Then there are those shows that are just plain cool. Like for example, if I watch Captain Power now, I'd still think it's kickass.
Transformers sits somewhere between between oldschool glory and just plain WTF. The reason? Because unlike other shows it's still evolving. And it's sad to say it's not evolving for the better.
Here's the original Megatron as he appeared in the package art of the first generation toy version:
As you can see, he's a literal icon of manhood. He is a Phallic Symbol. A symbol of power, control - depicted by an image of the penis. A stainless silver one at that. Just so you know why a lot of guys are obsessed with their penis size nowadays, that's because they grew up looking up to characters like Megatron, whose decepticon brand of sodomy is probably worse than his bite. (one look at the face of Bumble Bee everytime he gets captured every other episode and you know he's not enjoying it)
Then came the Beast Wars. I don't know what hollywood was thinking when they thought it'd be really cool to convert a transforming GUN into a transforming PURPLE FUCKING DINOSAUR. We already have the Dinobots. I don't see why we had to go through with this shit again. I thought we were through with grimlock's shitty debut already. Was it the ratings of Barney you retarded sausagestuffers?! Nobody wants to see robots transforming into nonexistent, gay coloured animals. From Phallic Symbol to "Me Licks Your Balls". That's one helluva transformation even for a transformer. If they were human, we'd call the metamorphosis "coming out of the closet".
After being barraged by lots of complaints (I didnt research this, Im just assuming it'd be in basic human nature to contest attrocities like this) they tried to transform megatron again. By transform I mean further degrade.
Yes, they turned him into a fucking alligator. An alligator? When was the last time you heard somebody get killed by an alligator? In Africa, more people are killed by hippoppotami than alligators, and crocodiles combined. Volkswagens kill more people than alligators. That means at this point, the suckiest Transformer, Bumblebee steamed past this piece of shit. And that's about as shitty as this gets.
Realizing that the Beast Wars is just plain cockery and nobody wants to see it anymore, they returned to the originals in Transformers, Cybertron, plus a few changes of course, because they just cant sit their asses without ruining a perfectly good formula. Look at the 2006 version of Megatron:
NICE JOB MAKING HIM STUCK IN THE 70's YOU TIMERETARDED DIPSTICKS! What kind of evil robot leader would want to get caught wearing disco-fucking-pants in the 21st century? And what the fuck is up with those green wings? Megatron: King of Fairies. Yeah, I bet that'd fit a villain's role. If there's a villain convention every year, I bet he'd be the villain nobody wants to hang around. Shredder with his purple cloak will walk past him and say "Man, that's some fucked up bad guy."
TRANSFORMERS IS TURNING FROM PURE WIN TO JUST PLAIN GAY.
And I know who's to blame.
It's those aliens!
It's a fucking conspiracy. The aliens want all human children to turn gay so nobody will want to fight back when they start invading- and they'll get free manicures for life. I will not go quietly into the night - and it seems I am not alone. Here's the latest incarnation of the symbol of manhood that is Megatron, as stolen from the archives of the upcoming Transformers Movie
(To be voiced by Samuel "Mutherfucking Autobotz on My Motherfuckin Cybertron" Jackson. Well not really, it'd just be better if that were the case.)
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