Notice to The Public

As of June 30th 2007, Jesus Velasquez (left) is no longer connected with Public Static Incorporated. Any transaction done with this man will no longer be recognized by PS Inc.

Actually, he was never connected to this site. I'm not even sure if his name is Jesus Velasquez. It's probably not his name. I've never seen that man in my entire life and chances are I'll never see him.

In any case, I won't be around for the next five days due to a road trip. For the mean time, I'd like you to contemplate which distant family relative of yours looks like this man the most.

Next, think why Jesus Velasquez would suit your relative. If possible, conduct an experiment whether or not he'll respond to that name.

And no, I'm not really sure what I'm talking about right now. See you around.

Regarding Ragnaboards

[warning: serious post. if you want something entertaining come back tomorrow, or go to a beerhouse. If you don't know what Ragnaboards is, google it or come back tomorrow. If you hate long posts, come back tomorrow.]

Now that things have cooled down, I think it's my turn to discuss the issue concerning the axing of community moderators of Ragnaboards Online. For those of you who still don't get it, you can return your jaw to the shut position. Yes, I was a moderator of Ragnaboards, and yes I belong to the group that got axed. I need not tell the username I was using. If you still haven't figured it out by now, you never will. Go switch off your PC and eat your videocard (ask a technician to show where it is).

First, I'll admit that I have, in fact, been somewhat selective on the sections I have been patrolling for the past few months. While I respond to the moderator reports, I rarely do manual inspections because:

a) it's a waste of time and
b) I don't like Gestapo mods.

As a result, my actions per day have been much lower than when I was more active (from Dec 2005 to Feb 2007) . There are many other reasons for this but I feel no need to enumerate them now.

Next, the official reason for us getting axed was that we were inactive. By we, that includes people who haven't logged in for more than 2 months, mods who haven't logged in for more than 3 months - and me, whose last login just before I got removed was 20 minutes before. As for community temperature reports, as I remember a majority of the moderators have already stopped submitting those reports since change of management.

Next. Yes, it is true that I have been lenient with a lot of things that could've been sanctioned using the rules of RB. Last meeting we had was Christmas of 2006 and as I remember then we had a strong directive from the new management to avoid "policing" Ragnaboards because that's what's driving people away from the community. By "policing" I mean treating every bit of infraction in a bureaucratic way or in simpler terms, being ban-happy. Free expression and strict rules aren't exactly the best of friends.

Next. Ragnaboards is not the first board I've modded for through the years and I have always been lenient about moderating. I will never equate moderating a board to acting like some figure of justice. That's:

a) childish
b) STUPID

First, there is no need for justice in a messageboard. Justice is required for oppressed people. Only stupid people get oppressed online because for one, you're hidden behind a virtual name - you can just change that name and you're practically a new person. Oppression is an option because of this. Next, enforcement of the so called justice is stupid because retribution is very limited and again, changing virtual identities makes it very easy to bypass.

If you think banning people could change people's personalities and you can change the world by deleting accounts of evil-doers, you got a lot of growing up to do.

And that's the primary reason why I look like I let things "slip". To some extent, the last order of the new management was in line with my policy.

I'd like to note now that I do maintain several grave offenses that should be penalized. Advertisment, blatant violations of morality and malicious exploitation of the site's features can be restricted, if not prevented, by moderator action. These things, I act on. Also, threads that are deemed conducive of unhealthy discussions are acted upon by me.

As a moderator, my only goal is to ensure that a healthy flow of discussion is maintained. Any other "greater' objectives besides this, I consider childish and impractical. I've long since distinguished the job of a mod from the job of superman. The latter requires you to wear underwear outdoors and save people. The former requires you to , wait for it, moderate!

Next. There have been issues before regarding me protecting people. This is because I use the philosophy above as my method to exact penalties on the board. I'm not choosing people. I'm lenient with everybody. A simple check on my banlist shows the only people I really ban are those who are hellbent in violating the rules and are often existing just for the sake of violating rules.

