Top 5 Dick Moves You Can Do In An Anime Convention
Dick Move (N.) - Any action which causes the doer to turn into a huge walking dick; To go against the social norm and cause unnecessary inconvenience to others; To perform a series of actions that ultimately lead the doer to become the object of hatred of those around him; Anything a natural dick would do.
That said, here are the 5 dick moves that can be seen in Anime Conventions.
#5 Misidentifying cosplayed characters, and sticking to it.
So you're an announcer for a con, and you're not really into the whole fad of going crazy over some weird looking cartoons from Japan called Ah-Neee-May. We understand that, but you're not standing on top of the stage just for kicks. If you were just a casual retard pulling people in for pictures, we can take it and let it slip. But you're getting paid to do what you're supposed to do. Because of this, it means you're a professional, and one good way to ensure that you're being professional and a dick at the same time is to not go over the list of the cosplay characters you're about to announce and just jumble shit up and mispronounce as many names as you can - because that's what absolute dicks would do.
If you manage to misplace characters at least twice in less than 10 names in a row, and read Naruto as Nahroooohtow, congratulations, you have successfully pulled a great dick move. I'm sure the people who labored hard for days on their cosplays to look like somebody, only to be called somebody completely unrelated will appreciate it - the same way they appreciate your corpse being dragged backstage.
#4 Walking to the anime dvd seller's booth and talking about piracy
You're looking at the amazing roster of titles in the DVD stand. You know these are pirated too, as with everybody who has a pulse and an internet connection. We're sure you're eager to tell everybody about how these are readily available in the internet for FREE. Nevermind that we already know that, and that we too may have the ability to do what you can do - push buttons and read english text. And I'm sure you're just as eager to explain the economics of never having to pay anything if you download or torrent instead, John Adams. We'd love to hear that too, except we're browsing at these titles specifically because we don't want to go through the hassle, and that your preaching will fall to deaf ears. I'm sure the merchants will appreciate it too if you talk about something else, but you don't. You'd love nothing more than to be the standard bearer of everything obvious and awkward. DICK MOVE.
#3 Copping a feel while having your picture taken with a girl
So here's the thing. You know as well as I do that there aren't many situations in this country that will allow you to, without paying for it, just walk up to a perfect stranger who happens to be scantily clad, ask your picture to be taken with her, and then walk away so you can furiously masturbate to the resulting image come night time. And as long as the masturbating part remains hidden from whoever that poor exploited person is, it's cool.
But of course, you're a purveyor of dick moves and wouldn't just let it rest as that. Moments before your picture is taken, your hands travel the distance, not just the normal distance - the Marco Polo distance, past the big desert called "social norm" and into her precious land of China, if you know what I mean.
Nevermind that she's a stranger, underaged, and waaaay out of your league. No, this is your opportunity and nobody will bar you from grabbing it with your bare hands. Way to go, Dick Move man. We'll try to visit you in jail after you get lucky and find a girl who knows an even better Dick Move - calling the cops and screaming rape.
#2 Standing in the middle of a busy thoroughfare.
You're a man of your own walk, and halls are made for walking around in. No problem right? Maybe. Maybe not. Convention halls aren't really normal halls. Like fresh air, there's very little moving space to go stand in, walk on, and shoot pictures in. Of course that doesn't apply to you, because the world is your walkway, and God bless everybody standing in your way. Or conversewise, those whose ways are going towards where you stand.
See, when walkways are barely two people wide, and you stand in the middle, you're the king of the fucking road. Dick Avenue, McAsshole Boulevard. People will love it when you become the center of attention, blockage, and directed murderous intent at the same time. I'm sure these people whose ways are being blocked by your enormous greatness will be glad you took some time off from their busy life, just to admire your greatness, and your great oversized backpack you don't even bother to remove from your back. That sexy backpack, you dick you.
