Left Behind is Pseudobiblical BS

Taken from Inquirer.net's Letters To The Editor
IT’S BOTH sad and amusing that many presumably learned people, including quite a number whose bread-and-butter is writing, continue to poke fun at the “major, major” response given by Philippine contestant Venus Raj in the Miss Universe finals is a gross grammatical or syntactical blunder.

May I invite these people—both those who mimic Raj with malice and those who simply tease her in good faith—to get hold of the 10th book of the world-renowned, record-breaking 16-volume “Left Behind” series (over 70 million copies sold), which is a fictionalized account of biblical prophecy and of the End Times. On page 233 of “The Remnant,” one of the major characters in the book refers to a “major, major problem,” by which the character simply means that the problem at hand is quite serious.

The authors of the series are internationally acclaimed writers of English books. Dr. Tim LaHaye is a highly regarded theological scholar, educator and author of more than 70 books, some of them certified bestsellers. His co-author, Jerry B. Jenkins, is one of America’s most respected novelists, many of whose 100+ books are in the all-time best-seller lists of the New York Times, USA Today and other top publications. Their “Left Behind” series has been hailed as the best work in fiction form on eschatology and Bible prophecy.

Venus Raj, take heart—you are in distinguished company.

—DR. CAESAR I. AGNIR,
Northern Christian College,
Laoag City


I think my brain just died a little bit there.

Left Behind is something I imagine would come up if The Bible's Revelation mated with Twilight after a night of heavy partying and drinking. The amazingly dragged 16-volume saga talks about life after the Rapture, a non-canon Christian event where the bodies of "good" people get sucked magically into heaven while the less holy ones get "Left Behind". The series reads like the fleshing out of the "you just wait and see" holier-than-thou bullshit attitude of uppity Christians everywhere, as told by a sixth grader. The premise is reminiscent of the apocalyptic "What to do when Y2k hits" books that seemed to be all over the bookstore during the late 90s, except for Left Behind, it's still around to annoy friends of fundamentalists who like to recommend books.

I can understand the letter author's intent on defending Venus Raj for a booboo she had last AUGUST, even though, you know, everybody, including Venus has already moved on. What I can't understand is why, for fucks sake, would anybody want to use a minor phrase mentioned colloquially in a particularly retarded book series to justify a phrase that's classified as colloquial. Never mind the fact that Left Behind is particularly well known for its shoddy writing. Anybody who reads Left Behind and thinks it's the best thing since sliced bread clearly needs to start reading more books - or pretty much just any other book that doesn't rely on provocative doomsaying instead of actual narrative pedigree.

It's almost as if one fine morning, the good doctor was finally getting to read The Remnant and like a lightning on a cloudless sky, he sees an occurrence of "major major" in actual PRINTED form and then BOOM! He's got it all figured out. Five months late.

And the world has to freaking know.