I'll let her Shake my Speare, if you know what I mean

Friday, January 30, 2009


(7:13:16 PM) anonymous: haha. actually. i used to dream that my future boyfriend and I will be like people from shakespear
(7:13:24 PM) Jet-YM: gay?
(7:13:25 PM) Jet-YM: O_O
(7:13:33 PM) anonymous: and we'd exchange long poetic lines with -eth and -oust
(7:13:45 PM) anonymous: not totally gay, anyway.
(7:13:47 PM) Jet-YM: doth thou wearest thine protection
(7:14:06 PM) Jet-YM: i put thine armor on my phallic
(7:14:16 PM) Jet-YM: chivalry shant be dead this forthnight
(7:14:27 PM) anonymous: hahaha.
(7:14:38 PM) Jet-YM: lest i expend my discharge on thine visage
(7:14:46 PM) Jet-YM: and quoth thee "Bukakketh"
(7:14:54 PM) Jet-YM: BUKAKKETH THEE

If I lived 400 years earlier, I'd probably the Duke of Hustlershire and the regent of Victoriacourt.

60 Things That A Girl Doesnt Know About Guys

Thursday, January 29, 2009

subtitle: And 60 OTHER things that you may want to know as well

I got this list from Ragnaboards and thought the list lacks some finer details. I've decided to add some comments of my own for your reference. If you find this list incomplete, that means I'm still in the process of thinking up of things to add. This does not mean I am a lazy bastard. It simply means I have high regard for the quality of the work I post here.

1--"Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
Only because we can't do the usual "Sup f*cker?!" greet we give our guy friends.


2--Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
True, we think about them so hard, we start perspiring and breathing hard and...


3--Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.
So never take our word for anything said over the phone. We _really_ make things up.

4--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
Specially if the smile is for somebody else other than us.


5--Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
Like how many murders do I have to commit?

6--Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
So as we were saying, it's not the size that counts...

7--A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
Because every guy has this ill-keep-you-in-my-basement-if-i-can mentality and this is about as close as it gets without doing something criminal.


8--Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
If it can be done using legal documents, we'd appreciate it for future reference.

9--Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
The same way we dont talk about the GROs we hung out with last night at the bar. Keep to the code, man.


10--Guys get jealous easily.
See #7, posters and print ads for more details.


11--Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.
We only cry after we masturbate - in secret.


12--Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
My favorite assumption is that I did something no earthling should do to a martian. Also, you're an alien until we prove otherwise.


13--Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
Other times, it's really just a speech impediment, not love.


14--Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
At least until we find a means to earn money through secretly watching porn. After that, money will never be a problem again.


15--Girls are guys' weaknesses.
Coming close second is getting hit in the nuts really hard.


16--Guys are very open about themselves.
At least until you start asking us about our fetishes. What fetish? That whip is NOT mine.


17--It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.
STDs are just too common nowadays. Follow this rule.


18--Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
Or maybe it's not really about the help part. It could also be the cleavage.

19--If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
Last time I checked this is for women. I'm starting to suspect this list is actually made by women.


20--A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
Calling you a two-timing pukebitch crack wh*re, however, is an exception.


21--Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
But until somebody loses an eye, gets pregnant, or dies, it cant be serious now can it?

22--Guys will brag about anything.
This includes bragging about being able to brag about anything.

23--Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful.If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.
Or they're gay. Gay men like to use that word a lot too.

24--No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
AND asses and boobs.

25--Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
Also, porn. So when we go to the library and patiently wait for you to become randy all of a sudden, don't act surprised.

26--Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
Specially when there are candles involved. I fucking hate candles.

27--Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
I think it's safer for you to assume that's what we're thinking about, despite the rapist smile we have on our faces half of the time.

28--Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.
Or we think it's a good way to get a girl to fall for us. That's what WE think anyway.

29--Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
Because really, who would want to brag to other guys about something like that?

31--Try to be as straightforward as possible.
If we skip the dinner date, think of how much money we can save.

32--If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
And find something stupider to outdo himself with.

33--If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
Or he's under the influence of narcotics. Always open yourself to that possiblity.

34--When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
Knowing that you now know this little trivia, be prepared to see it being used by us to our full advantage.

35--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
Or you're annoying us and we might choke you to death if you don't. We don't want to go to jail.

36--Guys don't really have final decisions.
Yeah, because if we did that, rape would be legal already.