#1 Attempting to hit on women who happen to be cosplaying
Being honest here, every man has his own fetish, and most of us probably have the term "young" and "dressed like strangely erotic drawings for the entertainment of kids". Okay, so maybe not many of us. Maybe very rarely, but not you, you sly you. All this dressing up and underaging has gotten you raging, and hormonally. Maybe they aren't, but fuck them, you know you are. You walk up to some random girl, try to feel them up with idle talk about how you're a fan of the same cartoon or how she looks so nice, maybe you'll even lie a bit and not admit you're telling her she looks nice, and even better in the nakedness of your imaginary sex scene. In your mind, if you deal your cards right, you're going to be doing take-home dinner tonight. Nevermind the thought that maybe these people don't exactly dress the way they do so they can get picked up the creepy nerds like you, that maybe they're just there for fun. In your mind, you're Hottie McHottie. Nevermind that maybe these girls even don't know the meaning of half of the words going through your head right now, because they don't teach that in gradeschool.
The moment comes, you spill the magic beans. The godmove of all dickmoves you can muster. Her eyes widen, yours too, along with that obscure bulge below your groin. And just when you think you've pulled it off, a big burly man comes running towards you with a big intimidating wooden stick filled with hurt - and you just know he's not holding it for cosplaying purposes. You start backing away, but it's too late. And on top of his catholic lungs he screams:
"What the hell are you doing to my son?!"
You've done it. The big kahuna of Dick Moves.
Congratulations man, you've just made it to the top 1 list of our Anime Convention Dick Moves.
Showing posts with label COSPLAY. Show all posts
Showing posts with label COSPLAY. Show all posts
Cosplay Convention Commandments
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Still on the topic of cosplays, I've laid out 10 basic rules that you may want to consider when attending these conventions we're having one too many of nowadays. Theyre called Anime conventions and are basically extended Halloween events done year-round and with a mostly adult population. If people were able to follow all these commandments, we'd have better experiences when watching and participating in the cosplay activities relating to anime conventions (also it means I have lots of readers who are gullible toads obedient and sensible).
1. Thou shalt shower before entering a convention.
Most basic of basics. You're entering a hall designed for 1000 people, packed with 2000 people. There is no reason why you should skip washing yourself and applying the proper "jutsu" to protect yourself from evil "chakra". By "jutsu" I mean deodorant and by "chakra" I mean putok/body odor. See, there's a difference between anime and real people. When real people start sweating, they don't look cool and become powerful like their anime counterparts, they just start smelling funky.
2. Thou shalt not endorse real-life yaoi.
Okay ladies (and the ladies-at-heart), this commandment's for you. I know you love man-to-man action while watching your favorite anime or reading your favorite manga. That's cool with me too, as long as you don't force me to read/watch those things too. But like a ninja wearing bright orange to sneak into places, or trying to do the sand coffin on yourself and walking away alive, there are some things that don't translate well in real life. Can you imagine walking in your house one day to find your brother being frenched by your own father? Yeah, horrible visuals right? So quit it.
3. Thou shalt not peddle magic tricks.
This commandment maybe tad bit specific, but I figured I might as well include it. To be honest, cons are those few events that make it real easy to socialize with people. The fact that you're inside a convention already means you're an anime fan, with anime fans. Use that fact, act like the normal, social animal nature has intended you to be. In other words, stop shoving magical ring tricks down other people's throats just to catch attention. Ring tricks are easy and nobody gives a shit anyway. Use your tongue. In an oral kind of way. In an oral-verbal kind of way.
4. Thou shalt not use Costumes as licenses to turn into assholes.
I remember my friend, Kris telling me before. Cosplaying lets you be famous for one day by borrowing the fame from a fictional character. She's right, but that doesn't really mean you can do what most famous people do with their fame - as a license to act like complete asstards. You don't run around the convention hall (or worse, outside) behaving like a complete circlejerk. Keep your one-line shouts to yourself. If somebody looks like they don't want your company, back off. Unlike the anime character you're portraying, we can't press stop or switch channels or just plain get rid of you without getting charged with manslaughter.
5. Thou shalt not wear Naruto forehead protectors
This is more for you than the people around you. If you're not going to cosplay, don't even bother wearing those things. Dubbed as "pussy deflectors", those things have the amazing power of warding off all potential interests people "might" have in whatever's interesting about you. Same goes for shitty anime-related accessories that are a dime a dozen sold even in flea markets in the provinces. If ever those things have any benefit for me, it'd that I'd know who not to associate with, and whose kids I should never let my future kids play with.
