Still More Idiots On The Road

I'm not sure if anybody remembers but I've already posted an article about assholes on the road a few months before. (link here) Well it looks like we wont be running out of people who have occupational hazards (read: they make being a road hazard their lifelong occupation) so Ive decided to do a reprise.

With fact that the only time I drive my car nowadays is during Sundays, I still got to encounter two morons in a row in a single idiot-dodging session (translation: driving). They're that numerous. Nature must really like making their kind, in a kid-likes-to-make-shit-appear-in-his-underpants kind of way.

First Idiot: I-Are-Driver

So I was in queue for parking the north carpark bldg of MoA (SM Mall of Asia, for all you mountain dwellers) . There were two queues and I was part of the queue eating up the outer lane of the road. All of a sudden, a third queue appeared and started cutting line for the outer queuers - including me. I kept my pace and when my turn to get cut came, it just had to be the idiot driver who tries to cut me. I get in position where he couldnt cut and then stopped since there was a car from me.

And what does this retard-of-a-driver do? He steps on the fucking gas pedal like he cant see a newly-carwashed bright silver SUV glimmering in the afternoon sun. His mother must have dropped him once to many times to have missed what RED LIGHT means.

So I get off my car and wait for him to come out. I was already hauling ass at this point because he was the one who was cutting in line and he hit me from behind (by law, if you hit a rear bumper, you will always be to blame, partly or wholly). I had this case at the palm of my hands.

Then he gets out. Holy shit. All the seriousness in my face vanished when he started talking like Mr. Shooli of Mongolian Barbecue. He barely understood Tagalog and he spoke in cryptic sentence patterns (e.g. Ako tama iyo. Ako pagawa kaya. Di lito lito ha!) I actually blurted out "What the fuck is you smoking, Marley?" five minutes into the conversation (read: accusation throwing), unfortunately for me, he didnt understand english either.

Anyway as I understood it, he started accusing me that I was the one who hit him, in reverse, and brushing a long gash in his side. I can admit that a car does jerk backward after a brake but it's certainly not enough to do a 10 inch gash (maybe half an inch). After a while he gave up this accusation, specially after the cops came and cleared it up that it was HIS fault and there was no way in hell he could reverse the story (take that, crouching tiger)

I hated the inconvenience of having to lower my IQ while talking tot his guy so I offered the easy-way-out of paying me money for me to fix the damn thing. I offered 3k, since the part hit was fiberglass that couldn't be easily repainted. He refused and claimed he can have it repaired at 500. It was ridiculous. Even the police were finding the counter-offer amusing. After a while, I got bored with explaining logic to the guy who turned out to be a foreigner from China (as I saw in his Int'd driver's license). The police got bored eventually as well. So the police told us that they'll just take the case to the precinct by follwing their car.

In case you dont know, Going to the precinct = at least 7 days of paper work plus working hour appearances plus lots of fucking redtape plus no guarantee you will be getting your money's worth of compensation.

The moment the police car started moving, the chinese man started speaking straight filipino (translation: he started thinking, period) He agrees to pay the last asked price and then drives way, knowing a case like that can give him problems as an alien. (read this Superman: FUCK ALIENS.) I get my money and give the policemen 100 pesos for playing their part in pressuring the fuck to pay off. Unknown to the roadtard, my sister had talked the police into faking that they've filed a report already earlier.

In case you're wondering, I'm not planning on getting the scratch fixed. It's not too pronounced and an idiot just might hit it again in the future. We ate at Crazy Roll instead using part of the money, but at the expense of a few points of IQ had just lost in the run. The idiot who couldnt follow rules just had to be taught a lesson.

Idiot #2: The Human Sidemirror.

After eating at Tagaytay Steakhouse with my family, we went home thinking that we've already gotten more than the recommended daily moron dosage for that day. But no. We encounter yet another car, a honda civic, with idiot passengers instead.

At first I thought it was an illusion. I mean, nobody could be THAT stupid. But I'm once again proven wrong by mothery nature by presenting to me the HUMAN SIDEMIRROR.

He was protruding like a malignant wart on Lucy Torres's face. Everytime the car turned, he made hand gesture signals becoming of a "bus conductor" in a traffic jam. But since the signal light of the car was far from broken, his waving became a signal of his infinite retardation instead. And he actually thought it was cool to do so too since he started winking at girls who cared to notice. They're probably thinking what I'm thinking too: How much ~is that doggie in the windooooooow~? I do hope his owner puts him down soon. And seriously.

Why do people stick parts of their shit out of the window anyway? Elbows, arms, hands with smokes. Does it actually make them cool? I guess it's part of the twisted filipino view of what "cool cars" are, with the fat mufflers and puny 16-valve shits that they think are speed devils on the road. Your car aint that great, and you're still just a moron even when on wheels.

If that group of people who stick shit out of the windows is a clan, this guy, with is reversed cap and flailing arms is probably KING. Half of his body was out the window. One freak move by another car from the opposite lane would rip his torso in half and probably dent the opposite car and spray red paint on the road. I'm just concerned with the opposite car and the metroaids who have to clean him up.

Endagering yourself is one thing. Risking it at the expense of other people who don't want to be associated with you is another. If you think you're showing signs of stupidity, do us all a favor - DON'T SEE IF YOU REALLY ARE BY BECOMING A ROAD HAZARD.

You just sometimes have to wonder how these guys survive on a day to day baside. A coconut probably has more survivability.