37--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
Or if possible, like maybe you should just listen to him EVERYTIME he talks because you know, it doesnt hurt to see the person you're talking to is actually listening.

38--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
It's also likely that your boyfriend knows how to break your bestfriend's spine in six different ways with only his left hand, and your best friend doesnt want to become a hunchback.

39--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
Instead of denying it, try proving it.

40--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
Most of us don't have ADHD, so it's just possible we're NORMAL.

41--Guys like femininity not feebleness.
And refute 3000 years of proven track record? Hell no!

42--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
Unless they're at the business end of her fists.

43--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
Sorry, all I read was "A guy, you , naked."

44--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
Nobody likes frigid bitches. It's not that we're giving up, it's that we're finding somebody else.

45--Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
Unless we're talking titties. We can never get enough of those.

46--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
We're more of a hands-on kind of people, if you know what we mean.

47--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
Exemptions when we do get the right kind of exclusive perks. *wink wink*

48--If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.
Or if your just in it for the sex, we'll accept that answer too. Or maybe prefer it. I dunno.

49--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
We're masochists, we admit it.

50--A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
Okay, it's final. This list is NOT written by a real man. I'd rather have my nuts as a set, thank you.

51--No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
Thankfully, we have beer. No admitting anything needed.

52--Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn't mean he represents ALL of us.
Just a case of 90% of us ruining it for the effeminate 10%.

53--We don't like girls who are too skinny.
(actually, in practice, we'd hit just about anything with a pulse and a workable vagina if you let us)

54--We love it when girls talk about there boobs.[sic]
And hate it when they talk about OUR manboobs.

55--Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not ....
Sort this thing out days BEFORE and not during. Those commitment talks are the medical opposite of viagra.

56--Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unnoticeable tell them about yours...
But dont overdo it. We dont give a shit about how Lancolm makeup is better than MAC or some shit like that.

57--When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
Or we really just want to hit your butt, like how we deal when we hate things.

58--Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..
Aim lower. Maybe 7 inches lower.

59--Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...
Girls who think rubbing necks are the best they can do are, I repeat, aiming too high.

60--Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.
In any case, if you really feel like it, keep the pepper spray ready. You'll never know if you're dealing with them criminal types.

61--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
In some cases, you just owe him large amounts of money and he's already planning to get it back by all means necessary.

When You Hear It...

Wednesday, January 28, 2009





Here Tonight - hale


You'll shit so many bricks not even Super Mario can get to where you are.

Fuck yeah. Best vocalist ever.

Filipino Popes

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

If we were to have a Filipino Pope we'd probably see the following things:

- A Pope-Mobile that has a "Katas ng Vatican" sticker behind, AND you'd have the names of Jesus Mary and Joseph and "Holy Family" written on the ceiling of the vehicle.

- During the first year of his stay in Vatican, all the pope's relatives will become immigrants there.

- We'd switch daily bread being served during his masses with Pan de Sal.

- Wine flavors will become diversified with the introduction of new flavors: Pomelo, GSM Blue, and Lambanog Bubble Gum.

- I for one would like to see a Pope wearing spartan slippers.

- The smoke that will come out of the election chamber will probably be from "siga" instead, because damn, do we love to burn our garbage or what?

- Prior to election, the Pope will be doing TV election ads, will have his face plastered all over the Vatican in bright posters, and every person he's ever blessed would have a "Salvation Brought to You By Cardinal Mercado - Kay Mercado, Langit Sigurado!"

- Every USTard of PeX's The Academe will start saying "Now, we're really the royal pontifical universal... etc"

- Gay Impersonators, nuff sed.

Chinese New Year

Monday, January 26, 2009

Yesterday, my mom brought home a couple of items for the Chinese new year. Fruits, rice, round bread - among the expected things, and a couple more unexpected things, like spring onion and ginger root.

Spring onion and Ginger Root.

Now I don't really mind celebrating the Chinese New Year even though I'm not Chinese and it's not the New Year, and I somewhat like the idea of being able to whore out on grapes and cherries for the sake of tradition, but what the hell were people thinking when they started recommending spring onion and ginger root?

I can't think of any other celebration in the world that warrants a celebration involving spring onions, unless of course there's a village that was saved from utter destruction by using spring onion. (probably not)

I'm guessing it's all a ruse. The Fung Shui masters that appear on TV are also the owners of very large groceries that aren't doing too well. Of course, one way to make poorly selling items to sell better is to tell the more gullible toads that those items have magical powers.

