The Key To Ultimate Knowledge

So I was randomly checking blogs late last night when a thought just hit me the way a brick would a glass window sheltering our president's autobiography (expectedly shattering) - could it be that I have stumbled upon the true key to omnipotence? After much more recalling and more research all over the so called blogosphere, I have come to a singular conclusion:

Crossing the International Date Line Makes You Smart.

That's right boys and girls, expats of all ages. Apparently having crossed the international date line entitles you to vast quantities of thinking power required to gain understanding of how our society works! Ever notice how the most influential articles are almost always written by expatriates now living in the States? How they always have a say on what's going in our country, why things are happening the way they are, and why the grand United States of America is so much better?

That's right. From clueless douches before they left the Philippine Islands, they've achieved the status of omnipotence, mastering the art of being total douchebags the only way an enlightened pilgrim (read: deserter) can. So here's one of at least five blog descriptions I've checked that night and it pretty much sums up the attitude of these illuminati:

A Filipino living in the United States started blogging about the Philippine political scene. He names the government, the academe and organized religion as the causes of poverty in the Philippines.

Include there the family, the media, the culture and not having any money as a whole and he would have pinpointed all possible causes of poverty anywhere. I'll make a prediction right now. In a few more years, this guy will be discovering the wheel as the single most important tool of transportation to man - that or that his secret identity is Captain Common Sense with his General Information beam to defeat his enemies. He continues:

There was a time when he thought that micro-financing would provide the much-needed capital to uplift the lives of marginal Filipinos.

Money curing poverty. Absolutely genius.

Then, he realized that the inability of the masses to rise from the quagmire is anchored on more deep-rooted reasons.

Like not having any money perhaps?

As with many Filipinos who migrated to the U.S. as adolescents or adults, Mell retains many fond memories of the country he left behind.

I couldn't help myself from laughing hard after reading this. It reminded me of my childhood, back when I was young and stupid - except for this guy's case, only the latter applies.

And it's not just that blog. Or other blogs. I've been to the so called promised land - twice. Everytime I tried to raise the issue of the Philippine state of life with almost everybody living there, the "life's better here because you dont know how to run shit there" mentality is as prevalent as gay people in men's choirs. Whether it's boasting or just faint self-reassurance for their own wellbeing that drives them to keep on repeating that kind of idea, I'm not sure.

So here's my analogy where the expat is the med student. The medicine student looks at a sick patient, then the student looks at a healthy patient. The student says to the sick patient that he's sick because he's not like the healthy patient. Seeing a healthy patient firsthand gives him enough credibility to be able to diagnose the sick patient as a doctor. When asked what the problem is, he replies "Because he has sickness." when asked for a cure, he says "I'm only here to diagnose the sick patient since only the healthy patient is paying me."

Again I find myself asking why these people even bother talking about "our" way of life. So here's what I say to any expat who thinks any better:

You left us, took oath to another Flag and stepped on your own just to get that green card of yours. Your country is no longer our country and unless we invade your country, chances are, our concerns won't have anything to do with yours. Being able to experience an orderly society doesnt make you capable of fixing what's wrong with ours, and it's not like we're asking for your ideas anyway.

Even worse, the only news that ever gets to you are those that you see on your limited channels and whatever hits the internet (the reporting medium with the most number of errors) and your contemporary human experience is no longer connected to us.

Check your passport. You're a Joe now. At least you should be. Nevermind what other Joes think about you and your perspective towards your own. Or what sad piecemeal luxury life you're living now. Or how you get treated in your new country.

Look at things on the bright side. Your high-and-mighty-but-clueless attitude towards suresolving life's problems has already turned you into half the american you should be. Now if only you can work on that skin tone...

Until then:

p.s.: I did not put the source for the cited entry for the same reasons as before. Baka maghalo lang ang balat sa tinalupan.