Posters who ask me to ban people because they're being teased fall to deaf ears because my priority is not the poster but the posts. If it's on topic, it's okay. Go cry a river.

Next. There have been rumors that my axing was caused by this issue. I have come to believe it's partially true, at least from my deduction. Here's what happened from my point of view (Let me emphasize that this could be false in some parts but it's as clear as it gets).

1. A mod got into an argument about my "favoritism".
2. This mod talks to other mods about my case.
3. Another mod hears of the issue and talks to the former community manager.
4. Being totally oblivious of the matter and hearing only one side of the case, ex community manager nods to the mod and finds an excuse to ax the group in my inactivity. (proof? I've been in this state of inactivity since Feb. I got axed three days after the whole mod debate affair)

So while the original mod who had qualms about me did not exactly directly have me removed, it was through the course of events subsequent to this incident that I got kicked. I don't really feel the need to throw blames, what's happened has happened.

So now what? Following the removal of at least 6 moderators, half of which have been active at least a week before the axing, another senior mod quit. Now there's even fewer moderators moderating and the new replacements aren't even being picked. The manpower problem just became worse.

Let me just say this on a purely objective basis. This sort of management is stupid if not downright retarded. You don't sink your ship before you transfer to a new one, Captain Clueless.

As for my moderatorship, I don't really care what happens to it. I will not reapply but I won't mind getting reinstated. Shit happens, but thank God we have a flush.

So there. Now stop asking me questions.

On and yeah, if this post is violating the T&C of my modship, fuck the T&C. You guys weren't following the preagreed conditions either - and you broke the contract first.

From A Letter That Never Got Sent

A reading from the letters of Jet to whoever got that letter.

And you will live to your oldest years, with the man of your dreams,

in state of bliss.

And you'll be be happy, not always but often.

Every day will be a miracle past this day and you should be thankful for it.

I, on the other hand will be gone from the picture, never to intrude in your path.

No trace of me shall remain, only fragments of memory -

and that one lingering question in your mind

whose answer you will forever be in wonder about:

"If his shoe size is really size 13, then ..."

----------------
(And they're still asking why Ronald McDonald is always smiling. clue: those pants arent padded and those arent clown shoes.)

Tractor Showdown

Words cannot begin to describe this action scene from a bollywood movie. It actually took longer than the movie clip for my brain to process what I was seeing. It felt like being punched in the face so fast, the pain wouldn't register anymore and what's left is just pure awesomeness.

I don't know where to start to explain why this clip is saw awesome. Is it the fact that hero actually used a tractor instead of a car? Is it the idea that gangs thought it smart to one-up the hero by using tractors as well? Or maybe it was the scene where the henchmen just stood there to wait for their turn to get soiled by a 10km per hour vehicle that was going in circles? Is it the jumping tractor?

One cannot be sure.

This movie breaks the mold so earth-shatteringly, I even have the blast wounds to prove it. I heareby revoke every bad thing I have said about shitty bollywood movies.

And by revoke, I mean reaffirm.

ANG GALING MO, BERNARDO BERNARDO!

Attention: Fans of Combatron

To anybody who still has copies of old Funny Komiks issues containing Combatron Episodes, I am planning to put up an online archive and would like to ask for your help in completing the entire Combatron saga. If you can provide me with scans or actual copies I can borrow for a while (so I can scan them) I'd be very happy.

Please PM me on my YM messenger: NEFASTURIS. I am online during officehours and during certain hours of the night. We can talk about arrangements.

Be a part of an effort to conserve the dying legend. We need to revive Combatron for great justice.

Would you really want your kid to grow up in an environment where the only choice as example for the definition of superhero is Jose Rizal and that beady-eyed japanese from NBC's Heroes?

Your help matters.

Chris Benoit Is Dead

I was halfway done writing today's article when I heard the news. Looks like Chris Benoit died no more than a day ago, with initial reports of the possiblity of suicide. Before taking out his own life, Chris apparently killed his wife and child too. Of course it's too early to be sure - but that's what the rumormills are sending out. And no, I don't think it was because of The Undertaker.