While normally if a vegetable vendor tells a guy that his potatoes in a can grant any wish, nobody would buy it for a second. Things change when it's the Chinese new year, and the vegetable vendor calls himself "Master Ping Pong".

Geez.

If one day you find yourself buying buy-1-take-1 near-expiration tocino because some "expert" on TV told you it's lucky, don't act suprised.

I frigging told you so.

In Other News

Sunday, January 25, 2009

You guys know who you are, and I know one of you will read this sooner or later. I'm not sure what's up but that shit that happened yesterday was pretty rancid. If there's a good explanation for it, I'm all ears. If there's none, you guys go on and have a nice life. I'm out.

Spaghetti, Marriage

So I was conversing with Anna earlier about the finer points of gastronomical engineering (i.e. cooking) of a certain Italian dish that goes by the name of Spaghetti. I did not make a recording of the conversation, but I'll invoke my own right to testify as to how the conversation went.

Jet: So you cook spaghetti right?
Anna: Yeah.
Jet: Do you put oil in the water when you cook noodles?
Anna: Of course.
Jet: And salt?
Anna: Yes.
Jet: Do you like spaghetti?
Anna: It's the one food that I can eat again and again.
Jet: Good. That's one thing we'll always have in common.
Anna: Why do I feel like I'm being investigated?
Jet: Just gathering information. Do you put garlic in your spaghetti?
Anna: Of course. How the hell do you saute pork or beef without that?
Jet: Hmmm. Repeat after me.
Anna: Uhh okay.
Jet: Beef all the way.
Anna: Beef all the... wait, what?
Jet: Beef should always be used, as God intended.
Anna: I'm not sure what you're getting to.
Jet: Do you put in hotdogs?
Anna: My mom does, but I don't really like to put them there. It changes the flavor.
Jet: Your mom knows best. Let's keep it that way. Do you like your spaghetti sour?
Anna: Yes.
Jet: Perfect. Red bell pepper or green bell pepper?
Anna: Honestly, both.
Jet: That's okay, nobody's perfect. I just want our recipes to be as similar as possible. So far, so good.
Anna: And why is that?
Jet: Spaghetti is like sex. No relationship can succeed without it, and it has to be something that can satisfy all parties involved.
Anna: By any chance, were you raped by the flying spaghetti monster as a kid?*

(may or may not have been part of the actual conversation)

I'm not sure I already mentioned it here before, I love spaghetti. I really do. Any woman who would want to gain my complete respect would have to have two things: knowledge in cheesecake making and knowledge in spaghetti making.



The REAL Secret

Friday, January 23, 2009

Remember the craze over the stupid Purpose-Driven Life book that changed approximately one life (the author who I imagine swims over the money he got from the gullible toads who bought his book) and gave many others the impression that they might be able to improve their lives but couldn't anyway? Me neither. I have this way of forgetting stupid things real quick.

Anyway, I only recently learned of another bullshit self-improvement cum cultish belief set called The Secret. The jist of it is if you wish to the universe for something, and want it bad enough, you WILL get whatever it is that you ask for.

That's about as lazy as it gets.

It's kinda the same way we pray God for things, but this takes laziness to another level by even omitting the part of "Dear God" and just replace it with a big fat "whoever".

So basically, according to the theory of The Secret, or the so called Law of Attraction, the universe is your fucking Santa Claus, and you don't even have to write a goddamn letter, and it doesn't have to be Christmas. Jolly good!

Not.

You know what the real secret is? Wish for something hard enough and you'll end up soiling your pants from all that concentration. You know what the universe really does? It gives you things that you don't really want. And occassionally, what you want.

It DOESNT CARE.

The sooner you accept this, the sooner you get a move on and just go get whatever the hell it is that you really want. You don't get bigger breasts by asking the universe for it. You go to Dr. Bello. You don't change genders by wishing the universe turn you into a girl. You watch Twilight over and over until your estrogen levels take over.

The Real Secret is not treating the universe like an indulgent parent you can badger into submission by repeatedly saying "Please". The Real Secret is treating the universe like your alcoholic uncle who occassionally babysits for you and your sister, to whom you can always say "Fuck you and your whiskey. I want to play outside so I'm going to play outside. If you go against it, I'll tell your wife you're having an affair with the laundry woman."

And that's the REAL Secret.

