Big Brother Africa

So I was watching Big Brother Africa the other day. Have you heard the voice of Big Brother there? Three words: Voice of Doom. Let's just say if Aladdin went inside, he'd think he'd be in the Cave of Wonders again. Our own Big Brother aint got shit on the African BB. Every time he speaks, I half expect the house to collapse like a temple upon uttering words like "HOUSEMATES, YOU HAVE INCURRED THE WRATH OF KATAMETAFUTERMET! PREPARE FOR YOUR DOOM!"

Anyway it's kind of weird seeing so many black people and just one white housemate. It's almost the opposite of a typical white American movie, where there's always just one black dude in the entire movie and he's always slated to die after a couple of whiteys bite the chip. I take it that white girl won't last very long inside the house (by the way, does she represent relief workers in Africa?)

Watching the actual show kinda shattered many preconceptions I had about the show. I was thinking Big Brother Africa would be really different, like nobody really gets evicted, they just die of AIDS after a while. With 20% of AIDS incidence in the continent, you might as well count 5 housemates, one of them has AIDS and by the time elimination begins, a large majority would have been infected as well and the audience would just have to wait who dies when. (and you'd think how. just watch the first episode and see breast fondling 15 min after entering the house.)

And then there's the food. My preconception was that Africans are still largely into hunting, and to foster this, they'd have no kitchen in the house. Every night, Big Brother will just leave an animal in the back yard and turn the cameras off for 15 minutes. The housemates kinda just have to free for all. Whatever happens happens. Well that never happened. Actually, it was almost quite the opposite.

Big Brother's first directive in the show was to "promote" a healthy lifestyle by banning meat from inside the house. 15 Africans inside a house and you don't give them meat.

ARE YOU RETARDED?

Africa is the only continent where cannibalism is still freely practiced. And you're depriving them of MEAT? Am I the only one thinking there's something seriously wrong in that picture? That craving for meat aint gonna go anywhere.

I'd rather not see man-meat casserole feasts on my TV. No thanks. Suddenly having to put up with goofs with really bland jokes in our own version of Big Brother doesn't look so bad.

Relatively anyway.