6. Thou shalt not try to engage underaged women into adult conversations (et al)
Cosplay has this way of bringing out all sorts of pedophiles (people who dream of having sex with underaged girls) and lolicons (pedophiles who don't want to be called pedophiles) out of the woodwork, because underaged girls are able to dress in clothing they're not supposed to dress in until they're much older, or are much more in need of money, whichever comes first. These girls just love the anime theyre imitating in an honest kind of way so we just can't say they shouldn't. So now we turn to the audience. To you. You should not patronize that sexy aspect. Not now. Not ever (or at least until they turn 18) Here's a thought. "Just because they dress up like skanky sluts doesn't mean they really are." They may look like it, talk like it, and act like it, but when shit hits the fan - they're still underaged and you're still going to jail for statutory rape.
7. Thou shalt thank people for pictures taken, for being either subject or photographer.
As with anything that entails costumes and/or controversies, photo ops are to be expected. If you think about it, there are not many instances outside anime conventions that you'd take a picture of a complete stranger without being called a freaky stalker. There aren't many instances outside cons either that you'd let a complete stranger take a picture of you in revealing clothing and be happy about it. So given that cosplay photo-ops are special situations, you best be polite about it. Before shooting pics, ask for permission. If you have a suggestion for a pose or another friend who wants to pose with the underboobs girl, ask politely, as in, "May my particularly horny friend pose beside you whislt holding your revealed C-cups? Pretty please?" Don't forget to thank her afterwards, or if in case she gets pissed off instead, have an escape plan.
8. Know what's being cosplayed before acting like you do, or if you don't, ask.
Cosplayers have this weird thing for being misidentified. Call a guy in an obscure anime cosplay any name from Naruto (repeatedly) and he'll go ballistic. To prevent awkward situations where he tries to jutsu you (i.e. kill) with fancy hand gestures that look like air masturbation (i.e. air guitar, except he's pretending to play with his penis instead), make sure you're correct in identifying the character, or if you're wrong, politely accept the fact that you're not yet truly deep into the anime-crazy coven and ask the cosplayer about the character he/she's cosplaying. I'm sure he/she'll get an erection/wetness just telling you about it. Remember, knowing is half the battle. The other half is uhh, not overdoing it and turning into an animetard (google the net for symptoms)
9. Thou shalt be courteous towards cosplayers
Don't play with their props only to break them. Don't kiss cosplayers without permission (especially if youre ugly). You can kiss but only if the cosplayer is me and you're really hot (with witnesses to prove your hotness) Don't touch boobs. Don't pinch asses. Don't grab manpackages. Think of cosplayers as regular people you come across the mall. Weird, eccentric, sweaty, regular people who love anime a bit too much. They may not look like it but they're still people that should be respected, people who can get you beaten up or jailed or both.
10. Thou shalt not steal
Cosplay events give us that chance to know what it's like to live in a real anime world, even if just for a few moments. But that feeling is just for imagining. If in case you get the urge to break the law the same way anime characters do and think you can get away with it, think again.
Remember kids, when you steal shit in real life, it's no longer just a plot point in the story - it's a friggin criminal offense!
1. Thou shalt shower before entering a convention.
Most basic of basics. You're entering a hall designed for 1000 people, packed with 2000 people. There is no reason why you should skip washing yourself and applying the proper "jutsu" to protect yourself from evil "chakra". By "jutsu" I mean deodorant and by "chakra" I mean putok/body odor. See, there's a difference between anime and real people. When real people start sweating, they don't look cool and become powerful like their anime counterparts, they just start smelling funky.
2. Thou shalt not endorse real-life yaoi.
Okay ladies (and the ladies-at-heart), this commandment's for you. I know you love man-to-man action while watching your favorite anime or reading your favorite manga. That's cool with me too, as long as you don't force me to read/watch those things too. But like a ninja wearing bright orange to sneak into places, or trying to do the sand coffin on yourself and walking away alive, there are some things that don't translate well in real life. Can you imagine walking in your house one day to find your brother being frenched by your own father? Yeah, horrible visuals right? So quit it.
3. Thou shalt not peddle magic tricks.
This commandment maybe tad bit specific, but I figured I might as well include it. To be honest, cons are those few events that make it real easy to socialize with people. The fact that you're inside a convention already means you're an anime fan, with anime fans. Use that fact, act like the normal, social animal nature has intended you to be. In other words, stop shoving magical ring tricks down other people's throats just to catch attention. Ring tricks are easy and nobody gives a shit anyway. Use your tongue. In an oral kind of way. In an oral-verbal kind of way.