(the best part? You're getting all this shit for free)

Mall of Asia's Walk-On-Water Balls Attraction

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person in this world who, as a kid learning about Jesus' powers for the first time, started saying to myself "wouldn't it be awesome to have that kind of power?" One of those awesome things I thought was walking on water, which is now made available to us normal people through advances in modern science, and an unhealthy desire to walk over flooding.

I present to you the Walk-On-Water Inflatable Ball, invented by the Chinese, presumably because floods over at their country make floods in our country look like plumbing leaks.


pictured: human GASHAPON

My sister and I were able to witness the attraction first hand at the Bay area of the SM Mall of Asia, and the picture above pretty much sums up what it looks like. A small pool with lots of kids inside transparent plastic balls, crawling and rolling on water.

The concept itself is novel. Who DOESNT want to impress people by being able to walk on water instead of paddling through, or drowning, as nature intended? Upon seeing this for the first time I was at once able to picture our army using this for my planned invasion of Sabah. (see other sections of this blog for more details on that) . And the kids! They were having so much fun inside those balls. I was almost reminded of that fat hamster from the animated movie Bolt.

Wow. Just wow. A device that can entertain kids AND invade countries. Is there anything that can be wrong about this new invention?

Yes, actually.

One thing that the advertising website does not mention to you, I mean apart from being so goddamn obvious already, is that since it's an inflatable ball that won't let air out, it also won't let air in. Meaning, the time limit for kids playing in that ball is roughly equivalent to the time it takes the kids to turn purple and lose consciousness from Hypoxia or oxygen deprivation. Hypoxia can cause many effects, ranging from not being able to light a cigarette, to permanent brain damage, to permanent paralysis induced by death.

Remember that shit that your parents told you so you wouldn't place a plastic bag over your head and pretend you're a diver/astronaut/astrodiver? Yeah, I guess the inventors kinda overlooked that part. Either that or that they didn't have parents.


one of these kids might have brain damage someday
and hit your head with a brick


Added to that, granted that the operators know the time it takes for a kid to consume the oxygen inside the ball (which varies from person to person, and what he does inside the ball) , that doesn't change the fact that there will be at least fifty different people using that plastic ball on one day alone. And the lowered oxygen atmosphere inside the ball creates moisture around the ball which traps and creates a warm, moist resort-grade environment for bacteria and other unsavory things that come from other people (like cooties). Imagine taking the sneezes of a hundred or so people head on. That's what you'll be doing if you spend five minutes on this baby.

I won't be telling you guys to avoid this attraction. I mean, come on. For the particularly hedonistic lot of us, this is about as close as we can ever get to being able to follow the "What would Jesus do?" way of life. (specially if our preferred answer is "walk on water")

But of course, as the trite overused Spiderman quote goes, "With great power comes great responsibility"

And for this case, it'd be the responsibility to not die from a shameful inflatable plastic ball accident.

Net Square Elevator Fell (Net 2)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

This just in, an elevator fell 14 floors down at Net Square (Net 2), Fort Bonifacio Taguig City. Thankfully nobody was inside when it happened.

(kinda like this, but without the funny looking chinese dude)

Elevators are generally safe modes of transportation. I'd like to bet you're safer inside an elevator than inside most hookers here in Manila. The safety features of an elevator usually exist to make sure there's no frigging way an elevator can fall continuously and actually kill somebody.

And yet for some reason, today, it did. How does something like that happen? And in a particularly well-to-do building too. As my friend says, I smell a lawsuit coming.

Update:
Looks like a more reliable information set has arrived courtesy of weremanok, from an email sent to the tenants of Net2. (see comment) I guess that settles that.

Blessed Are the Programmers

Monday, January 19, 2009

Blessed are the programmers, for they shall C the Kingdom.com

Blessed are the subclass, for they shall inherit.

Blessed are the input, for they shall be filled.

I am definitely bored as fuck. I need new friends.

US Airways Plane Crash in Hudson River

Friday, January 16, 2009


One thing I never really got until today is why the airlines bother to explain to me what we'd have to do in case of a water landing. They even have illustrations on their safety reminds of how an airplane is in the water and rafts are being deployed ever so peacefully, as though the passengers are going on a special excursion that requires them to remove shoes.

I wonder, because most of the time, the second an airplane lands the tip of the water, the airplane, including you inside, would've exploded into a thousand separate pieces including the vest that you've "secured in place with the locking tabs". Good luck blowing your emergency whistle when your lung is fifty meters away from your diapraghm.

