Latest Project

Monday, November 08, 2010

Order placed. We'll see in 5 days if this works.

Backwards Compatibility

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Whoever made the Bible would've fit nicely in working with Windows.

Support for the first five books of the Old Testament means it's backwards compatible with Judaism.

Converts would just have to add the additional modules (the New Testament, aptly acronymed NT) and other additional components (the other books of the OT) and voila.

That's what you call easy migration.

Villar Doesn't Get It

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Manny Villar is passing a resolution to protect social networkers, and specifically pointed out the cases that are now being investigated by the police “wherein the suspects used Facebook and text messages to lure people, specially minors, into engaging in sexual activities.” Apparently, part of this device or scheme is to use the online networking system of establishing ‘clans’ and inviting youths to join where part of the initiation includes participation in sexual activities.
Or the resolution said.

I'm not sure if we're talking about the same internet here. Last time I checked, a clan is a term used for online games, networked games and the like. Having participated in a lot of these clan thingies for the better part of my post-pubescent life, I can conclude that there is nothing sexual in it, not counting men who try to masquerade as women in order to lure more men into the clan thinking that there is sex coming to them. 90% of these clans are constituted by men. 8% more of them are female identities secretly operated by men. The 2% remain the elusive womenfolk that actually exist.

A friend of a friend of mine who used to chat up this other guy told me and swears by it that one time, he actually saw a biological female in an EB of another clan. He swears by it enough so I believe him.

Anyway, unless men suddenly develop an evolutionary ability to physically change gender while connected to the internet, No, there will be no sexing that's going to happen. If ever, it's the opposite. By associating yourself with online clans, you in a sense ward off the idea of sex. For all the praise and acclaim the geek culture is getting nowadays, in truth, women are still repulsed by the idea of the clan-based geek. Clans are like what's promised to Islam fundamentalists. 99 virgins, albeit they're all men.

We can say that it's a passive contraceptive of sorts - the type that would make Bishops climax just thinking about it. I think we're approachign the problem in the wrong direction. We should pass a counteresolution. Promote clanism. It's like being in a frat and entering a seminary at the same time.

Population control of the new age.

Media Wishlist

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

1. Everybody should stop treating journalists like they're the only ones with deadly jobs. More pedestrians are needlessly getting killed than journalists at any given day - and they're not even getting occupational hazard pay.

2. In relation to #1, the government should stop brown nosing by passing laws too specific for journalism as a whole instead of working on laws where everybody could benefit from. Making government documents legally available to everybody will limit the need for oversensational investigations.

3. It's the 21st century, let's accept the fact that even journalists are corruptible. You draw the conclusions where I'm getting at on this one.

4. Journalists should stop asking for the opinions of famous people on issues just because they're famous, and not because they know what they're talking about. This applies to bishops, half-educated senators, university figureheads (from the wrong department) and bloggers.

5. Stop calling nobodies who claim they're experts as "experts" just because they seem so sure about what they're saying.

6. Stop using the word "kaganapan" entirely. It will make life much easier for everybody.

7. The internet is a nice place to get information from, but it's never a good place to base public opinion. Like it or not, online is still a niche crowd.

8. "Sponsored" news bits should be declared as such. That's how it was done before, that's how it should be done now.

9. We need more news about business and the economy. Once upon a time we actually had these on public TV.

10. Ramon Tulfo is a biased asshole, but he's honest about his polarities. The rest of the industry should at least be more open about it like him.

Finer Points: Eating in Hong Kong

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Here are some things that you may find different when eating in Hong Kong, as compared to eating in the Philippines:

1. If you have an issue with the overall hygiene of Chinese restaurants, take heart in the fact that the people in Hong Kong do too. Matter of fact, they even integrated it in their tradition, with the washing of utensils with tea water a part of their more formal merienda-style meals.

2. People in Hong Kong prefer hot drinks with their hot meals. They claim it's to foster better digestion. Even if it's hot outside, hot in the restaurant, and the world is burning. They'd still serve you hot water just because.

3. Hong Kong serves one of the largest food portions per meal in Asia. Surprisingly, they also have very low obesity rates, proving once and forall that exercise and genetic metabolism > diet. Try living in a city built over hills, mountains, and sometimes, what feels like vertical ravines. Anything you eat's bound to be burnt up after a walk "around the block"

4. People don't remove trays when they eat, unlike Filipinos who generally view trays as dirty items. Like Filipinos though, HK people aren't used to cleaning up after their own meals either.

5. Speaking of cleaning up, unlike in the Philippines, it's actually rude in their culture to leave dirty dishes on the table after everybody's eating, so the cleaners will literally clean shit up the moment you stop chewing and moving around your food. (Happens to me a lot when I get chatty). As for our case, we take it as a personal insult when somebody removes our plate even if we've been done eating for the last three hours, and are just mooching off table rights and airconditioning.


