Fish Doesnt Make You Go To Heaven

It's lenten season again, and as full-blooded, practicing, traditional Roman Catholics, Filipinos have this practice called abstinence. For you non-Filipino, non-Catholics out there, abstinence is what you call not eating "karneng katihan", or more simply put, meat of the land.

In other parts of the world, this practice is also evident in the South Americas as "Carnival", coming from the italian term "Carne Lavares" which means to remove/lavage meat.

Abstinence is actually part of Canon Law of 1253, though not all major regions of the Roman Catholic countries practice it - even though the law states if you violate this law and not repent, God will get mad and burn you in hell like the meat you were eating because eating meat during days of fasting is classified as a mortal sin.

I seriously think abstinence is one of the traditions we ought to trash already. There is no sacrifice in eating seafood and vegetables if the seafood will cost more and even taste better than the meat we're not supposed to be eating.

And it's not like anybody's life will be better if we keep on practicing abstinence. All we're doing is starving out the meat vendor's family. Can you carry that in your conscience?

Maybe it was applicable before, back when seafood was actually cheaper than normal meat because hey, we're surrounded by seas and oceans. Unfortunately this aint the case now. Abstinence becomes no more meaningful sense than eating Queso de Bola during Christ's birthday.

All abstinence ever does is self-reassurance that you're following God's will (which unfortunately isn't even clearly stated in the bible other than a certain ambiguous line from 1 Timothy 4:1-5. )

If you want to change something this lenten season, go make a real sacrifice and not just a symbolic one that's lost essence throughout the years.

Like maybe donate half of your salary to the Redkinoko Foundation for the Empoverished Redkinoko.

I bet if you donate more than half you'll be sent to heaven after your death so fast, St. Peter will have to give you a speeding ticket.

SRLSLY.

Some Red Proverbs

I feel enlightened this morning so I made a few proverbs/quotes you can go impart on your children. And no, don't tell them it came from me.

• And who so first cast the stone be of lesser worth, it seems. The faultless cannot step forth as so without the fault of righteousness.



• You're not a threat to them. At least they don't consider you as such. An advantage if you think about it. A disadvantage if you think about it too much.



• If money can truly make people happy, we'd have insurance salesmen preaching during Sunday service.



• Whoever said "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" is a lazy wart. For evil to triumph, it's also necessary for bad men to try really really hard. Nothing is ever THAT easy. Take that, Sir Edmund you lazy toad.



• THABTO is a good quoteronym. I say THABTOUYRYHTPTAMFTB. Two heads are better than one - until you realize you have to pay twice as much for teeth braces.



• For what it's worth, I think these genocidal dictators are going at the pseudological direction when they start killing off hordes of people to unite a nation. Pros: Having death as a common trait will stop any racial bickering (or anything related to living for that matter). Cons: Tax payers will be harder to come by.



• Copying quotes doesn't make you any more wittier than photocopying paintings makes you a Picasso.

Update.

Hi,

My YM username REDKINOKO got hacked just this morning. Please avoid any contact with that username until I have resecured the account and posted about it here. For the mean time, I will be using NEFASTURIS. Feel free to add me up if you need to contact me.

British Admiral: Gentlemen, the ship is ours.
British Navy Officers: Huzzah!

Now back to our regular programming.

God I hate having to reset my account. But you know what really blows? Strong wind.

Thanks and Regards,
Jet

The Italians Will Inherit The World.

I really think Italian food is the solution to the world's food shortage problem. I ordered a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs last night in some fancy Italian restaurant. Me being a hungry mother*ucker, I started chowing it down as soon as the waiter removed her hands from harm's way (i.e. the space between the spaghetti and my mouth)

Two hours and three glasses of bottomless Iced tea later, I'm still downing the same bowl, not even emptying the goddamn dish halfway. It's like I'm Hercules and I'm trying to eat a pasta version of the hydra. It's like the noodles are just growing back - and my stomach wasn't getting any bigger. It's like an uphill fight with me paralyzed halfway down.

And then there were the meatballs. I distinctly remember eating half of a meatball for every three forkfulls of noodles I gobbled down. I could've sworn those stroke inducers grew back the parts they lost the moment I take my eyes off the meatball. Like if I split them in two, two meatballs start forming. Zombie meatballs, I tell you. Zombies.

If we had more dishes like these, I bet we could feed entire nations with just bowlfuls of spaghetti. Jesus Christ's fish and bread got nothing on this dish.

I left the place with the spaghettti bowl almost untouched.

Fucking Italians.

Reasons for the lack of updates over the weekend:
1. Downed internet connection at home.
2. Trip to HK a few hours ago.
3. Life, libido, the works.

Pinoy Wrestling (A Film Walkthrough)

It begins with a monlogue...

"They say truth is stranger than fiction, for those who doubt this statement will do well into looking into the case of the spectacular up and coming Pinoy wrestler called LAWIN The BIRDMAN. Lawin's fascination with wild birds began at an early age. Before a fight he can be found here where Lawin says that he feels he's one with the universe. The energy that flows within Lawin is terribly overwhelming. He solves this predicament by unleashing this energy in Pinoy Wrestling..."

This film clip has so many features I'd like to point out, I'm actually panicking trying to think where I should start. Ok ok. Here are some points in this very fine vintage film from the late 80's that you should consider before or after watching the film:

- Pinoy wrestling is different from WWE in only one aspect. Wrestlers in Pinoy Wrestling do not control their slams. Apparently, nobody got aorund to tell them professional wrestling is more of doing stunts than actually doing damage. In a way, Pinoy Wrestling is like a stage play of Les Miserables, but they use real guns onstage. And, inevitably, real blood.

- I'm not really that much into cinematography, but I think putting in music for a Richard Simmons exercise video in Lawin The Birdman's clip is just wrong.

- Notice the fine construction of the English narrative above. Note that this is Filipino sports. Perhaps this is a sign that 20 years ago we were more English literate than we are now.

- Lawin The Birdman? What the fuck. Any vignette that involves feather-wearing men walking around a zoo with their top off should not be allowed in public TV. Not even on cable.

- The names are insanely humorous. Max Buyawa, Lawin, and of course, the midget in the leather suit running around the side of the ring, "Mikrobyo" are fine examples of this outsanding sport of men.

