Inquirer Hates Numbers

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Dear Inquirer,

Make up your goddamn mind. Bodycounts do not rise and fall every other hour.

Public Static

Spore Islands Cheats, Tips, and Tricks

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Spore Islands is a facebook game based on the popular PC game SPORE. In this game, you play the invisible hand of evolution/intelligent design (whichever you think made us what we are). The game is mostly about balancing your creature's stats enough so that it thrives in the Spore Islands area map and dominates the other species. You can go to other people's maps as well for more points, and they can go to yours too.

Here are some cheats, tips, and tricks for Spore Islands that I've been able to figure during my playing time. I hope this guide will guide you to a better playing position.

- You don't necessarily have to be the top of the food chain. If you can reproduce faster than your predators can eat you, you will still win in dominance.

- Using only one source of food is very risky, specially in crowded maps of Spore island.

- Fastest way to accumulate points is to appoint friends who can design "food" creatures for yours. To be fair, you can also design "food" creatures for them. Food creatures are badly designed creatures that can be eaten by your creatures as additional sources of food, all the while ensuring they do not compete with your creatures in terms of resources (make them eat rare herbs for example)

- If you're going for top predator, you can lower the sensitivity to danger to just one, because if anybody attacks you, you can always just annihilate them. Increase food/spark sensitivity instead.

- When building noncarnivores, go for either the extremity of defense or speed. Speed works well with fast multiplication and light weight. Kinda like real life.

- Lots of friends = more diversity = more points for all. So keep inviting people to your island.

- The more creatures you have roaming in your island, the faster points accumulates. If you're the top predator, expect to dominate the early part of the round, but as your food falls and your numbers go up, hunger will kill off most of your kind. If you're unlucky and get one creature stuck on a creatureless sector, you will be left with no creatures at all! After that, it's going to be a tough climb back up.

- Adding up above, consistency is key. To avoid overpopulation and crashing afterwards, carefully balance out your reproduction rate with the available food, which varies from location to location, and the local inhabitants of the place. In the event that you're not on top of the chain however, you should also take into account the chance your creature will get eaten. Again, getting eaten is not such a bad thing, as long as you can sustain losses. Don't worry about having your creature's ass handed back to him everytime it gets into a fight.We're playing survival here of a species, not just one creature. Insects are weak compared to humans, but they outnumber us by a million to one. Same logic applies. To sum up, do not overreproduce, do not underreproduce and you get the points.

- One interesting thing about this game is that what works for one island will not necessarily work on the next. Stats for every animal on your island is available in the main screen so you can copy interesting builds for your creatures.

- It's easy to give builds to people, but the fact is, all builds are equal and differ only by how well they interact with each other. The main objective of you as a player of this game is to figure out how to exploit the ecosystem. If you see a type of resource being underutilized, adopt your creature to it.

That's it for now, I'll add more tips and tricks later. Good luck with your spore island! Happy gaming!

The REAL Alternative for 2010

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Tired of having to pick over fruits being handed out to you by dubious looking strangers? Me too. To be quite frank, picking a presidentiable right now feels like picking the type of firearm you want to shoot yourself with.

We need somebody who can represent our feeling that we're already tired of the usual gang of posers. Somebody who can make the country follow them. Make the country listen. We need people who can educate our masses. We need people who can foster values.

My fellow citizens, I hereby propose the creation of a new party.

Bayang Ayaw sa Tiwaling Indibidwal, Balimbing, O Trapo


President - Kuya Bodjie - Sino pa ba nag pwedeng makapagpasunod sa bayan na ito kundi ang ating "kuya" na kinalakihan? Sya lang ang kayang magasabi ng "Mga Bata!" na hindi mo iisiping kontra bida sya.

Vice President - Ate Sienna - Si Sienna, natural na vice president kasi magaling syang sumuporta sa mga layunin ni Bodjie, at hindi sya balimbing.

Department of Defense - Pong Pagong - May mas titibay pa ba sa pagong? Amphibious, malaki, matibay, malaki ang mata.

Office of the Ombudsman - Kiko Matsing - Kung ungguyan din lang, si Ka Kiko na sasalo sa iyo. Walang makakapagtago sa baging ng batas.

DOST - Sitsiritsit - San ka pa? Alien to tol. From outerspace, hindi India. Hightech.

DOH - Alibangbang - Alam kong bawal ang nepotismo sa gobyerno, pero hindi naman talaga magkapatid sila ni Sitsiritsit. Preba? Hindi pareho ang apelyido nila. Dela Cruz si Sitsiritsit, Perez naman si Alibangbang. (sinabi nila sakin to dati, pero top secret daw kasi nga alien sila)

Press Secretary - Irma Daldal - Artista. Madaldal. Parang si Kris Aquino, pero walang STD.

DECS - Kapitan Basa - Galit sa illiteracy at mga malimaling libro. Lumilipad. Kaya ba ng DECS secretary natin na lumipad? Pakyu. Dito na tayo.

DPWH - Koko Kwik-Kwak - Tutal naman walang may gusto sa kanya, inilagay sya sa DPWH, para kung maging tiwali sya, pwede natin syang ipabaril. Walang malulungkot.




Meaning of Workplace Objects

Friday, November 13, 2009

Here's a list of common items you find on the workdesks of your officemates. I've taken the time to translate what they're trying to convey and what they really mean.

Anime Figurines

- I am a connoisseur of the oriental art of animation.

- I secretly masturbate to this figurine when nobody is around.

World's Best Dad Mug

- I have children who love me, hence the mug.

- My children are either largely unimaginative or gifted with the virtue of sarcasm

Lots of paperwork

- I'm a very busy person, back off.

- I hate mother nature, and digital information.


- I am the alpha employee in this office. Just take a look at it.

- But it doesn't make up for my small penis.

Pictures of Children

- My children are awesome.

- If you hate long long tales of my kid's firsts, avoid bringing that topic up.

Chinese ornaments

- I've very sensitive to the chi around me, which I feel compelled to protect with these artifacts.

- Sometimes, I see dead people.

Rubbing Alcohol

- I'm a very hygienic person.

- Sometimes, when we talk, I imagine bacteria coming out of your mouth hitting my face. Gross.

Top 10 Reasons the 2012 Apocalypse Will Not Happen

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

10. Duke Nukem Forever still needs to come out.

9. We're still waiting for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's offspring to grow up so we can see what happens when you win the biggest genetic powerball in history.

8. Twilight Saga's next twenty films ensure we have bigger things to worry about.

7. I still haven't seen any cellphone capable of toasting bread.

6. Nobody's decided yet which religion will bring people to heaven.

5. Hell's probably still too overcrowded, no thanks to internet and internet p0rn.

4. After six years, Ragnarok Online is still in beta, as God intended.

3. Erap might win this election, in which case apocalypse will happen sooner than later.

2. Kris Aquino can't run for presidency until the next election.

1. Chuck Norris does not wait for the apocalypse. The apocalypse waits for Chuck Norris.

Red Dates A Supermodel

Monday, November 09, 2009

I went out on a date with a supermodel one day. I was not even impressed. The whole night, I didn't even get to see her fly. The supermodel told me, "Are you fucking kidding me?" I told her no of course. I'm pretty sure supermodels can't be called super unless they can fly. They're just hiding it. Why else would they call the stage "RUNWAY"?

Sabrina’s “I Love Acoustic: Intimate Interpretations of Your Favorite Hits Download/Review

Friday, November 06, 2009

Author's note:
What I did here was tasteless, rude, and not really funny. In light of recent correspondences I've had with some readers, I've decided to take it down. Because I like diplomacy like that, yeah.


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