As a matter of fact, the odds of a safe water landing is so small, flight attendants don't even drill for it - the same way we programmers don't do drills for in case a bunch of hot Playboy magazine playmates suddenly enter our office and ask for help in installing Ubuntu.

Today, a US Airways airline crashed at Hudson River, in one of those rare occasions that the low odds actually pay off. An airline,
Flight 1549, crashed in New York's Hudson River near manhattan, and gently enough so that the plane doesn't come apart like a model kit hitting your pool at a 100km per hour. All 155 passengers are alive too.

So I guess we have to start rehearsing for when those playmate models come barging in now.

Valley Golf Mauling: What We Have Learned

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Okay, this post may be tad bit late. It was meant to be late, because there are somethings that can only be said in retrospect. I'd like to take time off to write my opinion on the issue, and on a problem that's related, but completely on a different level.

I remember one month ago, an issue spread the internet like wildfire - a politically active father and son were accused of beating an old man and a child. Bloggers were going wild about it, crying injustice and action. The spread of reactions on the matter was unprecedented, almost like how people rallied the night before EDSA DOS.

I remember looking for the exact source and reading it word per word. It was a plurk/blog entry by a certain Bambee De La Paz, eloquently written, pleading, and to some extent horrifying. The entry was so emotionally stirring, it's not surprising to feel anger toward the Pangadamans. Or maybe it wasn't because it was well written. Maybe it's because an old man and a "child" were involved. Maybe it's because political figureheads were involved. God knows how we love to hate those. It was the perfect firestarter for the forest called the blogging community.

It didn't take long for the incident to reach mainstream news. Bloggers were screaming huzzas. More and more people were taking to the net to get the now spread out account of Bambee. At this point, the Pangadamans were one label short of being classified as satanspawn by half of the civilized population of this country.

And then the investigations began.

The truth is a funny thing, because although it exists, nobody can ever completely capture it in any medium without missing details or mistakes. The same can be said of written accounts. We have emotions when we write, and thus we develop biases.

After various fact-finding groups got into the scene and started taking witness accounts, Bambee's tale started contrasting with what the witnesses were saying. The old man wasn't the old peaceful guy we see in the Alaska commercial. He was found out to have been pulling rank during the argument, going so far as using an umbrella to physically intimidate the other group - something which he later admitted to. The young kid who was pleading for his life didn't look too young after he turned out to be a baseball bat- weilding 14yo which is, personally, something I'd expect more when you see your grandfather clobbered.

How could Bambee have missed all these details? I won't call her a liar. The mind has it's way of filtering out information that doesn't work towards the goal that it seeks. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she was just being protective of her family, and forgot about details that may have put a bit of rationality on the other side's account.

More witnesses came in and the real story became more and more consistent. Bambee's version suddenly looked biased from an objective point of view. "The witnesses were paid!", screamed by rest of the country. Was it really?

Blogging is at its best a personal publishing medium. It has the authoritativeness only equal to the one who wrote the article. There are no editors, no third party confirmations, no threats if libel and slander for blogs. It's in essence a hightech version of "pass the message".

If you look at it in a different light, would you believe an article written by Mike Arroyo explaining why GMA is the victim in the recent political scandals? We'd say it's propaganda, because they're on the same camp. Of course, anything that the opposition will say will contrast with what Mike would've said, but that doesn't mean they're liars. Likewise, Bambee will never say anything against her grandpapa and her brother.

But that never really stopped the big bad blogging machine from attacking the Pangandamans like locusts on a ripe ricefield. Most of us let emotions get ahead of rational thinking, and with the numbers involved, it's hard to turn away from a cause and start looking at the big picture. It's basic instinct for swarm mentality to kick in when associating with a group, thereby blocking other thought processes, as programmed in our genes.

That doesn't mean we should act like sheep and advocate any cause blindly. In the end we learned that Bambee's side had been victims, but not completely innocent ones, as the community has been advocating them as. They provoked a fight and the Pagandaman's fought back. They were both wrong at the start and towards the end. Picking a side in any fight like that is stupid, the same way parents should never take sides of two kids that are fighting, simply because fighting in itself is wrong.