- The announcers are retarded. Here are some of their more memorable lines:
- "Malamang. Malamang sya...." (malamang na?)
- "Inulo nya! Inulo nya ulit!" (during video of Max shoulder ramming Lawin)
- "Kung tayo yan, bali-bali na ang ulo natin..."

- Fake ambiance taken from a cockpit gets constantly played even when the audience in the background are obviously far from being in a raving/cheering/clapping mood.

- After taking the time building up Lawin The Birdman's hype, he loses anyway. And badly. And the announcers pretend they never tried to build him up throughout the course of the match.

This film rocks.

Obscure European Music Featuring Weird Rappers Music Video Of The Week

shorter title: Speak The Rapper Video



So what do you get when you combine the mortician from Gone in 60 Seconds, the Sherminator from American Pie, the 3 people from Queer Eye and some eunuch tenor?

Bisdness.

I refuse to admit that this video is real, despite the overwhelming evidence that it is. Everything about the whole damn thing is a f'ing joke. Speak, the rapper in the video has a real weird accent and he keeps on juggling the five same words over and over again: check, yeah,that's right, c'mon, and of course bisdness. While the message of the song seems sincere enough, there's just not enough seriousness to go around to make everything look real.

There's nothing melodic about the lyrics, if you can call it that. You know the part of every Boys To Men song where Boys to Men try to reassure the listener they're not homos by trashtalking in a bedroom voice? It's like that for 80% of the whole song, except Speak is not reassuring us anything. He's just plain revolting. And his voice is not that of the bedroom, it's that of six feet under.

And then there's

"I hope my black broders flow da same like me." part.

Pasty white ass calling Tupac, Dre, and Diddy his brothers. What the hell. If he were any more whiter, he'd be indistinguishable from the tombstones around him (he doesn't move a lot either)

Maaan, Hungary's got a lot of catching up to do to regain their position in the musical world. Because as of today, it's sunk at an all time low. From baroque operas to rappers in graveyards.

But you know what? This video owns. 4 minutes of music that gives 10 hours of laughter.

This video earns a full score of 10 point WTF.

It doesn't get higher than that.

10 Reasons Why Sonia Roco Should Become Senator

I was going over the list of senatoriables the other day and came upon the name of Sonia Roco. While I don't think there's anything wrong with her being in that list, I found it scary that I was nodding to myself saying, "I think I should vote for her."

Perhaps the more sensible thing I shouldve been thinking about is "WHO THE HELL IS SHE?"

People from the messageboard I frequent think she's the antithesis of Richard Gomez, like voting for her is some sort of protest vote against Goma. But then again, these are the same people who think UFOs exist so I don't think that's enough reason.

So without the will to do research further than the front page of Google and the creative mind of a week-old cabbage soaked in rugby, I managed to come up with reasons why she should be voted.

Here are some reasons why people vote for Sonia Roco:

1. She's the wife of late Sen. Raul Roco, who unfortunately has this debilitating condition called death preventing him from running, walking, or just being alive for that matter. But since we have this long-running *cough* Aquino *cough* belief that intelligence is somewhat marriage-transmittable...

2. She's not Richard Gomez. God help us if she starts modelling underwear anytime soon.

3. She's not Cesar Montano. God help us if she starts... well... being like Cesar Montano, or whatever Cesar Montano does to piss the public off (or is it rather what he can't do that makes people antsy?)

4. She's from Ateneo. Everybody knows great leaders like Enrile and Erap come from Ateneo. Also, she likes Blue. (implicit school bash +1)

5. She can play five musical instruments.

6. For some reason, everybody seems to know her down to her core beliefs, eccentricities and "tenacious will to help her fellow man through patriotic laws" despite the fact that before she said she's running for senator, nobody really even knew she exists in this world and that she never really says anything much about anything.

7. She's not Tessie Aquino Oreta. Period.

8. She's got good hair for her age.

9. With reference to #6, as a general rule, the less you talk about anything, the more people assume you can do just about anything. Since Sonia's not that much of a presence (i.e. near intangible), she exudes the aura reminiscent of a living god. But then again we have a our 10th reason which is:

10. God wills it.

I plagiarised - uh wait. What?

Copyright f'ing infringement? Since when has covering songs (and badly at that) been copyright infringement? What's next, the inventor of the piano filing a lawsuit against anybody filming usage of his instrument without paying royalty?

Maan this sucks. Both my playing and how the video's been deleted without any talk.

So, correct me if I am wrong. If I play by ear something from anything I see on TV or video, it's okay. But when I say I play by the ear something I heard from another youtube video, it's illegal?

t(' - ' t)

I've recorded the same piece just now.




The fuck if you still think this is illegal.

Red Says (part 3)

In this episode, Red tackles the wondrous science of attracting the opposite sex from the side of women. Because Red is sensitive, like that.

[18:48] anonymous: how do you attract a snob anti social yet uber hot guy red!!
[18:48] anonymous: telll
[18:49] redkinoko: use gayuma
[18:49] redkinoko: or be uber hot in return
[18:49] anonymous: thats hard
[18:49] anonymous: hahahah

As a recap, here are the most reliable ways to attract a man:

1. Be hot.
2. Be not ugly.
3. Be hot and not ugly.

But then again sometimes, those three are just not enough.

So we bring out our secret weapon.

[18:49] anonymous: he's not into looks ehhh
[18:50] redkinoko: I bet he's into loaded guns.
[18:50] redkinoko: as in "DATE ME OR ILL BLOW YOUR HEAD WIDE OPEN WITH THIS .45."

No guy is stupid enough to not fall in love with THAT.

[18:50] anonymous: hahahahahahhhahaa
[18:50] anonymous: NOT LIKE THAT
[18:50] redkinoko: guys love not having holes in their heads
[18:50] redkinoko: specially when they could die from it
[18:50] redkinoko: really.

I mean, between having my brains redecorate the wall and dating a girl even if I'm not interested with her, damn - there's no real contest there. I think that's the premise of a lot of "true love" scenarios anyway.

I really should start doing counseling for a living.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Is it just me or are the Koreans really the most optimistic of all the nations primarily practicing Chinese traditions? Last year, Koreans were the only people in the world who considered the year 2006 as a ultra-mega-lucky year to get married. The rest of the world still went by the saying "I think therefore I am single."