4. Thou shalt not use Costumes as licenses to turn into assholes.
I remember my friend, Kris telling me before. Cosplaying lets you be famous for one day by borrowing the fame from a fictional character. She's right, but that doesn't really mean you can do what most famous people do with their fame - as a license to act like complete asstards. You don't run around the convention hall (or worse, outside) behaving like a complete circlejerk. Keep your one-line shouts to yourself. If somebody looks like they don't want your company, back off. Unlike the anime character you're portraying, we can't press stop or switch channels or just plain get rid of you without getting charged with manslaughter.
5. Thou shalt not wear Naruto forehead protectors
This is more for you than the people around you. If you're not going to cosplay, don't even bother wearing those things. Dubbed as "pussy deflectors", those things have the amazing power of warding off all potential interests people "might" have in whatever's interesting about you. Same goes for shitty anime-related accessories that are a dime a dozen sold even in flea markets in the provinces. If ever those things have any benefit for me, it'd that I'd know who not to associate with, and whose kids I should never let my future kids play with.
6. Thou shalt not try to engage underaged women into adult conversations (et al)
Cosplay has this way of bringing out all sorts of pedophiles (people who dream of having sex with underaged girls) and lolicons (pedophiles who don't want to be called pedophiles) out of the woodwork, because underaged girls are able to dress in clothing they're not supposed to dress in until they're much older, or are much more in need of money, whichever comes first. These girls just love the anime theyre imitating in an honest kind of way so we just can't say they shouldn't. So now we turn to the audience. To you. You should not patronize that sexy aspect. Not now. Not ever (or at least until they turn 18) Here's a thought. "Just because they dress up like skanky sluts doesn't mean they really are." They may look like it, talk like it, and act like it, but when shit hits the fan - they're still underaged and you're still going to jail for statutory rape.
7. Thou shalt thank people for pictures taken, for being either subject or photographer.
As with anything that entails costumes and/or controversies, photo ops are to be expected. If you think about it, there are not many instances outside anime conventions that you'd take a picture of a complete stranger without being called a freaky stalker. There aren't many instances outside cons either that you'd let a complete stranger take a picture of you in revealing clothing and be happy about it. So given that cosplay photo-ops are special situations, you best be polite about it. Before shooting pics, ask for permission. If you have a suggestion for a pose or another friend who wants to pose with the underboobs girl, ask politely, as in, "May my particularly horny friend pose beside you whislt holding your revealed C-cups? Pretty please?" Don't forget to thank her afterwards, or if in case she gets pissed off instead, have an escape plan.
8. Know what's being cosplayed before acting like you do, or if you don't, ask.
Cosplayers have this weird thing for being misidentified. Call a guy in an obscure anime cosplay any name from Naruto (repeatedly) and he'll go ballistic. To prevent awkward situations where he tries to jutsu you (i.e. kill) with fancy hand gestures that look like air masturbation (i.e. air guitar, except he's pretending to play with his penis instead), make sure you're correct in identifying the character, or if you're wrong, politely accept the fact that you're not yet truly deep into the anime-crazy coven and ask the cosplayer about the character he/she's cosplaying. I'm sure he/she'll get an erection/wetness just telling you about it. Remember, knowing is half the battle. The other half is uhh, not overdoing it and turning into an animetard (google the net for symptoms)
9. Thou shalt be courteous towards cosplayers
Don't play with their props only to break them. Don't kiss cosplayers without permission (especially if youre ugly). You can kiss but only if the cosplayer is me and you're really hot (with witnesses to prove your hotness) Don't touch boobs. Don't pinch asses. Don't grab manpackages. Think of cosplayers as regular people you come across the mall. Weird, eccentric, sweaty, regular people who love anime a bit too much. They may not look like it but they're still people that should be respected, people who can get you beaten up or jailed or both.
10. Thou shalt not steal
Cosplay events give us that chance to know what it's like to live in a real anime world, even if just for a few moments. But that feeling is just for imagining. If in case you get the urge to break the law the same way anime characters do and think you can get away with it, think again.
