SHREVEPORT, Louisiana (AP) -- A female chimpanzee at a sanctuary has given birth, despite the fact that the facility's entire male chimp population has had vasectomies.

Now managers at Chimp Haven are planning a paternity test for the seven males who lived in a group with Teresa, a wild-born chimpanzee in her late 40s who had the baby girl last week.

Workers have started collecting hair samples from the chimps for testing. Once they identify the father, it's back to the operating room for him.

Chimp Haven managers said they knew something was up when Teresa was missing during morning rounds on January 8. Later in the day, she appeared with a newborn chimpanzee in her arms.

"Well, we were all just a little bit surprised when we heard the news," said Linda Brent, a spokeswoman for Chimp Haven.

The baby chimpanzee was named Tracy and she and her mother are doing fine, Brent said.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/science/01/17/pregnant.chimp.ap/index.html

• I say before testing the monkeys, start giving paternity tests to the zookeepers. That oughta keep them on their toes. I can imagine their anxious faces waiting for the DNA test results. Not that they think they accidentally boned and impregnated a hulking gorilla, but because they might be working with somebody who fancies exotic sex. A maniac with a strange fetish can't be good in the workplace I think - unless the maniac's a she. And her name happens to be Carmen Electra - in which case a gorilla impregnation will still be sick, but it'd be tolerably sick. The type you'd recover from and reap benefits later on.

• I may or may not have gone a bit too far with that last line.

• This would also be a good opportunity to dress up like a doctor and play pranks like "Contratulations STEVE! You're now a father!" on those poor zookeepers. The unlucky bastard would probably think of a thousand reasons how it could've been possible. And then maybe after a few years when the gorilla babies have grown up and the man realizes they look nothign like him, you can tell him you were just joking and that he doesnt have to give them child support. You guys will probably have a good laugh at the local tavern. But then again if he does look like the baby...

• Or, maybe nobody's the father. Like you know, leave it to the monkeys that virgin birth is indeed possible. Score one for the fundamentalists.

• Some days, you just look at the news and chuckle. Other days you get less serious news like these.