10 Ways To Ditch A Date (for women)

(alternative title: How to end a date while looking like the perfect bitch from hell)

Because here in Public Static, I want to be as equally discriminating as possible, I've decided to write something ladies can use for a change. Here is the top ten ways I can think of to blast your date back to the primeval ooze he crawled out of:

10 - I'd like to take you out, but the way I'm thinking it, I'm not carrying enough bullets.

9 - My dog called. He says he doesnt want any more pussies inside the house.

8 - If I turn you down will I be liable to the Cruelty To Animals act?

7 - Does your face hurt? It's killing me...

6 - Thanks for the date. The image of your face will help me control my appetite for my diet.

5 - I swear, when they said all your good qualities I didn't catch the hint of sarcasm.

4 -Have you considered Priesthood as a vocation?

3 -I expect more from a carrot so quite frankly, I'm not disappointed.

2 - I'll call you when I'm free - free to commit homicide and get away with it.

And the top 1 is:

1- You made me turn into a lesbian. Thanks.