Remember kids, when you steal shit in real life, it's no longer just a plot point in the story - it's a friggin criminal offense!
5 Cosplay Stereotypes You'd Rather Not Meet
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I won't deny it. I enjoy attending those geeky anime conventions and I like watching cosplays. I've been doing so for almost five years now and I'm only half ashamed to say I've taken part in such events myself a couple of times. It's really all fun and games, once you realize you can do with out some things like face and dignity (and proper ventilation for most cases).
But like all gatherings of people, however, there are still some unlikeable bad sides to these conventions. Did I say sides? I meant people. Here are the five stereotypical people that I'd really rather not have mingling around the convention for multiple reasons.
#5 Axe Gang Cosplayers:
So there's the scene: A floor area designed for five hundred people gets filled with more than a thousand con-goers because the organizers want as much money back for their investment as possible. Halfway during the day, the airconditioning breaks down and after that, it's a free for all struggle for oxygen. The first casualties? You can always bet on the cosplayers wearing the heavy "armors". Yeah, those thick costumes quickly turn into mobile saunas once the air outside closes in on room temperature.
Rational cosplayers know this is the time to back down, to remove their gear and to just wait till they really need to show their costumes off. Other people brave on and fight against all odds, tired, sweating and unarmed - with deodorant. And you can smell their courage from across the convention hall. Over 9000, motherfucker.
I really don't get these types. Cosplaying will obviously render you sweating even in the most ideal conditions. We're not in Europe where body odor is a statement. We're in the goddamn tropics, in case you haven't seen a world map. You wear deodorant always, and more when you know you'll need it.
I remember one time I got my photo taken with a chick in a knight outfit. She put her arms on my shoulder to strike a pose. She was drop-dead gorgeous and I felt I could drop dead just inhaling the noxious vapors coming from her exposed armpits.
Good cosplays shouldn't get fucked up by lack of deodorant. Geez.
#4 Female-Male-Female Cosplayers
I acknowledge the fact that in the cosplay world, women can be more flexible because they can cosplay both as male and female characters. Men tend to cosplay characters of the opposite sex just for the laughs, and very rarely because they bat for the other team. Unfortunately, that also just makes things twice as complicated.
So there I was, walking around the con when I saw from behind this awesome Ragnarok Online character cosplay. I walked up to her and looked at her from the front. To my dismay it was this horrible looking guy. I could've heard my fantasies scream out in horror shortly before dying out. Nontheless, it was my mistake and composed myself. I told him how much I found the crossplay funny. He didn't look too amused. And then somebody called him by a girl name, because, apparently, she was really a girl and that I was right the first time around. I remember just walking away from that scene and promptly applying antiseptic to my eyes.
Well now, that can't really be all my fault right? Listen. If you look androgynous (i.e. somebody who has two sex organs) and don't want people confused, don't tempt people into making mistakes about your genders by, uh well, using something that could make them thin otherwise. Maybe put a mask on or something. Fuck if I know.
#3 Recycled Cosplayers
Next on our list are recycled cosplayers. No, we're not talking about people reusing their costumes here. Costumes can be expensive things so reusing them every now and then is not really a bad thing. I don't mind, say, seeing that hot Tifa cosplayer from the Animax WCG Championships last year again and again. I'm not talking about cosplayers using recycled materials too. That's actually creative and done properly, it can even make the cosplay even more appealing. Remember that Jenova cosplay where they used painted electrical conduits for Big J's wiring? That was cool.
What I'm talking about are unintentional Earth Day advocates who went a bit too far by wearing what looks like something that's up for recycling and call it cosplay. It's all good, actually, if you're cosplaying the Taong Grasa look, or Oscar the Grouch (provided youre hairy enough and you have green hair). When you see these people, you just get moved by pity and reach into your pocket for spare change.
These stereotypes also often rival Axe Gang members in terms of having a strong aura of "courage". And by "courage" I mean the scent of rotting Payatas-grade garbage. Like, if you really need to use cardboard for your cosplay, you don't have to use a box that had already been used as a garbage bin for dog shit. Really. I'm sure the trees won't mind if you use something more hygienic.