200k Visitor Marker

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

It took me four years to get there, but hey, nice.

Thanks for the patronage.

Company Farewell Letter

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

This is the letter that I sent out during my last day of work in my last company. I remember writing this while working on an issue in Framework PROD, so the shoddy writing's excusable. Thanks to Christine for sending me a copy. I got so worked up trying to leave I forgot to send me my own copy haha.

Panuto: Mas mahaba pa ito sa naunang liham na ipinadala ko noong isang taon. Magbigay ng ilang oras para matapos ang babasahing ito. Wag gawin sa 15 minute break kung ayaw mo maoverbreak. (bawal kasi marelaks dito) Kung wala ka namang ganung karaming oras, laktawan mo na ang lahat ng salita pagktapos ng pangungusap na ito:

"Paalam at salamat po."

Pero since nagbabasa ka pa rin, buckle up. Mahaba ulit ang pasada.

Sino nga ba ang magaakala no? Isang taon at kalahati matapos kong isulat yung mail sa baba, sumusulat nanaman ako ng farewell letter. Anak ng teteng naman. Dapat pala yung sinulat ko last time, yung reusable na, parang lampin. Eh di sana nakatipid ako ng oras na pwede kong gamitin para sa pagiging drain to the economy (i.e. petiks).

Marami na rin nangyari simula ng sinulat ko yung huli kong farewell letter. Lumipat ulit tayo ng office. Hindi na mga seaman ang mga kasama natin sa floor. (mga Jebsen and Jessen engineers na). Yung dating redlight district at dagat na nakapalibot sa office natin, naging "middle of f'ing nowhere" at talahiban na (ayon yan sa mga dalubhasang eksperto at job applicants na gumamit pa ng GPS para mahanap ang lugar natin).

Lumaki na rin ang office natin. Noong una ako dumating sa kasulukyang opis natin, sabi ko "shet ang laki nito. Pwede pa tayo magtayo ng sauna, gym, at fishpen." Akala ko lang yun. Eh ngayon nagsisiksikan na tayo. Ultimo pantry pala, hindi kasya. Speaking of which, bago man lang ako umalis, gusto ko sana magpasimuno ng charity work dito. Magiiwan ako ng "Piso Para sa Pantry" na hulugan ng barya. Ang mga proceeds nito ay gagamitin upang ipambili ng mga upuan na hindi nagiisplit kung kelan mo gusto, para hindi tayo naglalaro ng Trip To Jerusalem na walang music every lunchtime.

At higit sa lahat, dumami na rin tayo. Sa totoo lang, may mga araw na napapaisip ako kung tumatanda na ako dahil parang arawaraw may mga bago akong mukha na nakakasalubong sa office. (to be fair, yung iba, mahilig lang talaga magexperiment ng makeup). Buti na rin na nagkaroon tayo ng outing, kahit papaano nakilala ko rin ang mas marami sa mga taga FEP team. (thanks committee members~ special heads up sa Team EBAC!) Natutunan ko na hindi pala sila iba sa atin. Ordinaryong tao rin pala sila na dumaraing sa mga problema na dinaraing natin (at hindi pala sila kumakain ng tao gaya ng una kong hula. Peace tayo. Mapait ang lasa ko)

Marami na rin ang umalis. Umaalis. Aalis. Minsan nagugulat pa rin ako kapag sinisilip ko yung mga lumang pictures natin. Andami dun nawala na. Nangibangbansa, nangibangkumpanya, nagibangkasarian. (joke lang ung last, pero hangga't walang ebidensya lang) Sila Marghil, Kenneth, Ma'am Lee, Bryan, Cris tae, Alvin, Marock, Rhen the 1st, Katkat. Ako na ang susunod sa kanila. Inisiisip ko na lang, at least nasa mas masayang lugar na sila ngayon. At yun naman ata ang pinakaimportante sa lahat.

Halos limang taon din ako lumagi dito. Sa edad ko, 20% na sya ng talambuhay ko. Mas mahaba pa sa kindergarten, sa highschool, at sa college. Andami ko rin natutunan (see below email for more details). At bilang team lead, lalo pa lumago ang mga nalalaman ko. Heto ang ilan sa kanila:

- Hindi pala lahat ng tao gusto umakyat sa corporate ladder. May mga taong alam na agad ang kahalagahan ng pagkakuntento. Sila ang mga swerte kasi alam nila kung saan sila liligaya, at alam nila na nakamit na nila ito.

- May mga bagay na pwede mong ipilit sa isang tao at mayroon ding buhay at kamatayan ang nakataya kapag pinwersa mo. Kung di ka matututong alamin kung alin ang alin, magiging mahirap ang buhay mo.