Let's not take this incident as a victory of blogging over injustice, because in the course of the events, there were other injustices made. The right of people to speak out and explain their side was unduly shut out of the process. It is right to consider blogging as a new power that can be utilized by the masses, but like any form of power, it also has a chance of misuse. Misuse, however, is something we ourselves can fix.

If ever there's something to be learnt here, it should be that we should be critical of anything that we read online. We should learn to be objective. To discern. Fourteen year olds don't go down on their knees and plead. Not all Old men belong to the type that just sit down on a rocking chair and talk pleasantries while smoking a pipe. Mayors may be assholes, but they're not 24/7 liars and should not be treated as such until proven so.

The internet and blogging are perfect tools to give voices to people. Let's not make it exist at the cost of vanishing individual, independent thinking.

I'll end this article with a quote from my favorite author, Michael Crichton:

“In the information society, nobody thinks. We expect to banish paper, but we actually banish thought.”

Let's prove Mike wrong.

My Work

Monday, January 12, 2009

A few years ago, I worked in this IT development firm where the tradition was to name computers after animals like drake, penguin, lion, tiger, duck, and walrus. One time I went out with a girl, and during the date, I had to answer a call from the office. I remember saying something like "If Tiger becomes full, you can bring up lion. After that, you can use the penguin to make sure the lion is active." My date of course, was listening intently. After the call, the first thing that she ever said was "What's your line of work?" I decided to play around for a bit and told her "The circus."

That's the joke. Joke.

Pikachu - Nightmare Mode

Sunday, January 11, 2009

In the midst of the neverending quest for power in the Pokemon world, something important was lost. Mutations were mixed in with the evolution process and from it spawned products that many trainers refused to acknowledge.

Meet the final evolution of Pikachu - halfpikachu, half coin-op ride, all nightmare. Eats coins, shits lightning.

Start running, Team Rocket.

Start running.

I'm expecting guests tonight

Friday, January 09, 2009

If you guys are new here, feel free to look around. I do not eat babies.

Types of Anime and Video Game Conventions

Thursday, January 08, 2009

There are few countries in this world that have as many anime and videogame related conventions nowadays (even Japan doesn't have this much, not that they'd need any more). In the US, most conventions are distinguished by the locations where they are held (AnimeBoston etc), or for which particular theme the con is for. Here in the Philippines, however, we don't really have regional diversity, as most cons are held within Metro Manila but we still have a lot of conventions. I've decided to enumerate the classifications of these conventions so far:

OrgCons - Conventions organized by school organizations, and other non-corporate organizations. These sort of conventions are generally hit-or-miss conventions as some organizations tend to lack the funding or sponsor-backing to actually hold a convention, but do so anyway, resulting in an event that less looks like a convention and more like a gathering of particularly colorful homeless people. Other cons that do manage to hold up their balance sheets are actually one of the better cons that you can attend, as you'll be with more non-casual (i.e. obsessed) anime fans and less out-of-curiosity con goers whose interest in anime is about as much as my interest in Twilight (read: little to none). The lack of a dominant corporate sponsor also means you won't have to put up with too much incessant bullshit plugging that nobody pays attention to anyway. (Samples: TomasinOtaku, AME Cons, Cosplaymania)

SponsorCons - At the far end of the sellout spectrum, we have the sponsored conventions that aren't really gatherings of people who love anime and videogames but are more of huge advertisement events for the main sponsor (more like cocksuck, but you didn't hear it from me) Crowd turnout is almost always overwhelming, bringing out situations that Anna refers to as "Tuna Can" scenarios, presumably because tunas don't really like being squeezed in a can and also presumably because Anna doesn't like to use sardines as an example. Mixed in with the crowds are the hardcore sponsor's fans, the casual congoers who got reeled in by the advertisments, and more infrequently, the dedicated fans of anime. Good cons to start from, if you've never been to a con, but a bad con to go to if you have HAAAAAAAARDCOOOOOORE anime fans for friends who will consider you "impure" after you've gone to such a con. (solution: get new, normal friends) (Samples: Hataw Hanep Hero Con, Level Up! Live, Otakuzine Con)

Themed Cons - Themed cons are like org cons, but are generally fixated for just one particular anime/videogame theme. Crowds tend to be either a bit snobbish, elitist or simply rabid (see FinalFantasy Nerds;foaming mouth of) To be honest, I'm not really a fan of these things, at least until organizers find enough clues that some people are still waiting for hentai nurse tentacle rape-themed conventions. If you're organizer and you're reading this, take it from me. This shit is the next BIG thing. (Samples: Final Fantasy Con, Yaoi Con)