The Koreans went as far as saying that 2006 was the luckiest year to get married in 60 years. The result? They literally had to outsouce marriages abroad just to cater to the large number of people who want to get hooked up. Not convinced? Google it.

Then this year, the same Koreans who were saying last year was a lucky one are proclaiming that this year is even luckier, as this is a year of the Golden Pig and there won't be another one in 600 years.

So let me recap this. Last year was lucky. This year is even luckier. I have a prediction to make. Next year will be mega-godzilla lucky, you can jump off a bridge and not die because by a million to one chance, 10,000 birds passing by will cushion your landing.

But that's only if you're in Korea.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not exactly a fan of Korea. After My Sassy Girl, Tae Guk Gi, and Korean Beef BBQ, nothing good ever comes out of that place. Their traditions are bad and any food that's not bbq'ed either tastes too spicy or too bland. (and no, I will not start a long litany about how BoA has learned through the years the delicate art of sucking on stage)

But this optimism in their religion, I think I like.

Why can't we have more of those? A positive religion that doesn't threaten you as much as a one-armed bandit with a knife. Like Catholicism without hell or purgatory or funny priests in playgrounds.

Seriously, I've yet to hear Korean soothsayers say anything about negative vibes this year.

Is it just coincidence that South Korea is also one of the very few nations in Asia with zero poverty incidence? Maybe we really gotta try this thinking positive kind of thing.

But you go first - I'm not willing to jump on a bridge to try it.

Intermission

No real updates for today. I'm currently working on a writing project that earns me real money and it's draining me of my smex powers. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to release information here but it's supposed to be a comic book for commercial release during the latter half of this year.

Sadly, no, it's not about Combatron.

Or Komikus.

Or Deathmetal.

What's that?

You don't know Combatron?

Wow. You sure know how to miss out on life.

http://www.internationalhero.co.uk/c/combatron.htm

Now go educate yourself and stop being a waste of perfectly good semen.

The Final Word

Though it's been my policy to avoid as much serious political posts in this site, this special post will have to make an exception. Key words: Serious and Political. If you don't feel like reading posts of that nature, skip this one and come back tomorrow for the usual static.

A few days ago, I participated in a thread in PinoyExchange.com about "The Top Ten Reasons Why Richard Gomez Should Be Senator". I posted my reasons there and posted them here as well. I patterned the reasons on the now famous meme "Chuck Norris Trivia". And then I thought, maybe I should up the ante by completely campaigning for Richard Gomez to the extent of being playing an apologist/zealot. And I did (evidenced by the post just before this one).

"Makukuyog po kayo dito!" says soltera81 in the thread.

And he/she's right. After posting "God wills it." as a reason, among other reasonable/highly-unreasonable things, I started taking flak. And lots of it.

It was fun while it lasted. But I feel that I should now give the rational behind what I was doing in the thread.

I wanted to see how people react to a topic that clearly states looking for positives in a senatorial candidate.

"Pity the Filipino," says barista2010 in the thread.

Pity the man who sees no advantages to having him in the senate for that man will never learn why biases are such dangerous things.

Whether you're extremely in favor or extremely against something - the fact that you're in an extreme position is already wrong.

If ever the thread has shown anything new, it's that majority of Filipino people automatically shut off possiblities that aren't within their existing knowledge. They refuse to consider the possibility of new ideas when they already have comfortable dogmas and paradigms in mind.

The thread is about reasons to vote for Richard Gomez. Not whether or not you want him in the senate. Majority of the posters could only come up with reasons NOT to vote for him, meaning in their minds, they can't even hypothetically consider why he should be in the senate.

I admire even those who considered jokes as reasons - at least I found them trying, if only in a humorous way.

This is no longer about Richard Gomez.

This is about the latent Filipino ability to make decisions. There's a good reason why televisions stopped being black and white a long time ago. And that's because the real world cannot be represented only in two colours. Everything has pro's and con's. And that mix is what we should be looking at instead. If you are unable to see things from both their advantages and disadvantages objectively, you are a bad decision maker.

I just hope PinoyExchange and this blog will be instrumental in removing the dualsitic attitude of our voters, if not today, then perhaps somewhere in our future.

That is all I have to say. A good day to all.

Gomanation

High treason is in the air. People are attempting to block the entry of the world's soon to be greatest politician in the Philippine arena ( a special lol for this one). We the unworthy legions cannot accept this. Who else can lead us to total paradise (i.e. the afterlife) through drastic change (i.e. death)?

Total GOMANATION must not be resisted.

http://richardgomezsucks.blogspot.com/

They are wrong.

Richard Gomez will become senator, president, and pope.

It's manifest destiny.

Richard Gomez can be an actor AND a politician.

Haven't you guys seen the Highschool Musical? (LOLOLOLOL)

He's so flexible, he even has a nickname based on rubber.

And what do we rely on when having unprotected sex?

That's right. Rubber.

Because Philippine politics is like that.

Having unprotected sex with people we don't know for reasons we don't understand.

Goma doesn't screw around. Goma wraps around the screw, if you know what I mean.

So who's it going to be, the rubber or the assholes? That's right.

Goma for Senator. Maybe if we vote enough, he'll win so hard he can instantly become president too.

(this post was paid for by Secret Society of Richard Gomez's Friends)

The Fastfood Is Not A Place For Family Decisions

Okay, I may have ranted about something similar before but I just feel compelled to talk about it again - because it happened to me just now again.

So there I was, in line at the cashier of Jolibee when the turn of the two people in front of me came up. From how they looked (i.e. both ugly) they were a couple. I patiently waited for them to finish giving their orders to the cashier - I had time to kill, so I wasn't really paying attention.

Then five minutes passed.

Then ten minutes.

After that, it wasn't time I wanted to kill anymore. I've killed enough time - and I wanted to kill something else. The two people were STILL ordering. Everytime they'd look at a menu item, it's like they're having decisions about family fucking planning.

Guy: How about french fries?
Girl: Oh I don't know... I don't think we're ready yet.
Guy: It's okay. We can handle it.
Girl: Sure... but only if it's regular.
Guy: Okay regular. Ketchup?
Girl: What did the doctor say about ketchup?
Guy: I can't remember.
Girl: Maybe we should get the mayonnaise instead.
Guy: Good call.
Dying cashier: SO YOU WANT THE FRIES?
Guy and Girl: *looks at each other then looks at the cashier* We'll take it!
Girl: Okay, what's next on the menu?