- Walang trabahong madali. Nagiging mas mahirap lang talaga sya kapag ugaling impakto ka. Kaya dapat, laging mabait at sincere.

- Mas mahirap humawak ng tao kesa humawak ng mga program, kasi ang program lahat ng instructions mo nirurun basta may kuryente ang computer. Ang tao, depende sa mood, skill, morale, food and sugar content, at Starbucks saturation levels. Parang rocket science.

- Pero mas masaya din na tao ang kaharap mo, kasi ang computer baduy magjoke at hindi marunong ngumiti.

- Kapag nagmamanage ka na, hindi lang yung nasa baba ang minamanage mo. Pati rin sa taas at sa sideways. Advantage pag may extra kang kamay.

- Ang team lead, walang silbe kung wala sa kanya ang suporta ng kanyang teammates, at sa dulo ng lahat, ang makapagpapatagumpay sa isang project ay ang collective effort ng lahat. Walang superhero. Walang Bayani (Fernando).

At marami pang iba.

Pero heto na nga ako, nagresign na rin. Mahabang nobela ang kalalabasan kung magkukuwento ako kung bakit pero ang nais ko lang sabihin, kahit siguro matanda na ako, hindi ako magsisisi. Masasabi ko sa sarili ko na hanggang sa huling sandali, sinubukan kong paganahin ang pwedeng paganahin sa lahat ng makakaya ko.

Kinulang lang talaga sa gasolina.

Last day ko na ngayon kaya di na rin siguro ako magpapaligoy ligoy. Gusto kong umalis dito na nasabi ko ang lahat. Ani nga ng sinulat ko dati sa Girl's Diary,

"Life is like that sometimes. That is why when you have something to tell to somebody you love, never wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow is life's luxury that can as easily be taken away that it never comes, and the opportunity to change how things turn out will be lost forever."

Mga bagay na gusto ko sabihin dati pa na di ko rin masabi sa napakaraming kadahilanan:

1. Inaamin ko na. Nagtotorrent ako sa dati nating opisina kapag weekends. At pag may overnighters, tinatanggal ko ang filter paminsanminsan para makapfacebook. Alam ko na dapat role model ako kasi kasama ako sa nagiimplement ng rules, pero sadyang pasaway lang talaga ako.

2. Marami dito sa office ang nagiging cute pag nakangiti at nakatawa kaya kahit korni lagi ko sinusubukang magjoke. Selfish, oo na, pero gusto ko talaga magtrabaho sa isang opisina na hindi mukhang berdugo ng bilibid ang mga kasama ko.

3. Closet chismoso din ako, kaya kahit mabagal ako sa balita, umaabot at umaabot din sakin ang mga bagay bagay. Makulay talaga ang buhay dito, kulang na lang si Ruffa Guttierez at Cristi Fermin (pasensya na, TV5 lang ang malinaw sa bahay).

4. Wag na kayo masyado magalit sa mga amoy putok na Chinese. Wala lang talaga sa kultura nila yun, in the same way hindi tayo dapat pagalitan kung di tayo marunong magkungfu. Maglakas loob na bigyan sila ng payo. At wag pilitin ang mga kababaihan na magahit ng kilikili. Baka seksi sa kanila yon. Kanyakanyang trip lang yan.

5. Okay lang ang magtuksuhan pero dapat hindi rin sobra sobra. Hindi nakabubuti kung puro negatives lang tayo. Alam kong parang pang matanda yung comment na to, pero dapat balanse lang. (i.e pag tinawag mo pangit, sabihin mo naman na saksakan ng bait sya)

6. Alam nyo, kung iisipin natin hindi naman lahat ng nangyari satin dito masama. Dahil sa may mga taong nagpahirap ng buhay natin, nagkaroon tayo ng common enemy at natigil din ang mga maliliit na alitan natin. Naging mas close tayo. Natuto tayo na maging united against the same problem. At dahil hindi pa tayo patay, mas lumalakas tayo. Kumbaga sa Smurfs, kung wala si Gargamel, siguro nagcivil war na tayo dito at binitin ng patiwarik si Papa Smurf dahil masyado syang trendsetter. (pasensya na sa mga taong hindi na inabutan ang Smurfs. Abangan na lang ang live-action remake nito starring Lady Gaga)

7. Manok na bata.

8. Humihingi ako ng patawad sa mga tao na nasaktan ko sa tagal ng pagstay ko dito. Alam kong hindi ako ang pinakasensitibong tao at madalas ay nakakasakit na ako, hindi ko pa namamalayan. Sa mga pagkakataon na parang di ako marunong makibagay sa emosyon ng mga tao, sa mga pagkakataon na hindi ako magkapagseryoso pero dapat, sa mga pagkakataon na nababalewala ko ang mga effort ng mga tao lalo na ng mga malalapit sa akin, paumanhin. Alam kong napakarami kong kasalanan sa inyo at nagpapasalamat ako na natanggap nyo pa rin ako kahit papaano.

