Chris Benoit Is Dead

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

I was halfway done writing today's article when I heard the news. Looks like Chris Benoit died no more than a day ago, with initial reports of the possiblity of suicide. Before taking out his own life, Chris apparently killed his wife and child too. Of course it's too early to be sure - but that's what the rumormills are sending out. And no, I don't think it was because of The Undertaker.

He doesn't roll that way.

Owen is dead. Then Eddie Guerrero. Then Chris Benoit. Why is it that the better wrestlers are the ones to die first? Why are the Hardy Boys still walking around? I can only think of one thing: They're being pirated one by one by some new wrestling entertainment group being formed in heaven - and they're in bad need of new wrestling material.

St. Peter: So how are the preparations for the next match?
St. Michael: We got the go signal from the Big Guy.
St. Peter: And the safety nets? Last time somebody got thrown off the ring he had to spend 30 years on earth before he died, got back up and returned.
St. Michael: That was some match eh?
St. Peter: ... I bet Stone Tablets Warrior would win. Who would've thought?
St. Michael: *sweat*
St. Peter: Just make sure the nets are there, Mike or you'll be joining Old Nick for a grudge match.
St. Michael: Oh yeah, we still lack one more wrestler. Eddie Guerrero doesnt have an opponent for his match yet.
St. Peter: What about that Rick Flair guy?
St. Michael: He's still alive, Sir. Actually he's already late for our appointment.
St. Peter: Ah crap. That guy doesnt know when to call it quits.
St. Michael: What about Chris?
St. Peter: Chris Benoit? Hmmm...

So yeah. Here's to you Chris. Show the guys up there, in that big Pay-Per-View in the sky, what a Crippler Crossface means. Also, play it safe - bring a steel chair along.

And no, I was just kidding about Rick Flair. He should go living for as long as he can. Kids need entertainment.

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