Bottled Water

Bottled Water

So what's in a bottle of water? It's funny how they always put those nutritional facts table at the back of those things and say it's 100% pure water. I'm not sure if I got my sciences right but as far as I know, water doesn't have any nutritional value. It's just water, period. Why should I be surprise if the same idiots who placed those nutritional facts there start placing Expiry Dates on the bottle caps? What's next, instruction manuals for spoons?

And whoever gave out the idea that the recommended dosage of water is 8 glasses? Where did that number come from? I dont know about you but as a kid I had to go through water torture to gulp down that many glasses to get my daily allowance of water. It doesnt taste like anything and I'm not thirsty but I have to drink anyway? What the hell. Shouldn't my body tell me when I'm not getting enough water?

Anyway, thanks to modern science we now have more variations of water than we have gender types (though the latter is catching up quite quickly) so drinking water aint such a boring activity anymore. Now you get to have carbonized water, ionized/sports water, electrolyte water, soda water, distilled water and mineral water. And here's the deal: They have the same ink-waste nutrition facts table that have more zeroes than our president's Gross Income. Doesn't that mean they're still the same stuff that's made of one oxygen units and two hydrogen units? But whatever happened to just plain water? You know, like the type our ancestors started drinking some 3000 years before.

Can somebody tell me why we need mineral water? Its bottlers give us the shitburger of a lie that it gives the body much of the minerals that we need. Okay, we need minerals, true. But here's a fact that they leave out: minerals from water is not same as minerals that we can get from vegetables and fruits and meat. There's such a thing as organic minerals and salt minerals. Organic minerals come from living things and are much more easily absorbed by the body. Salt minerals, on the other hand, are immediately rejected by the body due to it's natural complexity and are moved out as piss. Mineral water is filled with this so called salt minerals. If you remember your highschool biology class well enough, too much of these salts can put pressure on your kidneystones and make you even unhealthier. Yahoo.

The basic purpose of water both externally and internally is to clean the body, period. There's no need to make it fancy and give it other functions. No need to add stuff to it to say it's healthier. And no, giving it flavour does not make it any "funner" or "purer" for that matter. If you really want flavoured water, get juice.

Speaking of flavoured water, what the hell is up with that C2 drink? It tastes like piss and sugar. Not that I've tasted piss before but I just cant think of any liquid I've tasted before that might taste close to it. And they say it's healthy too. Idiots, since when has anything with that much sugar become healthy? This just goes to show that people are just trendwhores who base taste on zero I.Q., lemming-like behaviour. They should change their slogan to something more truthful: "Six different tastes, one distinct flavour: BULLSHIT." or maybe "C2: Because You Like Paying For Sugarwater".

And who would have thought twenty years ago that we would be drinking water from bottles at a price that makes it more expensive than gasoline?

Kona Nigari is a seawater mineral concentrate you mix with regular water. You can buy some at the Key of Life store in the Royal Hawaiian Shopping Center in Honolulu. It comes from 2,000 feet down off the coast of Hawaii, and it's bottled by Hawaii Deep Marine.
Koyo's currently shipping 80,000 bottles a DAY to Japan.

The soaring, insatiable Japanese demand is based on a variety of health claims from bottlers, none of which have yet been medically proven.

Koyo's currently shipping 80,000 bottles a DAY to Japan.

-Reuters

2,144 US$ for a Gallon. And it's not even freshwater. Uhm seawater minerals? Can't I just use tablesalt if I want to get dehydrated from too much drinking anymore? You'd think, but yeah, Jet, this is a really stupid case. The water I'm buying is really cheap. Right. Do you math again and compare your small bottled water to how much gas you can fill in the same container. Badabing badaboom.

I'm sure the person first said "We're going to be drinking water out of bottles 20 years from now" back then would have been laughed at. Maybe I should say "10 years from now, we'll be getting our air out of bottles too." and have you laugh at me as well.

Get the trend?

From the age of computers where everything is computerized we unwittingly step into a new era of the age of bottles where everything and everything is bottled. Cool. I'm sure even writer Jules Verne who predicted the submarine, the horseless carriage, and the vegas stripclub signs didn't see that coming. Not even Nostradamus. It just proves one thing. Human irrationality is about as predictable as Melanie Marquez in a State of the Nation speech*.

"Water? Never touch the stuff! Fish fuck in it!" - WC Fields

Damn I'm thirsty.

*Not that she'll ever be the president of anything, but who knows?

June 14, 2006