9. Pasensya na kung hindi natupad yung "Last Man Out" strategy. Forever guilt ko na siguro yung idea na marami akong trabahong iniwan dito na hindi pa tapos, at mga pangakong di pa natutupad. Lalo na sa inyo.

10. Mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat. Parang pamilya na kayo sa akin. Maraming salamat sa lahat. Yun lang po talaga ang nais ko sabihin. Maarte lang talaga ako sumulat ng mga ganitong bagay.

Maliit lang naman ang mundo, lalo na sa pag sa mundo ng IT. Feel free po na tawagan ako sa cellphone number ko: . Kapag babae ang sumagot, hindi ako yun. Kapag lalaking nagboboses babae, lalong hindi ako yun. At wala kayong dapat pagsabihan ng narinig ninyo, cross your heart and hope to die (ikaw).

May mga contacts din po ako online. Sa facebook at sa yahoo, . Yung blog ko, iaactivate ko na rin pagkatapos ko umalis dito, . Exchange links tayo para yumaman tayo at matulad na kay pareng Marhgil.

Kung may oras at pondo kayo, suportahan nyo rin sana yung iba ko pang mga kalokohan sa buhay. Statement Magazine June edition comes out first week of June available at all leading bookstores nationwide, featuring Derek Ramsey (eto yung hinahantay mo Gold), Maiki Oreta (eto naman yung hinahantay ko), Kenneth Yu Chan (yung hindi nakapaghantay na magresign ako), and other forgettable people in scantily clad poses. I think I have written three articles there. Kung may time kayo, daan din sana kayo sa Alchemy Bar sa Tiendesitas every Thursday. Standup Comedy Open Mic nights. I'm planning to make a comeback din dun (kailangan ko ng tagapalakpak). Libre entrance, libre inom (tubig). Babalitaan ko kayo kapag naging macho star na ako ng sarili kong pelikula (kapag nauso na ulit yung homeless look)

There's a big world out there and we have but one life to live. We will only be able to take these chances once so we have to take those that count whenever we can. Never be afraid to venture out of what you already are comfortable with. Always live life as you would a team building challenge. Mistakes will set us back every now and then, but it's all part of a greater plan. And for the love of everything holy, sane, and standardized, always make sure you save your work and make backups. (Kunwari may sense pa rin ang aking mga sinasabi.)

Kung may maitutulong po ako, sabihin nyo lang at susubukan ko sa aking makakaya, wag lang sa pera, pagibig, at AS400 - wala akong alam sa mga yan.

Yun na lang po. Para sa benefit ng mga taong mahilig magscroll down at ayaw magbasa, uulitin ko na lang ung sinabi ko sa itaas.

"Paalam at salamat po."

Tunay nang namamaalam,
Red Kinoko


Self-importance, status check, the works

Monday, October 18, 2010

Here's what's going on with my life so far:

1. I went to Japan, and I still haven't done the writeup as promised. Maybe if somebody can sponsor another trip to Japan, I'd be able to write something more comprehensive than "lol I can't read shit thar". *hint hint*

2. Work's been heavy and I barely have time for pretty much everything else in the list. Yes, I'm using it as an excuse, and yes, it's a legal defense according to the great book of procrastination.

3. My magazine writing stint is on hold. I'm still thinking whether I should pursue the whole gig further, maybe branch out to other titles where my writing is more suitable. The good news is that there are a lot of other options like FHM and Game!, the bad news is that the magazine where my skills will fit the most has not been established yet - Masturbation Monthly.

4. I'm seriously contemplating going back to the standup comedy scene. I've accumulated material over the years that I've stopped, and I think I've gotten better handling my stage fright thanks to my job description. Bad part is, my jokes still suck when I tell them. I wonder if people will still allow me up on the mic.

5. After Lost and Found, the Graphic Fiction Awards, and my work with my cuz, Gharawi, I finally got me a faster computer which can actually edit digital videos shot at a rate faster than 5fps without suffering from a meltdown. I'm thinking of trying this field again. If I have time. Friends who can pass for actors. A charger for our video cam.

6. Stock market's doing great. Playing bits and pieces, but not as actively before. There's profit in patience. Bonds are doing great, thanks to my mom's advice.

