Bohol

So as I mentioned earlier, I went to our company team building last weekend held at Bohol. For non-Filipinos, expats, and geographically retarded people, it's an island just southwest of Cebu, in the middle of the region known as Visayas.

I did not openly say that I am going to Bohol beforehand because sudden detours might cause me to end up somewhere else (like, for example, the bottom of the ocean, if the airplane decides to join a stop-dance contest midair). If that had happened, we'd be talking about the finer points of dying while screaming at 30,000 feet. It didn't, so I'll talk about the wonderful island of Bohol instead.

Here are some things that I learned about Bohol on that trip:


- Contrary to my previous belief, Bohol's population is mainly comprised of normal Filipinos who aren't practicing cannibals. The main staple food of people there are Peanut Kisses (peanuts with lots of sugar coating) and bananas (which seem to be so abundant everywhere).


- On a particularly clear day, from Bohol's beaches, you can actually see the island of Australia. Very small, of course*. It's slightly to the right of the island of France.


- The chocolate hills are not edible. They will not fit into your pocket either. If you look at them hard enough though, you'd see lots of boobs (that are coloured elf-green)


- When it comes to natural resources, Bohol has the country's 3rd largest deposited amount of fully exploitable Korean Tourists, right next to Boracay and Malate - a resource which can be further refined into koreanovelas and/or Kimchi.


- Tarsiers are very lazy animals. Like any full-blooded Filipino, they go back to their open cages only because there's free food and free photo-ops.

- Dolpins are also abundant in Bohol. Their main source of recreation is to swim in groups and see how many gullible toads/humans they can bring out into the far side of the sea while making them seasick in the process. Bonus points for a dolphin who is able to lure a tourist far enough over the ledge of a boat to make him/her fall off (also known as a touchdown)

- Whistles on lifevests don't attract dolphins. They are, however, very effective tools to let other people in the boat know that you are mentally handicapped.

- For urine to actually work on people who step on Sea Urchin, it has to be applied on the area of the wound and not on other parts of the body, including the victim's face.


- Starfishes are cool creatures. They just sit on top of the bottom of the beach and don't do anything. At least not until you take them out and throw them like ninja stars (during which they become deadly weapons of mass isda-ction.

- I like puns.

Bohol is awesome. That is all. Have a nice day.

*+10 points for the movie assholes who got the Titanic movie reference here