So here's the situation. A friend of yours got caught by a policeman for beating the red light (or his wife), or is heartbroken, or maybe his dog died, or maybe he got hit by a truck and lived (barely) to tell about it. You're sitting in front of him face to face (or what's left of it) and you gotta say words of wisdom and encouragement. But what do you say that doesn't offend him, and make you sound hypocritical at the same time? Toughie huh?
Here's what you do. Put your hands on his shoulder, look at him in the eye and then whip out a stick of gum. Speak the truest words ever spoken:
Times like this you need Juicy Fruit Gum. Softer. Juicier. Mas Mali-nahm-nahm.
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