7. Rewrite of Chemical Manila is ongoing, although for now, I'm not publishing it anywhere online. I just found out yesterday that there's a graphic series called Zombies in Manila. I'd like to raise the fact that I started in 2008 with the first iteration of the series (you can see the first post here in the blog). I'm not knocking anybody off, and the trope "zombies in ___" is pretty staple. It's the execution that will matter in the long run.

8. I quit modding for Ragnaboards. Or rather, I'm just making it official. The whole thing's going to the dumpers in a few weeks anyway. If you used to be active in that community, now's the best time to make backups.

9. I've finally read Wanted: Full Support Priestess in it's entirety, two years after I finished writing all 70 chapters of it. It's not as bad as I originally thought it was. It's real lightweight, and I had fun reading it. I'd say even those people who arent familiar with Ragnarok Online could get something out of it - as I had originally intended.

10. Doing interior design for really small interiors is a bitch. Paying for what you put in those interiors, is too. Won't divulge too much details here.

11. I have a suprise trip coming up. Won't divulge on details either.

12. Currently playign dot hack GU redemption on my PC. The PS2 emulator is love.

13. Amagami is a very lovely anime series. Fans of harem animu should definitely watch it.

14. I have too many things on my list now, don't I? I'll just end here.

Welcome Back Batibot

Friday, October 15, 2010

Batibot is going to be aired again in TV5. Ate Sienna and Kuya Bodjie are coming back, although I'm not sure if society is still as forgiving as it was 20 years ago, when it still allowed old, bearded bachelors who hang around town plazas to take kids into strange adventures that wouldn't be too out of place in an acid trip.

Sadly, Kiko and Pong are still gone. Which brings me to my take on the situation, why da eff should we bother calling it Batibot if the main characters that made it Batibot are not there anyway? Can we call Isumbong Mo Kay Tulfo the same if we take out the foul-mouthed bigot Tulfo and replaced him with a more aloof Joey De Leon?

If Koko kwikkwak takes the main helm of that show, blood will run in the streets driven by the collective, gut-curdling anger of every kid of my generation who grew up seeing that stupid bird steal the limelight from the beloved monkey and turtle combo. To think they considered him as a friend.

(from left to right: Pong Pagong, Kiko Matsing, Judas Iscariot)

Nobody likes Koko Kwikwak. His name alone is enough to make me cringe even as a kid. I've seen more appeal in roadkill than that mascot, which appears like it was forsaken by the God of creativity. See, Kiko Matsing looked liked he's your typical unshaven homeless dude who occassionally sniffs solvent, but he cool. In a way Kiko Matsing prepared us for that one guy in our barkada who's just into too much illegal shit, but is fun to hang out with anyway. Pong Pagong kinda looks stupid, but in a dope kind of way that reminds you of Fat Albert. Besides, if everybody had a voice like Pong, which I seriously suspect was caused by too much inhalation of helium, nobody would ever get mad at anybody. I mean, if somebody insulted you and said WHEEEEEEEEEEE in the end, would you get angry or will you just laugh your ass off? Anyway, as for Koko, he went full retard. Nobody goes full retard and walks away happy. There are no existing pictures of him on the internet with any trace of dignity. If Noynoy was juxtaposed with him, our president will look like the perfect statesman. I would not want him as a friend. Or even a pet. Or even a stuffed animal.

I suppose it's great that we will have Batibot again, hopefully this time it's going to stick better than Batang Batibot which ran on a government channel. Whose idea was that anyway? I can't trust our government with my health insurance, how much more the children who need somebody to look up to? Let's face it. As far as good morals go, the government is second to the last thing on everybody's mind. (The last one being reserved for Gloria Arroyo) That program was doomed from the very beginning.

This time though it should be better. Manny Pangilinan, owner of TV5 should know better. If he can pirate Willie Revillame for millions of pesos, how is it possible that he cannot do the same thing for Pong and Kiko?

Here's to high hopes, and yeah, welcome back Batibot.

Random Mental Blurts

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The internet will kill creativity as we know it. First, technology is making it easier and more fulfilling to spectate rather than create. Exposure to talent all over the world raises the bar of standards higher than ever before, and that makes starting out more daunting for a beginner. It's harder to get motivated if people aren't around to appreciate you.

Second, with access to more prior art, it's now easier to just look for something to copy than to furnish one yourself. The race between catching copycats and finding more obscure sources to copy from seems like it's over. The teachers cannot catch students who steal reports online anymore. Musicians can copy songs from another country without anybody ever noticing. The copycats won, and now it's being integrated into culture. This is reflected in our current propensity to listen to covered music, revived movies, and cosplaying, all instances independent of each other but following the same line of thought.

"'In the information society, nobody thinks. We expect to banish paper, but we actually banish thought." - Michael Crichton.