I felt like the stupid banker from Deal or No Deal who always stands behind silhouettes like some child abuse victim. For the love of everything holy, hungry, and Go Bigtime, SAY DEAL ALREADY. I want my breakfast! If these two were in that show, Kris Aquino would be having a baby already and they'd still be deciding whether or not they should open the fourth case.

Listen. The fastfood is called so because food is supposed to be delivered fast. Unfortunately, the fastfood is only as fast as the guy in front of you in the queue. If you have some shred of decency in your soul, the moment you get in line, start thinking/debating/legislating already about what you're going to eat so that when you arrive at the cashier, you just have to "place" your order and not "philosophize" about whether or not humanity is ready for your regular yum with cheese.

As an ending to the story, I finally got what I wanted. But not because I waited for those two. I had to transfer to another cashier yet again.

There still is no justice in this world.

-----------
In other news, after posting the coke article, the traffic of this site went triple its daily average. WTF Vagoo.

More Subliminal Advertisement.

Sometime not too long ago, I wrote an article about subliminal messages in advertisements using Folgers, an american brand of coffee to illustrate how sex can get injected in a commercial. That commercial was made during the 60's.

A few nights ago, I was cruising down EDSA and saw this really striking ad for a very popular product: Coca-cola. Location for the ad is between Guadalupe and Buendia MRT stations. It's at least 30 ft tall so you can't miss it. The theme was "Buhay Coke, Buksan mo." (The Coke Life, Open it.) There is nothing wrong with the caption.

Then I saw the image posted in the billboard. It's a coke being opened after being shaken, its contents exploding from it's uncapped mouth. There was nothing noteworthy about that, I mean, that's what happens when coke is opened under pressure.

What was striking was that the "fountain" of coke together with the bottle formed something I found really funny. To further illustrate my point, I have a picture here of what you should see along EDSA:

(Recreated drawing masterfully done by Leonardi Da Vinci using MSPaint, 300 years after his death. Go blame him for the sucky art.)

It looked like a vagina between two legs spreading. Even the taxi driver agreed after I mentioned it. A friend of mine thought so too. And then there's the word "Buksan mo" which made it even funnier, in a not-so-good suggestive way.

If you don't believe me, go check it out. We have a 50ft vagina posted in our most busy thoroughfare and nobody even notices the play there. (Talk about underappreciation.)

What is it with advertisers and trying to hide sex symbols in ads anyway? If it's not hotdog commercials, it's ice cream. If it's not ice cream it's condominiums. And now this.

Maybe somewhere inside the bowels of the great Coke organization (no pun intended) a conversation like this occured:

marketing guy: Betcha I can put a large drawing of a pussy in a very busy roadway and get away with it.
marketing head: How big?
marketing guy: 50ft. This one's for the books. It'll be like Poontang-Palooza.
marketing head: Do it and I'll let you do Bench commercials and you get to choose the models.

Is there a yearly award for the "most publicized hidden sex icon" in the advertising industry? I begin to suspect that the guys who make these things are just corporate version of my classmate Benson, who got caught vandalizing our school walls with giant images of penis using chalk. I mean, they had to grow up and maybe they just wanted to do as work what they enjoyed doing as kids.

Kudos to Coke for being able to pull this shit off from right under everybody's noses.

Or should I say over our heads?

Fanfiction Paranoia

"If winners get to write history, what do losers write? Fanfiction." - Princess Elnore of Ragnaboards.

I remember clearly why I never really got around to reading written works on the net until late 2003, even though I first got online some five years earlier. I was actually around fourteen at that time when I discovered the internet, eager to see anything related to my favorite animated series.

I remember being a fan of Gundam Wing at that time.

There was this one site that I visited for pictures of the Gundams (robots from the series) and I found the site real cool. So I kept on saving them to my pc when I noticed this tiny link on the side of the screen that said "Fiction".

Being the naive e-moron that I was, I thought it was some sort of free copy of official additional storyline for the series. I thought, hey, I've seen the whole series but I want to know what happened before or after those events so I might as well read this.

So there I was reading the whole thing. The story was pretty quality for my standards at that time (probably because I only knew basic English then) and I thought the battles were rather flashy. Cool, I thought. It's not exactly visual, but at least I get to use my imagination.

Somewhere in the middle of the story, after around 30 minutes of reading, two heroes in the story, Quatre Winner and Trowa Barton got trapped in this room. Which was strange - since they weren't even supposed to go there. I began to suspect that somethign weird was about, but I thought, hmmm - yeah. I should read anyway.

As it turns out, after being trapped in the room, the two "heroes" decided to have a change of heart and help find each other's real self. By change of heart I mean change of sexual preference from women to men. ANd by "find each other's real self" I mean anally copulate.

I remember taking a long shower after reading that section. I remember crying myself to sleep. It was like taking candy from strangers and being kidnapped and shit, against my will. I felt tricked and decided any story written on the net will be any of the following:

a) a scam
b) about two men having sex
c) a scam involving two men having sex

It wasn't really until I got into Ragnarok Online's message board that I started reading again, mainly because Riina, a good friend of mine thought this would be the best therapy to cure my recently acquired phobia of anything fan-made.

And it's all good I suppose.

But I still cry myself to sleep sometimes.

Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu - God Knows Take 2

As promised, here's a better attempt at God Knows (though still crappy when compared to Philip's version) . Don't kill me pls.



I got lazy at the end because I couldn't remember which chord goes next. Also, I was running late for work. Hahaha.

Cynical Red Answers A Survey

People have been requesting for more Surveys As Answered By A Man Of Grease (Taong Grasa) but this one will be a bit different. I'll try to answer this one as the future great ruler of the universe and everything existing - i.e. me.

1. Things that have been keeping you busy?
BRB. Angel Locsin wants me in her room *rolls eyes* again. Women.

2. How long do you want to live?
Long enough to get back at my future children by being legally entitled to urinate in public without shame or reprimand. That way, when I say "You piss me off." People will take my words seriously and move out of the way.