He doesn't roll that way.

Owen is dead. Then Eddie Guerrero. Then Chris Benoit. Why is it that the better wrestlers are the ones to die first? Why are the Hardy Boys still walking around? I can only think of one thing: They're being pirated one by one by some new wrestling entertainment group being formed in heaven - and they're in bad need of new wrestling material.

St. Peter: So how are the preparations for the next match?
St. Michael: We got the go signal from the Big Guy.
St. Peter: And the safety nets? Last time somebody got thrown off the ring he had to spend 30 years on earth before he died, got back up and returned.
St. Michael: That was some match eh?
St. Peter: ... I bet Stone Tablets Warrior would win. Who would've thought?
St. Michael: *sweat*
St. Peter: Just make sure the nets are there, Mike or you'll be joining Old Nick for a grudge match.
St. Michael: Oh yeah, we still lack one more wrestler. Eddie Guerrero doesnt have an opponent for his match yet.
St. Peter: What about that Rick Flair guy?
St. Michael: He's still alive, Sir. Actually he's already late for our appointment.
St. Peter: Ah crap. That guy doesnt know when to call it quits.
St. Michael: What about Chris?
St. Peter: Chris Benoit? Hmmm...

So yeah. Here's to you Chris. Show the guys up there, in that big Pay-Per-View in the sky, what a Crippler Crossface means. Also, play it safe - bring a steel chair along.


And no, I was just kidding about Rick Flair. He should go living for as long as he can. Kids need entertainment.

SNES + ADDICTION = SPEED

Today, a friend of mine helped me install an emulator so I can go play Super Nintendo games on my Nintendo DS portable gaming device. It's amazing how something so small can now do what a device the size of two shoeboxes requiring constant 220 voltage and a television set can do more than 10 years ago. (pretty much like how small kids nowadays can now smoke what hippies used to smoke)

In case you don't remember, Super Nintendo (SNES) is that gray and white gaming console that came out a few years after the red and white family computer reached its peak. I think family computer died when it reached the 10 Gazillion Games in one cartridge point and people said "FUCK I CANT PLAY ALL THESE GAMES!"

Anyway, I suddenly remembered how badly I wanted an SNES back then. At that time, (middle gradeschool years) the only way I could play with an SNES was to go to an SNES rental shop. OH HO.

And yes, I was forbidden to go to those kinds of places. I knew I shouldnt be caught going there. Reasons? Well two.

a) There's a house policy that you can only play computer games during: Christmas vaction, summer vacation, and right after the quarterly final exams.

b) I already got caught many many times. Each time made my buttocks so blue, if you saw me buttnaked after a punishment session you'd think I was wearing skinny jeans. First time I got caught, I was only six.

But I played anyway.

True, I may have sounded like a heroin addict desperate to get a fix but at the time, it all sounded rational to me. My grades werent really bad, I knew I could maintain my position in the pilot section, and for what it's worth, a couple of lines of seven in the grade card isnt so bad (to me at least).

And as I remember things, the wanting to play the SNES actually did something very important for me. Case in point? Hear me out.

In our gradeschool/highschool, final exams are usually conducted during the morning. From 730AM to a little before lunchtime, we're to take the final exams of 4-5 subjects per day. Normal, right?

What makes our system special is that all subjects are taken in succession and time limit is at the discretion of the student. In other words, you take a subject's exam, finish answering it, submit it to the teacher, get the next subject, finish it and then proceed to the next one until you're done.

This way, it is possible for you to focus to subjects where youre having a harder time while shaving off time from easier subjects.

It is also possible to fuck up so badly that you end up spending all your time on one exam with little or no time to answer the rest of the final exams- which happened to many a foolish student - but that's for another day's tale.

One good aspect of this system is that if you can, at least theoretically, finish all tests as fast as you can - it is possible to leave earlier.

As I have earlier pointed out, one of the times I can actually play legally is right after a final exam...

You can probably get now where this is going.