#2 Circles Can't Be Squares Cosplayers
Remember that Batman movie where the actor portraying Batman isn't actually bodybuilt like somebody who can actually snap a thug in two? And then he had to resort to wearing plastic armor with fake nipples to look the part? Well actually that's almost all Batman movies save for Christian Bale's.
Our next stereotypes are the people who are like the actors, minus the plastic armor. The result? A very emaciated Batman who looks like more in need of calories than crime fighting opportunities. Let's face it. Anime male characters are either skinny thin or ripped as hell. Take Archer for example. He's ripped as fuck. Cosplayers on the otherhand are either overweight or malnourished. Sadly, workout and proper diet seems to very rarely fall in with the costume preparations phase of cosplaying nowadays, so we end up with awkwardly placed cosplays of macho characters by very skinny people.
It's like seeing the food shortage take effect long before it really became an issue.
Actually workout and diet shouldn't be too necessary if you follow one cardinal rule: DON'T COSPLAY SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T HAVE YOUR BODYFRAME. Simple. Easy. Of course, you can always go bodybuild if you need some muscles, but that's something easier said than done (this coming from somebody whose hobby is to type long articles about bad cosplays in front of a pc)
[Okay this article is becoming too long. I'll stop now first and just post the #1 later. Feel free to convince me what #1 should be until then]
But like all gatherings of people, however, there are still some unlikeable bad sides to these conventions. Did I say sides? I meant people. Here are the five stereotypical people that I'd really rather not have mingling around the convention for multiple reasons.
#5 Axe Gang Cosplayers:
So there's the scene: A floor area designed for five hundred people gets filled with more than a thousand con-goers because the organizers want as much money back for their investment as possible. Halfway during the day, the airconditioning breaks down and after that, it's a free for all struggle for oxygen. The first casualties? You can always bet on the cosplayers wearing the heavy "armors". Yeah, those thick costumes quickly turn into mobile saunas once the air outside closes in on room temperature.Rational cosplayers know this is the time to back down, to remove their gear and to just wait till they really need to show their costumes off. Other people brave on and fight against all odds, tired, sweating and unarmed - with deodorant. And you can smell their courage from across the convention hall. Over 9000, motherfucker.
I really don't get these types. Cosplaying will obviously render you sweating even in the most ideal conditions. We're not in Europe where body odor is a statement. We're in the goddamn tropics, in case you haven't seen a world map. You wear deodorant always, and more when you know you'll need it.
I remember one time I got my photo taken with a chick in a knight outfit. She put her arms on my shoulder to strike a pose. She was drop-dead gorgeous and I felt I could drop dead just inhaling the noxious vapors coming from her exposed armpits.
Good cosplays shouldn't get fucked up by lack of deodorant. Geez.
#4 Female-Male-Female Cosplayers
I acknowledge the fact that in the cosplay world, women can be more flexible because they can cosplay both as male and female characters. Men tend to cosplay characters of the opposite sex just for the laughs, and very rarely because they bat for the other team. Unfortunately, that also just makes things twice as complicated.So there I was, walking around the con when I saw from behind this awesome Ragnarok Online character cosplay. I walked up to her and looked at her from the front. To my dismay it was this horrible looking guy. I could've heard my fantasies scream out in horror shortly before dying out. Nontheless, it was my mistake and composed myself. I told him how much I found the crossplay funny. He didn't look too amused. And then somebody called him by a girl name, because, apparently, she was really a girl and that I was right the first time around. I remember just walking away from that scene and promptly applying antiseptic to my eyes.
Well now, that can't really be all my fault right? Listen. If you look androgynous (i.e. somebody who has two sex organs) and don't want people confused, don't tempt people into making mistakes about your genders by, uh well, using something that could make them thin otherwise. Maybe put a mask on or something. Fuck if I know.
#3 Recycled Cosplayers
Next on our list are recycled cosplayers. No, we're not talking about people reusing their costumes here. Costumes can be expensive things so reusing them every now and then is not really a bad thing. I don't mind, say, seeing that hot Tifa cosplayer from the Animax WCG Championships last year again and again. I'm not talking about cosplayers using recycled materials too. That's actually creative and done properly, it can even make the cosplay even more appealing. Remember that Jenova cosplay where they used painted electrical conduits for Big J's wiring? That was cool.What I'm talking about are unintentional Earth Day advocates who went a bit too far by wearing what looks like something that's up for recycling and call it cosplay. It's all good, actually, if you're cosplaying the Taong Grasa look, or Oscar the Grouch (provided youre hairy enough and you have green hair). When you see these people, you just get moved by pity and reach into your pocket for spare change.