3. Is it okay to hate people?
Only as long as you eat the vegetables and sidedishes they usually come with. Also, don't forget to put leftovers in a doggie bag so you don't look wasteful - and when nobody is looking, toss it out the window of your car on the way home.

4. What have you been up to lately?
Check my pants and see where I stand. ;)

5.What do you want people to say about you 50 years from now?
By my open casket I want people weeping and saying "I will miss this guy because he ruled so much." Then I'll be laughing at them and say "hahaha Just kidding guys, I'm not dead yet." And they'd laugh too because they'll think it's a trick - but it's not. I'm really dead already and they're just seeing a ghost. Then they'll have heartattacks and all die. And we can all go have drinks in the afterlife or something.

6. What kind of girls/guys do you like?
I like women the same way I like ice. Smooth, clear, soothing, crushed, and inside my freezer for easy access.

7. Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people. What can you say about this?
Great minds dont discuss anything with anybody because nobody ever understands them. Average minds think they're discussing, but they're just parroting what they heard on TV. Small minds dont discuss at all. They just babble and agree on one thing - that what they're doing is tantamout to discussing. And you're an idiot for not being able to figure that out on your own.

8. Do you ever take time to smell the flowers?
Hmm. Wait. No.

9. Your friends are in a tent and its on fire, who do you save?
The world - by not doing anything to rescue idiots stupid enough to die in a fire as small as a tent. That's basically like drowning in a kiddie pool - without water. We don't want people like that to have kids. Or be friends with anybody. Especially me.

10. What do you think about love?
Everybody else has thoughts about this trite subject. Go ask them instead.

11. What's your favorite cereal?
Kellogs Frosties reportedly causes involuntary orgasms when regularly ingested because it kicks so much ass, it actually forces your sexual glands to produce orgasmic fluids.

12. Do you notice how often you say "like"?
Do you like how often you say "notice"? Who cares?

13. Buried or cremated?
Scattered all over my hometown, but not like cremated or anything. That'd be gross.

14. How do you want to be remembered?
I want people to sigh everytime they remember me after I'm dead and say "That guy sure owed me a lot of money..."

15. What part of your body do you like the most?
Enough about me. What do you like about me the most? *wink wink* *suggestive position*

16. Are you good looking?
The best this universe has to offer, baby.

17. Do you consider yourself romantic?
I put the Man in Romantic.

Actually there were more questions. I fell asleep trying to answer them all. Shitty surveys are still shitty no matter how well you answer them. It's like trying to make a beauty queen out of a monkey - you just can't. Es imposible para mi.

Fuck surveys, this will be the last time.

I cry now.

Why Richard Gomez Should Become Senator

Richard Gomez has expressed his will to run for senatory this coming election. While he is being laughed off as a nuisance canditate, I share different sentiments. To convince you otherwise, I have created this very very educational article about Richard Gomez.

Without further ado, here are 10 Little known facts about Richard Gomez that you should consider before deciding to act retarded and actually not vote for him:

10. People who do not vote for Richard Gomez become flying voters. Literally, and they are never to be seen again.

9. Richard Gomez can legislate while sleeping - in a coma.

8. Richard Gomez does not run for election. Election runs from him.

7. Richard Gomez was once invited to talk about drug abuse. There were no survivors.

6. Richard Gomez does not only pass laws. He throws them helluva far.

5. When Richard Gomez becomes speaker, he'll kick so much ass they'll call him Mr. THX Dolby Digital 5.1 instead

4. "Solon" is actually ancient latin for "What Richard Gomez should be like"

3. Richard Gomez will not be running for a seat of power - he already has Bench.

2. If he gets elected, there will no longer be administration or opposition. There will be "Richard Gomez" and "Others who want to be Richard Gomez"

1. If he wins, Lucy Torres will get more airtime, driving the interest of foreigners in our country up, improving our economy, eliminating poverty and increasing the overall demand for Kleenex tissue on the side.

Richard Gomez is the #1 candidate. QED, bitches.

Unlimitxt + Hike = Unlimitards.

Everywhere online nowadays, it seems everybody's bitching about Globe's raised prepaid unlimited texting/sms price rate. From 50 pesos every 5 days, it's changed to 80 pesos per five days. For all you non-flips out there, that's a raise from one US dollar all-you-can-SMS bonanza to say, one dollar and sixty cents.

BOO HOO.

Cry me a river and go drown in it. Why the fuss? It's just a raise. What I don't get is that these shits of customers think they're being robbed with this promo. What? How can a promo rob you? It's a PROMO. A promotion. That means no matter what, it's still cheaper than what you used to have. And it's not like you're obliged to take it.

Many people are calling it a rape of customer rights and kept on comparing it to when Globe started charging 1 peso per text message sent. No. This is different. Back then, we were FORCED to pay one peso per text message sent. Now, it's just an option. You can not avail of the promo and stick to the one peso per text rate.

Just to sample the cockery, these whiners have come up with, we have this "power petition". Great. I have news for you, EDSA mentality does not solve everything. It's just mob mentality without the proper cause.

To: National Telecommunications Commission

We, subcribers of Globe and citizens of the Philippines, demand that the Commission withdraw its approval of the new Globe unlimited texting promo which replaced Globe Unlimitxt and resulted in a price increase. The NTC must stop it immediately and restore the old unlimited texting rates.

We feel aggrieved and insulted by the sudden change, the lack of prior consultation or public hearing and the absence of complete information on the new Globe unlimited texting service approved by the Commission.

We condemn the deception of Globe Telecom. The stoppage of Globe Unlimitxt and its replacement by the new promo has resulted in a 100 percent increase in unlimited texting rates. From P50.00 for five days, the rate is now P80.00 for four days. Such a price hike should be taken back by Globe and authorization withdrawn by the NTC. The NTC should closely study all new promos that purportedly provide "wider choices" but turn out to be so deceptively and cleverly crafted to sneak in a price hike. Thus, the NTC is duty bound to correct its mistake by ordering Globe to bring back Globe Unlimitxt.

We urge the NTC to take a pro-consumer stand vis-a-vis telecommunications corporations who are known for disrespecting and abusing subscribers through unfair promos, warrantless price hikes, arbitrary pricing, low quality services, and bad customer service.