DivisoriaCons - Some cons are meant to be places where people with a common interest can meet up and share what they have with each other. Divisoriacons, on the other hand, are simply very thinly veiled shopping bazaars. It's not hard to realize that the stage was just put in there to draw you in and find reason to make you stay long enough to BUY something. Crowds range from the hardcore 40ish toy collectors, to the younger guys who didn't really realize what they're getting into until they're already inside and have paid for a ticket already, and are too cheap to go home immediately. These cons are excellent places to find those rare toys that you may be looking for, but not rare enough to actually waste money for shipping on eBay. (Samples: ToyCon, Chirstmas ToyCon, Any con initiated by Toy's R Fucking Us)

Con-yare related Cons- One funny thing about cosplays is that, as long as there are some in a convention, crowds WILL enter the convention. Organizers of other cons were quick to find out and capitalize on this, so now we have about a hundred conventions that are remotely related to anime and video games but are willing to associate, for the want of a larger crowd base. Sometimes it doesn't even matter anymore if the theme of the convention is related. We can have a farm convention and they'd still want "Farm Anime" cosplayers or some shit like that. I wish I were kidding. Remember the business processing job fair? Good if you don't. The existence of cons like this is the reason why people think cosplayers are retarded. They're being used as publicity material for chump change and they're still biting. Unless you're going for the actual theme of the con (i.e. Farm animals), avoid this type like the plague. (Samples: BPO Fair '08, BookFair '08)

ShovelCons - A derogatory catch-all phrase for boilerplate cons that are obviously neither geared to satisfy fans nor promote anything. Often poor copies of more established conventions, ShovelCons are often poorly organized, and with no distinguishing mark whatsoever, other than being hell-bent on milking money out of the mindless drove of people who'll pay money to get inside a con with cosplayers and occassional sounds of japanese pop music. These cons are often attended only by two types of people: Fans who just can't wait to attend bigger cons and need some outlet, and people who're clueless about the whole i-want-to-milk-silly-fans scheme. These cons are long since considered one of the biggest cancers killing the community and should be avoided at all costs, unless entering one is the only way to escape serial killers who've just broken out of prison. (while they may follow you inside, im sure they'd find plenty other targets to kill)
(Samples: most cons that are held in the middle of a frigging mall)

PerfectCons - A perfect con is where sponsors don't whore out, the venue manages the crowd well, the event programs are organized, the food isn't overprized, and the wares cannot be found in the anime merchandise shop just a few meters away from the con area. Also, the cosplayers do not have body odor. This con does not exist, but you are encourage to keep praying at night for us to get a con like this someday. Still, that's just wishful thinking. (Samples: The Future RedKinoCon)

Hana Kimi

Monday, January 05, 2009

I was watching Hana Kimi earlier and I realized that it was a lot like highschool for me. There were love triangles in my school too, only that there was no girl pretending to be a guy, and we were all guys.

That's just real life for you, my friend. If you think you're starting to like a guy who looks like a girl because he might be really a girl, don't get your hopes up.

You're just going gay.

Baler Movie Review , Summary, and Script

Friday, January 02, 2009

First things first. Don't get me wrong. Baler was a nice movie. However, it's far from perfect, and I feel it deep in my gut that some of the awards that it garnered a few days ago were given out of sheer lack of competition this year.

I've decided to write a quick rewrite of the script making it more concise and tad bit more honest, thereby doubling as a comprehensive review and summary for this movie. This is a fan rewrite done for fun. DON'T HAMMER ME THINKING I COMPLETELY HATE THIS MOVIE. That is a fallacy.

Jao Mapa did an awesome performance in his 2 minute appearance, the story in its essence was wonderful, and the scoring was fucking brilliant. Also I like war movies so I watched this movie with very high expectations. The two lead roles kinda blew, but the supporting characters (JAO MAPA and Philip Salvador) included came in really strong. Again, I found the movie nice, but far from perfect (so I'll proceed making fun of it anyway the way I do for every other movie I watch)

(cont.d)



Sadly I can't place a screenplay format here so I'll just post a link to an HTML.

http://redkinoko.bravehost.com/baler.html


(it's not yet complete but I'll continue it when I get the time again)

Spoilers ahead, beware.

 

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