These stereotypes also often rival Axe Gang members in terms of having a strong aura of "courage". And by "courage" I mean the scent of rotting Payatas-grade garbage. Like, if you really need to use cardboard for your cosplay, you don't have to use a box that had already been used as a garbage bin for dog shit. Really. I'm sure the trees won't mind if you use something more hygienic.
#2 Circles Can't Be Squares Cosplayers
Remember that Batman movie where the actor portraying Batman isn't actually bodybuilt like somebody who can actually snap a thug in two? And then he had to resort to wearing plastic armor with fake nipples to look the part? Well actually that's almost all Batman movies save for Christian Bale's.Our next stereotypes are the people who are like the actors, minus the plastic armor. The result? A very emaciated Batman who looks like more in need of calories than crime fighting opportunities. Let's face it. Anime male characters are either skinny thin or ripped as hell. Take Archer for example. He's ripped as fuck. Cosplayers on the otherhand are either overweight or malnourished. Sadly, workout and proper diet seems to very rarely fall in with the costume preparations phase of cosplaying nowadays, so we end up with awkwardly placed cosplays of macho characters by very skinny people.
It's like seeing the food shortage take effect long before it really became an issue.
Actually workout and diet shouldn't be too necessary if you follow one cardinal rule: DON'T COSPLAY SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T HAVE YOUR BODYFRAME. Simple. Easy. Of course, you can always go bodybuild if you need some muscles, but that's something easier said than done (this coming from somebody whose hobby is to type long articles about bad cosplays in front of a pc)
[Okay this article is becoming too long. I'll stop now first and just post the #1 later. Feel free to convince me what #1 should be until then]
10 signs that you're into too much COSPLAY
Thursday, February 01, 2007
10. You see a good-looking girl and then you say "Hmm, I bet she'd look good as [insert character from anime here]"
9. You find yourself watching an anime series for the first time or playing a video game and start noticing things like "I wonder how they made that suit..."
8. You know 5 different types of fabrics - and you're straight.
7. Quiapo and Divisoria become less places for bargain purchases and more like places for hunting rare costume-making materials.
6. Your face lights up when you see wigs on display - even when they're not for sale.
5. Even your daily outfits are starting to look "deviant".
4. You have cans of paint inside your room, enough to redecorate a house, and they've never been used for any part of your home.
3. Along with that, there's an arsenal of used props (swords, staff, armor) placed ubiquitously all over your bunk.
2. Your photos keep on getting posted on 4chan - and they have a name for you similar to "Cosplay whore".
1. You walk out of your room wearing a wig, platform shoes, papercraft armor and enough man-makeup to pass you off as a drag queen. Your parents look at you and casually ask "Will you be coming home by dinner?" - but you can't reply because you're under so much costume they wont hear your voice anyway. So you shake your head instead. The neighbors on the other hand are praying the rosary extra hard - thinking your family is now in league with the devil.
9. You find yourself watching an anime series for the first time or playing a video game and start noticing things like "I wonder how they made that suit..."
8. You know 5 different types of fabrics - and you're straight.
7. Quiapo and Divisoria become less places for bargain purchases and more like places for hunting rare costume-making materials.
6. Your face lights up when you see wigs on display - even when they're not for sale.
5. Even your daily outfits are starting to look "deviant".
4. You have cans of paint inside your room, enough to redecorate a house, and they've never been used for any part of your home.
3. Along with that, there's an arsenal of used props (swords, staff, armor) placed ubiquitously all over your bunk.
2. Your photos keep on getting posted on 4chan - and they have a name for you similar to "Cosplay whore".
1. You walk out of your room wearing a wig, platform shoes, papercraft armor and enough man-makeup to pass you off as a drag queen. Your parents look at you and casually ask "Will you be coming home by dinner?" - but you can't reply because you're under so much costume they wont hear your voice anyway. So you shake your head instead. The neighbors on the other hand are praying the rosary extra hard - thinking your family is now in league with the devil.
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