We demand immediate action from the Commission. The NTC must respond to the consumer complaint filed by TXTPower on Feb. 1, 2007 which we fully support.

Sincerely,
The Undersigned

Just so you know, TXTPOWER.ORG is just trying to earn from the hype. It's not pro your cause. The site is pro "lemme get some money off this issue". See those google ads? The sponsors? Wake the hell up.

Regulatory boards are for regular prices, not promotional rates. Have you seen people boycotting SM's midnight madness because not "all" of their goods are on 50% discount? NO.

You guys are acting like diabetics in bad need of insulin. The only difference is that while crying on an empty stock of insulin, there are other alternatives - like Sun and Smart. Bad analogy, insulin is a need. Short message service is a want. Wanting more of wants makes you no better than a drug addict.

Go switch networks. No, really. With more than FIFTEEN million subscribers, Globe wouldn't care less if you and your family switched to Sun. Seriously. And perhaps you're doing all us a favor by sending your abusive sms-addiction to other networks.

And then you cry "But Jet, what about my number?"

Hey, you're too cheap to pay regular. That means you're too cheap to pay for your number too. In the old days, cheapskates like you get disconnected faster than analog.

But since I'm kind like a saint, I have a better alternative for you. It's better than SMS and it's unlimited too. You wanna know more about it? Okay. Get your pen ready. Here it is:

LANDLINE.

What? It's not portable? Okay. I have a better suggestion.

Go talk to whoever you want to talk to in person . Your spllng might improve too.

Get off the air if you don't want to pay fair, faggots. That's the same air I'm breathing and I don't want to get infected with your delirious addiction. And for the last time NO, GODDAMNIT. Blogging all you want will not change a big corporation's view on things. You are not special.

Well, not that kind of special.

More like shortbus, wear a helmet, and go by the nickname "retard" kind of special.

--------------

Update:

I have an idea. Why don't the government just take over our communications corporations so they can regulate the pricerates there and ensure that very minimal profit is made and the "real" price of SMS usage is maintained? And then we'll just have to get SMS rights proportional to the amount of work that we do. While we're at it, let's do that to every single industry we have in the country. Then, let's just change our nation's name to "People's Republic of The Philippines" and call our president "Chairman". Let's add more red to our flag, and maybe a hammer and sickle.

God bless your communist thoughts.

The Little Prince (i.e. Prince's Penis)

I'm not sure if there is such a thing as eternal life, but if ever there is, it would be what could best describe Prince's career. The man's commited more acts of career suicide than anybody I know of and yet for some reason he still surfaces as a top-brass artist. Sure, Michael Jackson's had his share of oh-shit-i-screwed-this album up antics but you don't see him walking out of any fiasco like that without damage, right? Prince can do that. If he were in NBC's Heroes, he'd be the invulnerable cheerleader - and Prince'd probably be still wearing the same skirt the original character was wearing.

Here is a short list of his shittisms:

- Sing about Jehova's Witnesses
- Appear onstage almost halfnaked - (with the wrong half exposed)
- Change your name to "The Artist Formerly Known As Prince"
- Sing really really shitty songs in like 3 albums in a row.

This year's halftime for NFL Superbowl was one for the books. Prince was peforming. It's like Prince deliberately took a potshot at the legendary titty-popper Timberlake and Jackson did way back when. After that titty-popping incident on a Sunday afternoon, there's now a 10-second delay in broadcasting, to prevent the audiences from being shocked by sudden acts of lewedness/visual terrorism.

Prince was able to get past that "restriction". (To the US homeland defense guys, if Prince can do it, what makes you think Al Qaeda wont be able to? Huh? Huh?)

With his specially-shaped guitar, he played one song behind a white sheet - with his outline only showing. Conveniently placed to his side, the guitar's shaped looked like a dick. A penis. (see picture) And he was slapping and moving his wrists in the most suggestive way that it looked like the grandest display of public masturbation in public history.

And those 10 seconds of delay weren't enough for the production crew to be able to stop the broadcast. By the time the message sunk in, Prince's antics had already reached everybody watching the show's live broadcast. Thanks to that, Prince is now the world's most publicized wanker.

Is Prince walking away out of this unscathed? You bet your ass, batman.

Like is said, he's immortal.

Red Says (part 2)

Anonymous says:

I have lived long enough amidst the desert of mediocrity and learned to call it home. Once upon a time I asked a passer by if I may go with him to the fields of gold where he was heading but ignored me as if I didn't exist. So here I remain in the desert still while I wait for my soul to turn into dust.

There are many other creatures in the desert like me who once lived their dreams but lost it. They all say that maturity is accepting your fate. For the longest time I struggled against this belief but you see time will soon fade your strength.

God has commanded me to bury my talent under the sea. There is no way he could blame me once it turns into seafoam.

You have no idea how many spirits you HR people have killed.

Red says:

You can't kill someone's spirit. You can only convince it to die on its own. For it is one thing to deprive a man of his life, and completely another to take away dreams sown. A spirit killed is always suicide with full consent of its master.

You my friend are your own smoldering ruin. There's no fate in this world that would have made you happy in that state of presence. You blame the rock that blocks your way, when it's your incompetence of not finding other paths that's preventing you from moving forward.

God did not command you to put your talent into the sea. He is no fool. You harnessed it to appear where it lies now. You are horrified, so you turn to everything else for the blame.

And so it would seem that the most convenient body to blame, next to God would be the messengers to state your obvious dismality. The Human Resources Department.

News flash, there is no world out to get you. You're just not getting enough out of the world. And apparently, you're extremely adept in failing at it.

I suppose that would make a wonderful career choice in the field of misery.

Get your head out of your ass.

source: Pinoyexchange.com

(I don't go by my usual username there so don't go looking for me)

New layout? No, it's just your eyes.

I was talking to a friend earlier who's been wondering why Public Static's colour scheme changed pretty much overnight, the same way Michael Jackson did before he got into the child molestation business. Well, we're not going into the child molestation gig either. Why?

It never happened.

There is no black Public Static. There was no black Public Static. It's been white all along. If this site looked black to you , you may be instinctively racist but have now been cured by the awesomeness of this site.

And no, it had nothing to do with people telling me that Public Static is black because the author is Emo. Or that it looks the way it is because I am too lazy to update the templates of this website.

