Toilet Talk

Why do girls go to the comfort room in groups? Is it that hard to urinate as a female? I thought that as guys, having an extra appendage that needs aiming makes it harder for us to answer the call of nature without turning the comfort room into a wasteland in the most literal sense.

But noooo.

Why do they have to use the little girl's room in groups? Will urinating in groups make it easier? You're doing it sitting down, surrounded by four sides of the cubicle. How hard can that be? We do it standing, wary of another guy beside us who could be eyeing our package for more than just the sake of comparison, and all the while trying to avoid getting hit by stray "bullets" at the same time. Every visit to the CR is like a pageant where the biggest you-know-what wins, with a potential assassin lurking just 'round the corner. That's hard enough to be a movie plot.

Could it be that there's a bouncer inside every girl's lavatory that routinely checks its users? I can almost imagine it.

CR Bouncer: Excuse me miss, can I ask a few questions before you can use this CR?
Girl: Sure, make it quick.
CR Bouncer: Are you with anybody?
Girl: No.
CR Bouncer: Sorry ma'am, we have a minimum group bodycount here. You have to turn back.
Girl: *doomed to a wet-my-pants scenario*

Man, and I thought I'm already lucky as a guy!

Okay, okay, I'm not as ignorant as I sound. When girls go for the CR, it's like a conspiracy materializing. The female comfort room is like the War Room of the Pentagon. (How do I know? I have carefully implanted moles within your ranks! Wahahaha a double agent in your midst!)

That means, for all you uninitiated guys out there, if all girls in your table in a group gimik suddenly head for the CR, there's a good chance they're talking about you and the rest of the guys the same way you used to talk about trading basketball cards when you were younger - which one goes to who, the comparative value of each piece and which ones are "damaged" and should be used for bookmarks and bargain sales.

Now to be fair, if all the guys suddenly left the table and "headed for the cr" all of a sudden, that means you should get new dates - like more masculine ones, because real men hold it in till the last possible moment and a group of guys having to go at the same time had the same chances of seeing an anatomically correct banana.

That's just gay but dont worry, it wont happen that often Hopefully, never, because there will always be that one guy who stays because he likes to steal all the eggs when the roosters are gone. You will know him by the stare other guy friends give him everytime they have to go leave the table to get something (like something to kill that guy with).

It's very interesting to note though that there was once a study conducted in our university by sociologists about the unusually deviant behaviour of men located in our college (College of Computer Science) to routinely urinate in groups. In groups as in:

Guy #1: Ten minute break till the next subject. I think I'm gonna go to the boy's room.
Guy #2: Sama ako.
Guy #3: Pasabay na rin.

Before you know it, it's the girls waiting inside the classroom and not the other way around like in real life scenarios.

Strangely enough, this doesnt happen in other colleges in our university. You'd think it's a gay phenomenon but it's not. It's one of those things that you just can explain - like why other cars behind stopped cars in front of a red light keep on crawling towards the next car as though it's going to make the red light go green faster.

Here's another thought. Why do people keep on calling comfort rooms and lavatories "bathrooms"? Has anybody tried taking a bath inside one of those things? Horrible, I tell you. Comfort rooms shouldn't be bathrooms - period. Know the distinction, if just for the sake of basic sanitation.

To close this post, I have yet another pseudomystery to present. I haven't asked anybody from the opposite sex yet but this happens a lot to guys. When we take a leak, there's a moderate chance that we'll shiver involuntarily. Why does that happen?

*shiver* Please excuse me.