We are paying the salary of this man.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

"The eventual actions to be taken against the persons involved must live up to their pledge to be accountable to the public. That is also what is owed to the dead and the injured. We will convey our views to the Philippine government through proper channels," the spokesman said in a statement.

Aquino's legal adviser Eduardo de Mesa said his team concluded that more serious charges against the higher officials would not stand up in court.

"It is futile to initiate criminal proceedings against them. Charging somebody for something that will probably not succeed is not right," he said.

By corollary, if you can kill somebody smart enough to leave no meaningful way to be prosecuted in court, you have done nothing wrong, and it would be wrong of anybody to say otherwise.

Game On! Concert Date, Song List, and Ticket Information (CANCELLED)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Please be informed that as of November 11, 2010 the show has already been canceled. Tickets will be refunded by Ambient Media Inc via their number 217-24-96.

Filharmonika Orchestra, those dudes that
brought us the awesome album that is Kumpas, brings to the Philippines probably the first full-on concerto that will play video game music in the Philippines. I'll update this post as soon as I get more information.

Dec 17, 2010
8:00pm - 11:00pm
Gates open at 5pm
World Trade Center

Ticket Prices: 1000 pesos and 750 pesos

For Ticket Inquiries:
Sheila Marcos

Program includes songs from:

Call of Duty
Chrono Cross
Command and Conquer
Final Fantasy
Gears of War
Legend of Zelda
Mass Effect 2
Metal Gear Solid
Mortal Kombat
Plants vs ZOmbies
Silent Hill
Street Fighter
Super Mario
Tomb Raider
World of Warcraft

No information on the final list of tracks that will be played. Date and venue is already confirmed.

I already got my tickets. :) (Last updated Nov 7)

Condo Locations in Metro Manila : A Review

Here's a short evaluation of potential locations of your condominium unit.

The Fort
Dubbed as the next Makati, The Fort is quickly developing , like a pubescent gremlin, with construction work ongoing in almost every block. Transportation seems ample, and amenities are available, though on the upscale side. With units being priced at their most expensive (5m for a studio type, fucking really?), one has to wonder if all those new condos will ever be filled with tennants. Keep in mind the relationship of price and oversupply. Mark my word, prices will drop in the next half decade, here unless we all suddenly wake up one day with all our teeth stolen and the tooth fairy singlehandedly makes us overnight millionaires.

Libis Eastwood
Eastwood used to dream to become what the Fort is now - the IT hub of the whole country. Which didn't really happen as planned. Personally I think the developers of this place had one goal in mind: to provide all the comforts of luxury living and combine it with the added bonus of being in the middle of fucking nowhere, surrounded by traffic jam not seen elsewhere except in Bangkok and the sixth circle of hell. Companies are now moving piece by piece to The Fort, and residents of condos here might be surprised one day to find out that they're all alone already.

McKinley Hill -
The silent, serial killerish little brother of The Fort. Most of the time people actually think M.Hill is part of the Fort, which it isn't because the two are seperated by a huge cemetery and the two places are only connected in two places - C5 and Lawton avenue. It's actually deliberate. The Fort does not want anything to do with McKinely Hill, and the two are being maintained by rival land developers. McKinley Hill hates pedestrians as much as it hates accessibility, making sure there is barely any semblance of public transportation going into and out of the place, and even less transportation to go around when you're already inside. Assumption here is even the street sweep has a car, so this place has more carparks than actual places to go to (hint: apart from the Piazza, there's not much of anything else). There are no Jollibees to speak of, but there are three McDonald outlets. Live here, and you will forever hate Big Macs.

Makati CBD - There are hardly any new condos being put up here anymore, and justifiably so. Live here and you're in the middle of everything and you won't have to go far to get what you want. Not that you can go far even if you wanted to go far. Makati is a 24/7 business hub and the traffic that is associated with it can be compared to toothpaste dripping. Long slow oozing followed by a fast break, and then back to long slow oozing that will make even the pope bored.

Greenhills - Thanks to the advent of condo development, you can now live in places where rich people live while still being poor as a rat - well, relatively anyway. "Where do you live?" "Oh I live in Wakwak - where Erap has his mansion." "Wow, you must be rich and have a big house." "Well actually, it's pretty big, if you happen to be a smurf."

Boni Edsa - I remember SM calling their building here the "light residences", which is just fucking apt. Any building tennant that lives near this place will be seeing a lot of lights, as it's right beside EDSA where the headlights of incoming cars, trucks and buses are sure to make your night illuminated, whether you like it or not.

Manila - Combining the ambiance of historically preserved facades (translation: parts of it still looks like it's still being bombed by the Japanese) and the air of regality that's always been accorded to the nation's capital (i.e. it's polluted as hell), you will get to enjoy a breathtaking view of the Manila bay as well as the surrounding parks that dot the district (occassionally the bay surges and floods those parks, and the front of your condo too) Manila is the best.

