Scam Mails

Scam Mails

I got this mail the other day. It came from a certain Robert Mark from Cote d'Ivoire.

Dear Respected One,

Greetings to you. I am Robert Mark, a registered legal practitioner and national of Ivory Coast. I have access to some legal and confidential information concerning a late Mr. Mike T. Azreal a resident investor here who recently passed away. I handled some legal briefs for him concerning a deposit of valuables and cash he made with a deposit company here. Owing to the demise of my client and by virtue of my relationship with him, I have decided to use all the resources within my power to retrieve the deposit, since my client died intestate. Until this time I, the solicitors, have been trying to determine the whereabouts of any of the relatives who will assume the responsibility of safe guarding the estate of the deceased.

It is not my will to see the above matter treated that way hence I conducted a search that will assist me in first and foremost fighting for the safety of the consignment and all that is contained therein.I am very much aware of my client's last dealings with the deposit firm and I have the singular privilege of being in possession of some of the signed agreement papers. I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the money and property left behind by my client because If a relative is not found within six weeks then the Public Trustee will seize the entire estate of my late client, a substantial windfall for both the government and the deposit company.

I look forward to your cooperation and your extreme discretion in this matter. Until such time as this matter is settled, I will continue to work with you to see that the deposit is retrieved and forwarded in your name as a bona fide proxy to my late client. We shall within the course of the next few days plan and execute how best to pursue this mutual matter with a view to cost effectiveness, I have all the necessary legal documents that will be used to back up any claim we may make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law. Please get in touch with me by email to enable us discuss further.

Yours sincerely

Robert
Mark.

Mark Chambers
Justice. Avocats Et Avocats-Conseils.
Lot, 2743 ,Cocody
Abidjan,Cote d'Ivoire

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Checked the company, not registered with the Heiros Gamos (a worldwide registry of Law Firms). ICOR (registry office of the Ivory Coast) lists at least twenty Mark Chambers' in the country. The letter is surprisingly well-written and the terminologies he used are unusually apt at least for a suspected scam email.

Now normally I would play along until the last minute, however, what ticked me off is that this mail came in with a formatting as though somebody wrote it in notepad with wordwrap turned on and then copy pasted it into the email client without turning it back off. Anybody who's worked with word processors long enough knows what that looks like (for the sake of good imagery I reformatted the email as you see it in this post).

Nevermind that you'll be misreprestenting a dead person and that you'll be laundering off money to the Philippines, that has a newly intensified anti-laundering act. This guy says "I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of law. Please get in touch with me by email to enable us discuss further." That's basically like a Jesus Christ impostor saying he'll do a lazarus on you if you have enough faith to kill yourself.

Woot and gold for me. Robert is about as suspicious as that freaky guy by the meat section of the supermarket offering free taste samples on toothpicks. Anyway, since it's a bad habit to never reply to a formal correspondence, I did what he told me to do, but I took the step further as a bonafide proxy to the deceased.

Here's my reply:

Dear Anonymous One,

I am not dead. Stop giving my money to strangers.

P.S. You're fired, tool.

Lovelots,
Mr. Mike T. Azreal
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What a waste of webspace and usage of common sense.

June 13, 2006