Terror Camps

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Ever since Sept. 11, 2001 lots of terms have popped out of the boobtube - buzzwords like terrorist networks, terror cells, extremist manifestos and more terror merchandise than the Olsen Twins' combined.

One particular term that got me thinking though is the term "Terror Camp".

What the hell is a "Terror Camp"? Is being fearsome so hard to do now in a society that pays the cinemas to get scared, where it's normal to look ugly straight in the eye and say "wow man, nice emo glasses" without flinching? Is the situation that bad for people to actually have to earn a bachelors degree just to be able to inflict fear on others?

If ever there is indeed one, and I'm for the say of argument, part of it, I'd feel being certified for stupidity. And that's NOT going to look good in my curriculum vitae.

And why are Terror Camps in the middle of the fucking desert with nothing but mudhuts and where it's always daylight? The scariest thing you can find there is a camel in heat with no mate in sight. What's so terrorizing about that? I think a better terror camp would be inside an old cobwebby castle somewhere in Transylvania. Because, shit, if somebody told me he's from Transylvania, freaking me out would be so much easier.

And have you seen these camps whenever theyre being televised? It's always one of two things. People standing out in the sun screaming incoherent shit (cant blame them, I'd scream like a jungle man too if you force me out in the heat) or people climbing jungle gyms like it's always recess. Where are the classrooms? You'd think they'd have at least decent facilities. No, theyre just out in the sun. I'm no expert in education but I think being baked dry under the sun while trying to learn shit isn't going to be effective.

I can imagine a terror camp like any other school, except with a more fear-centered learning system. Like, for example, there'd be metal detectors in the entrance gates of the schools - the same ones they have in the ghetto skoolz of the US of A, except that if they see you dont have any gum and guns, school admin will actually give you some (or ask your parents to buy them for you) for safety. Because remember kids, you're no safer in a school that outlaws and confiscates guns if one schmuck security guy let pass a crazy white kid with a rifle. Better be prepared - pack your own heat.

Then you go to class. Oh shit. The class. I can almost imagine how it'll go if some guy with common sense enters the place.

Teacher: Okay, children. Today we will be reviewing the topic "Blowing yourself up in with semtex to die a martyr and have sex with seventy virgins in heaven."

Billy: What's a virgin?

Teacher: *looks around* We'll be saving that for another day. Anyway, where do we strap the explosives again?

Billy: To our abdomen!

Mark: What the fuck. Why the fuck do you have to do that?

Teacher: Oh yeah, class, I'd like to introduce you to Mark, he's from the Philippines and he's new. Also he doesn't have a moustache so treat him like a special kid.

Mark: I'm just seven.

*long silence*

Teacher: *cough*freak*cough* Now back to the topic. Right, you are Billy! We use our abdomen.

Mark: I don't get it. Why don't we just leave the bomb someplace so we can live to see another day?

Billy: By Osama, he IS special.

Teacher: Sigh. Mark, that kind of thinking is dangerous. It's going to get people killed.

Mark: (isn't that what we're trying to do?) Now I don't know what's richer around here. Oil deposits or stupidity.

Teacher: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. If you don't put the bomb in your chest or abdomen, how do you think will the bomb get to the destination? Maybe we can make bombs that can walk! Hahahahahaha!

Mark: Or you can just carry it to wherever you want it to explode and leave it there.
*long silence*

Teacher: You're an infidel.

Mark: And you're retarded.

How the hard the fuck is it to be criminal? We have people ending up going to jail without them even realizing what theyre doing. Why the hell do we have to train for something as simply accidental as having babies?

What's worse is that they can't even get their shit right. There's a reason why bombs have timers idiots! It's so that you dont die with the explosion! I think we're all being bin laddened by stupid here.

The reason why terrorism is not effective is that we're employing the dumbest teaching techniques. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but one thing is for certain - even bad guys aren't excempted from dealing with dimwits.

Random Quotes:
Anna, if you keep on trying to become like others, how is your prince charming supposed to distinguish you from the crowd?

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