That is not true.

I'm to lazy to update the templates AND the tags. There's a difference right there. What the difference is, maybe we can discuss some other time. I'm too lazy for it.

Or maybe you're right, and mystic elves suddenly turned my site into what it is now and just made everybody forget about the old look. But that's stupid. Everybody knows elves aren't mystic. They're Presbyterian.

No offense to the dwarves.

Senator Type Quiz

Which type of senator do you think you are? Take this simple quiz and find out.

1. Do you think you can talk to animals?

a) Yes, but like everybody else, they just dont understand.
b) No, but if I could, I'll convince them to vote for me so I can better protect their needs.
c) Who sent you? The Lion King? For the last time tell his highness to stay clear of the Elephant Graveyard!

2. A cake is on the table with nobody around. You find the urge to:

a) Eat it.
b) Report to the authorities of a potential terrorist implement.
c) Eat it and then say you've successfuly diffused a potential terrorist implement at a presscon.

3. What do you think of Turon and Mineral Water?

a) Never seen them together in my entire life.
b) Staple food for senate officework.
c) They should be replaced with soda instead (as they go well with the nuts of the senate)

4. Which hobby do you like best

a) sleeping
c) charity work for our empoverished brothers
b) sleeping around

5. Yes or No: Good friends make good runningmates.

a) Yes.
b) Not necessarily.
c) Only if they have good hair.

6. What's your favorite Magazine?

a) Archie Comics.
b) Time and Newsweek.
c) FHM, but only too look for clues regarding the latest coup attempt.

7. If I can pass one seemingly impossible law it would be:

a) *shrug* If it's on my table, I'll sign it.
b) Incremental taxation on annual land vehicle registration.
c) Female Government Workers Should Wear Skirts Act

8. My idea of a good campaign would be:

a) where people will vote for me after seeing me onstage.
b) People believing I can change the world through my people-friendly agendas.
c) A That's Entertainment Cast, preferrably the Friday Group for that week.

9. What's the meaning of life?

a) I abstain from voting on this issue.
b) Enjoy life by helping others*
c) Not anything the opposition would have in mind.

10. My motto is:

a) If less is more, then how much more is more?
b) The only reason for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.
c) There's no business like show business.

Results:

If you answered mostly A's:

You are a Driftwood Politician, living the life of a drift wood, you float from one position to another, tenure to tenure without actually doing so much as eating, sleeping and occassionally making remarks about the hair of other politicians when you run out of dilbertisms. Voters still vote for you for one reason or another and you just keep on popping up on the winners list. Fret not, being driftwood is not so bad. Driftwood is still hardwood and it can make good decorative artifacts at home. A talking driftwood is also an object of great entertainment - accidental entertainment. Yours is the life that goes "life is but a dream, gently down the stream."

Examples: Robert Jaworski Sr., Edgardo Angara, Ralph Recto, Dong Puno (j/k)

If you answered mostly B's:

You have good hair. You know how to answer every question. You only seek what's best for your country. You save babies in your past time and you have the power to eat garbage and shit diamonds. Your piss is 100% refined oil that helps keep gas prices down. The laws you pass are always for the betterment of mankind. And you are the world's most perfect goddamn liar because no such senator exists in this country. You are the Perfect Politician Liar

Examples: None. Joker Arroyo comes close though, very close.

If you answered mostly C's:

Legislative Entertainer. The senate is a stage and you are the Peter North, the world's most famous pornstar. You spend your entire tenure making a live show of the sessions, screwing everybody within 20 meters of your desk. No law gets passed without your approval - or witty retort that's totally unhelpful. The people watching you on TV are sure to be enterained with your freakisms of nature and everybody else in the floor will hate you for giving them a pain in the ass. You are not the devil's advocate. You are the advocate's devil.

Examples: Tito Sotto, Gringo Honasan, Tito Sotto

So, which senatoriable type are you?

*notorious motto of G-Cosmos owner Genta Ogami, professional conman.

Cofibean Talk

I just felt like pissing a few people off online a couple of nights ago and what resulted, I found really funny. Well not really _that_ funny, but it was rather interesting. Here's a short log of one of the conversations. Like, you know, stuff.

[18:22] redkinoko: hey panget
[18:22] redkinoko: have you eaten already?
[18:22] [himiko]: san mu gs2?
[18:22] redkinoko: henlins?
[18:22] redkinoko: hanmers?
[18:22] [himiko]: WTH!
[18:22] redkinoko: CPK?
[18:22] [himiko]: henlin?
[18:23] redkinoko: California Pizza Kitchen?
[18:23] [himiko]: cabbage patch kids?
[18:23] [himiko]: haha cge
[18:23] redkinoko: you dont know CPK? Oh my gosh
[18:23] redkinoko: youre so taong grasa na talaga
[18:23] [himiko]: hey!
[18:23] [himiko]: cpk is a doll worth 1k what's so tg bout dat?!
[18:25] redkinoko: like duh, why would i be talking about a doll when im asking about dinner? hay nakoh. that's so usapan mahirap talaga.
[18:26] redkinoko: poverty makes you malabo totally
[18:26] [himiko]: wat a tickpeis
[18:27] [himiko]: so kapalmuks
[18:27] redkinoko: henmars?
[18:27] redkinoko: bilis nah, before i get hawa pa with your kadukhaan
[18:28] [himiko]: haha
[18:28] [himiko]: di ako dukha!
[18:28] [himiko]: oh ur so timawa tlga
[18:28] [himiko]: i'm maharlika
[18:29] redkinoko: right right whatever. order food for me na lang so you can go back to surfing for cueshe lyrics na.
[18:29] redkinoko: i know that's what you jologs do naman eh.
[18:29] [himiko]: oh are you refering 2 urself?
[18:29] redkinoko: ill be coming there late nga pala - but dont even think of inviting the chimays and sekyus for house party because I dont blend well with common slaves.

I wonder why it felt so natural... I was thinking "maan, I could get used to this shit!"

After a few hours, the chemicals wore off.

Theomorphism - The Transition from God to Man

Perhaps it is in fact the case that we shall bear witness to nothing more strange, magnificent, and absurdly profound in our lifetimes than seeing the transformation of a God to a human being. I'm not talking about the conception of Jesus Christ - as a world of multiple religions, we are not all required to believe such dogma.