All Hail Our First Bachelor

Monday, October 11, 2010

In case you haven't heard, rumor has it our dear president just got dumped by his unbelievably hot girlfriend. Finally, we have a president who can stand up and be the representative for a vast majority who's had their hearts broken because they had to choose between careers and chicks.

Somebody should invite him to an SMC (Samahan ng Malamig ang Christmas)Party. The poor dude will fit in just fine. He can be the guest speaker and talk about the finer points of having the fanciest shagpad in town and tragically not being able to bring your girl inside.

Let's face it. Noynoy looks like shit, and he's not exactly the sharpest looking tool in the shed (pun not intended). To top it off, he doesn't really have a good track record in his job prior to becoming president - but when it comes to bedding chicks, he's still more than above average when it comes to the man scale (he's a 4, and he gets to bag chicks who are in the 7-9 range) When was the last time you hooked up with somebody five points higher than you? Without the aid of daterape drugs?

They should have put that in his campaign.

I can feel for Shalani though. It's hard enough to find a private place where you can make out when you're a nobody. It must be infinitely harder when you're dating a president and your boyfriend has a shining beacon on his forehead visible from the dark side of the moon.

So now Noynoy's going to be officially in the market again.

We can even make a reality TV show about it. Who want's to hook up with Noynoy?

I even have a title for it: The First Bachelor

Eat, Pray, Love : A Review from a man's POV

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Actually this won't be a review. I guess this will be more of a self-entitled rant, because everything you need to know about the movie can be pretty much summed up with a little anecdote:

I went to watch it with my mom and two sisters, not because I wanted to, but because it was my sister's request an it was her graduation day. Midway through the film, my mom and two sisters were sleeping. SLEEPING. On a film they all said they wanted so badly to see. I wish I was making this up. They were asleep. Meanwhile, I was awake, trying to imagine ways the film could be made more awesome (results: lots of untimely deaths, specifically for the main characters)

The movie felt like a manual election count - it's unbelievably long, unbelievably slow, and midway through, you just start forgetting what it's all is about. Realistically speaking, it's two and a half hours long. Frodo could've sent the ring from the Shire to Mt. Doom in that time. It doesn't sound like much, until you consider you're watching a DATE FLICK. (hint: They're not notable for their lengths. most of the time they're just long enough to make the guys escorting their dates through the film look like big jerks because Matthew McConaughey is so sweet to his girl) From how I felt at the time though, I figured if I put my money on time deposit before entering the theater, I'd have been a millionaire by the time I got out 100 years later, just in time for the credits.

I think the movie should be seen by everybody who keep on bitching everytime a book-to-movie port comes out. Here's the perfect example why movies aren't supposed to follow books canon. The results are asslong, meandering pieces that just saps the living consciousness out of you.

And was it worth it? It's an American movie filled with American problems and American solutions.

Problem: The leading lady (was it Sandra Bullock or that other chick who looks like her?) feels like her life is empty, despite the fact that she's got a good house, a stable marriage, and an ideal job.

Solution: Leave the house. Ditch the husband. Resign from her job. Take a trip to three countries Americans seem to find interesting because the culture is so different, stay there for a year, and then gain enlightenment because they can do what the "natives" do.

The result? It's the longest montage of a girl leaving a guy and finding another in the history of modern cinema.

I still can't believe I sat through the whole thing.

It's A Culture Thing

Friday, October 08, 2010

The inuit have 18 words for snow, because snow is literally around them, and it means a lot to their culture. By virtue of comparison, I hearby present my partial list and leave you to draw your own conclusions.

Tae. Echas. Ebak. Jebs. Ebs. Jerbak. Ipot. Tatche. Tubol. Lubot. Shet. Swerte. Etat. Bakangtae. Tibe.

Fourteen words, not counting dialect localizations.

It's a culture thing.

Coffee Shops and Laptops: A Graphic Report

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Playing latest games 5%
Playing flash-based games because the shitty netbook is too slow for anything else 20%
Watching streamed, low quality movies 25%
Looking at pictures of people who barely know your existence on facebook 25%
Actually writing original school reports 2%
Scouring the net for bits to plagiarize for the report 18%
Overgrown mp3 player 10%
Programming school assignments 5%
Programming Karabogan swarm-based stochastic distribution algorithms 0%

Things I love about my current job

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

1. I get to swim after office hours - something I was only able to do when I was deployed in HK, and only if it's swim season.

2. I have my own cubicle. 3 and a half walls of pure privacy goodness. That's half a wall and about two meters worth of fencing short of having your own office. Take that Japanese company culture!

3. Junk foods are vended. God knows Tortillos is only half as good until you drop it 3 feet.

4. I have an internet connection that I don't have to file requests for every four days. No need to line up in public internet kiosks either. (Because ewww, you don't know where those browsers have been)

5. No financial accounting of people's efforts. It's always a heavier subject to discuss when you're dealing with numbers preceded with the $ symbol.

6. Cheap parking!

7. There are no dwarves inside the office that only I can see and hear.

8. At least not the ones that like to streak around naked in the middle of the night.

9. I swear to god those used to happen, and it wasn't the effect of any controlled substances or aircon fluid leaks.

10. Or so my imaginary psychiatrist says.

Can We Bust Into Carlo Celdran's Tours?

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

I'd like to hold a placard saying BEN-ZAYB.

That idiot.

Airline Impromptu

Friday, October 01, 2010

CebuPacific didn't allow a donor kidney to ride the plane - not to worry, says the pilot. They sell those along with inflight snacks anyway.

My sister tells me CebuPacific aims for practicality as a theme, while PAL is going for class. Yeah class - which is why their stewardesses look like elementary teachers.

HK bound flights of PAL are crewed by old stewardesses, I almost feel guilty asking them to push around those carts while I'm just sitting down doing nothing.

Meanwhile, with the way CebuPac attendants are dressed, I'd let them carry groceries and a sack of rice, no problem.

CebuPacific will cut costs down as much as possible. I won't be surprised if I go to the restroom in the plane and meet somebody selling CR stubs for 10 bucks each.

If you want to go free, you gotta do it outside the plane.

Separation of Church and State

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The church should put money where its mouth is, is all I'm saying. So here's the deal. The church threatens the government everytime they try to impose some semblance of promotion of artificial birth control. It's not a new thing. I remember the then DOH secretary Flavier being nearly excommunicated for introducing the idea some 15 years ago. It's been like that ever since. Now it's perfectly normal for any sociopolitical group to lobby for and against something that our government enacts - that's what democracy is all about. But what does the church offer other than rejection and threats?

I can't speak in numbers, statistics, and cold hard substantiated facts. Public Static is about opinions and barely any research, if any. That's why most articles here are branded as humor, because if I were to say anything written here after three bottles, they'd not sound out-of-place. I can speak, however, for myself about the Church's stance on population control.

1. I've been hearing mass since I was a kid. I very rarely miss mass specially during the last 5 years. The only times the priest talks about safe sex is when they are lobbying the peoples to fight against the government. Other than that, nothing. We don't have any gospels that speak against condoms. Or wanton sex. Hell, I'd be lucky to hear sex mentioned twice a year. It's like the Church openly says it needs no help in solving a problem that it only tries to solve just to show others that it doesn't need help in doing so. Confusing? It should be.

2. I am educated in a catholic school. The only time we talked about sex in my ten year stay there, apart from biology class, is during the actual Sex Ed class that was added by a progressive new principal that came in a year before we turned seniors. That means every batch above us and probably those who went after us (if I'm right that it was abolished soon thereafter for reasons I was unable to learn of) did not have these same classes. If it's really necessary, teachers simply echo a "just say no" policy like the church. Everybody knows how easy that's to follow when you're sixteen and your body is 70% composed of testosterone. No teacher would dare talk about sex in any other way. It's like they're denying the idea that you, a student brought up from a Catholic environment, might be able to contemplate sex at such a young age. (HINT: Jesus was born when Mary was about 15 and Joseph about 16)

3. I was raised in a Catholic home. My parents are pretty liberal already by most standards, specially when it comes to these things. But let truth be known, I wasn't really able to talk about sex, or safe sex for that matter freely until I was in college. Thank god I was such a nerd the first eighteen years of my life and didn't have to have the trouble of having a woman and not knowing what to do to not end up being a young father. I doubt any normal family would openly converse about sex education and safe sex with children unless it's absolutely necessary - and that absolute necessary is when something has already happened - which is tad too late.

My bottomline is that nobody really wants to do the sex education and safe sex business, but nobody really wants the government to do something about it either. But the fact of the matter is, we will keep on having a ballooning population working to our disadvantage (hint: we are not China - we have no room and we can't feed all of us in the future) and until somebody starts ignoring the shooing being done by the Catholic community, or until changes start from within that group (hint: it wont happen anytime soon), we will be in a far worse situation than where we already are now.

Translation: Until parents, religion teachers, and the parish priests start openly talking about the merits of sex and its inherent problems, I refuse to leave such an issue to a bunch of people who sound disgusted everytime they hear about it, as though it's not caused in the creation of EVERY LIVING PERSON ON EARTH.

Unit then, bring on the condoms.

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