This transformation that I mention, a vast majority of us have seen, see, and, will see. Few will ever acknowledge it. Even fewer will come to understand its nature. A similar number of minority will readily and hastily acknowledge the finality - the humanity of the Gods - even without seeing the transformation. And the rest will content themselves in the ignorance and subconscious avoidance of learning the phenomenon altogether.

We are our own God, says the existentialist Descartes. And perhaps, in our own ways, we are. But there are those who precede us that could have, for the assumption that they do exist outside our own will, created us.

Our parents.

In the beginning, they are our Gods. In the beginning, in our personal genesis, there was only us, and our Gods and it was all good.

Infancy.

On conception, we come to depend on these higher beings for more life than the one that they have gifted us with. They made no mistakes in our eyes. Their position, unfathomably unattainable. And their omnipotence take control of every aspect of our lives - save for our own autonomic instincts.

Childhood.

Growing up, we begin to acquire - we learn to acquire for ourselves. And we slowly realize that our Gods aren't the only Gods around. There are other Gods. And that they are all equally powerful, unattainable, infallible and omnipotent. We begin to see the world as we could not have in our own heaven, with our Gods.

We become banished from our own Eden the moment we see beyond it.

Renaissance.

And then we become cognitive, deductive, rational and irrational, and in experiencing perhaps gain some of this Godhood that we see in our own Gods - Knowledge. Wisdom. After Eden, we start growing larger than our former shells. We see more of the picture. And we see that it is nothing but perfect.

There is no infallible. There is no omnipotent. There is only reality. There is no spoon.

And so as the years pass by, we turn more and more into humans, as we acquire tastes for making things to our liking, and our likeness to others- in portraits, words, in our appearance. We see more and more of ourselves in our Gods, who start looking more and more like us through our eyes.

Of how Gods do make mistakes.

Of how Gods are never in control of everything.

Of how we can be greater than them in some ways, and in some ways be never their equals. Slowly they form the same shape as us. And soon we learn of how they bleed.

Mortality.

That the same blood courses to the same existent veins in their flesh, pound for pound - no more different from ours. That we are no longer different from them, and at some midpoint between Earth and Heaven we meet our own Gods - that the Eden was indeed not with any borders but what we set with our childhood. We then let our consciousness decide on what we see. Of this gradual decay, graceful meltdown of divinity.

Was it trickery? Was it deceit? Was it our own ignorance and plain naivety? Perhaps so. Perhaps not. To each person a different conclusion.

And then we part from this midpoint between the planes of humanity and God. We progress through life in the passing of time - to become unself-acknowledged Gods ourselves to the next fold of offspring.

Meanwhile our Gods in their Eden, have gone through tranformation in front of our eyes. One that brings spite and regret to some, pity to others, and just plain courteous awe for the rest. From God to mortal - in one's lifetime.

And perhaps, in time, we learn to forgive them.

-------------

ps. I wont be going online this weekend so this entry is for Saturday and Sunday already. :) And before you comment on the f'ed up way I wrote this, let me just say this first: "pagbigyan mo na ako, paminsan minan lang ito"

R.I.D (Red's Identification)

made by Addy :)

Just Another College Story

This story happened when we were still on PEONE (or whatever that subject was called) under Mr. Borlain (I cant remember the exact spelling) You'll know this large walking chunk of flesh by the ridiculously disproportioned buldge in his short shorts and his particular penchant for young girls characterized by his homing eyeballs while roaming the 7th floor PE grounds.

Our class was one of the first batches to make use of the swimming pool actually. That was around July of 2000 or something. So anyway we were asked to wear the swimsuits and stuff. We really didnt know why we had to swim when we're not even doing PETRID (individual sports) but we jumped into the water anyway because all freshmen are required to take advantage of any chance to make payabang.

And then the crazy mofo walked out of the changing room with barely-there swim trunks that still haunts me to this day. After a couple of eye-burning stretchings, he started unveiling his diabolical plan.

"All the girls, line up to the left," he said. "The guys, to the right of me."

It was all good.

Except he was standing in the borderline of the 5FT and 6FT side of the pool. Meaning, all guys were to stay in the deep end of the pool and had to either hang on to the railing or tread or maybe, if they felt like it or if they're unable to resist, drown.

He told the guys to stay put (or a sly way of saying go entertain yourselves) while he proceeded with instructing every girl in our class on a girl-to-person basis, if you know what I mean.

In case you're not familiar with our pool, for morning classes, the water there is f'ing freezing. And it's even more so if you're told to "STAY PUT". Unmoving muscles tend to get cold faster. Several classmates of mine turned purple after a couple of minutes. We've yet to find some of the bodies from that class.

Meanwhile, the girls are enjoying (maybe) their personal instruction with Captain Steroids. While half of the male population are enjoying their newly coined subgroup name "pulikat boys".

After that class, I could never watch Titanic's last moments without giving out a laugh, after which I curl up in fetal position, stroke my arm a couple of times and then sob the same girl a little girl would.

10 signs that you're into too much COSPLAY

10. You see a good-looking girl and then you say "Hmm, I bet she'd look good as [insert character from anime here]"

9. You find yourself watching an anime series for the first time or playing a video game and start noticing things like "I wonder how they made that suit..."

8. You know 5 different types of fabrics - and you're straight.

7. Quiapo and Divisoria become less places for bargain purchases and more like places for hunting rare costume-making materials.

6. Your face lights up when you see wigs on display - even when they're not for sale.

5. Even your daily outfits are starting to look "deviant".

4. You have cans of paint inside your room, enough to redecorate a house, and they've never been used for any part of your home.

3. Along with that, there's an arsenal of used props (swords, staff, armor) placed ubiquitously all over your bunk.

2. Your photos keep on getting posted on 4chan - and they have a name for you similar to "Cosplay whore".

1. You walk out of your room wearing a wig, platform shoes, papercraft armor and enough man-makeup to pass you off as a drag queen. Your parents look at you and casually ask "Will you be coming home by dinner?" - but you can't reply because you're under so much costume they wont hear your voice anyway. So you shake your head instead. The neighbors on the other hand are praying the rosary extra hard - thinking your family is now in league with the devil.