That's right.

To maximize my SNES playing bliss, I felt I had to finish the exams as fast as I could - but I had to be sure enough with my answers so I didn't get any failing grades that would end me up getting grounded.

Speed and precision is the name of the game.

Answering exams quickly was what I did and did good. As I remember it, I held the record for being the fastest test taker (who didn't end up with failing marks) in our class from our gradeschool years, and I stood by that feat until I finished college. Yes, there were other guys who sometimes answered faster than me but the quality of work is almost always incomparable.
Even now, whenever I meet my old teachers, they'd would identify me as "that motherfucker who was always too eager to finish exams quickly".

That's probably why even through my college years I never really found myself out of time while taking any exam - because I've conditioned myself that there's an SNES game session at the end of every test.

While it's true that studying should be a reward in itself, the thought of a reward at the end can make things a lot easier - and for this case, faster.

All for the love of the (video) game.

Death Note 37

So it's come to this. Death Note 37. The last episode of Death Note. For the record, I did not read the manga or watch the movie so I'm at a state of stress right now. Part of me is wishing a certain dead person to come alive, turn into a zombie, and eat everybody just for the sake of dramatic ending. I actually thought 36 was the last episode so seeing it end at the climactic part almost made me scream (bad since I was watching at the office)

Here's a preview of Death Note's last episode, Death Note 37, entitled "New World"


Rumor has it a spinoff concerning the BB case will be made too. I'll probably be watching that as well. Bah. There better be no "death eraser" in it because goddamn, it'd be cheesier than dragonball.

Update: Death Note 37 is almost there. I cant wait to download Death Note 37 and see for myself how theyre going to somehow get the dragonballs involved.

Too Retarded for Literature? Try Haiku.

Alternative title: Non-Japanese Haiku is shit stupid.

Here's one way to keep me away from reading your private stuff: write them in Haiku format (5-7-5 syllables in three lines respectively). I'll avoid it like STD. No information is important enough that I'd risk my sense of taste by reading the shittiest of poetry.

I was browsing through PinoyExchange Lit forum again today (as you might recall this was the same section where I got into mental fisticuffs with some ex-Malate Folio sheep). There was a thread there about Haikus.

I think part of me died while reading that thread. I have one word: artistry. That's what the works there could possibly not have. Please attend my partial funeral to be announced soon.

But first things first. I am not against poetry. I have read several good poems in my lifetime and by several I mean a very select few. Metered poetry that follows rules (and granted, a restrictive, artistic violation of certain rules) can be beautiful. Wit and tact in the content is always a good thing.

Unfortunately 95% of poetry posted online are ruining it for the remaining 5%. It's like digging a septic tank for gold dust. "Measure, wit, tact, restrictive and artistic" are words you'll never be using to describe the shit mountain that's majority of poetry.

And then there's Haiku.

Haiku is the special olympics of poetry. Even retards can get good at it. I'm not generalizing though. A gleaming majority can still suck at it and they avail of that right to suckerage most of the time.

Anybody can
Write Haikus you just have to
stop at the sevent -

It has three rules.

Haiku should be about nature.
Haiku should have a measure of 5-7-5.
Haiku should be written by somebody does not breath through his mouth.

Apparently, only the second rule applies now. Here's an actual reply to my simple query:

Red: What's the use of form rules when they get broken all too often anyway?

Pexer: Yes, they are. But aren't we allowed to break some rules? At least that's what I think. And I don't want to be too traditional.

Motherfucker, there are only 3 rules. You broke 2 of them! If nobody is following anything anymore you might as well stop using "Haiku" to label your shitty work.

I say leave Haiku to the Japanese. Nihonggo is a language where a single character accounts for a single syllable with multiple meanings which in turn makes the form both aesthetically sound and literally deep. English or Filipino is anything but fit for this purpose.

It's not so hard to think about it. If you have nothing good to say - shut up. If your poetry has no good contents and is aimlessly written by using syllable count whose purpose you dont even understand, don't write, period.

Some people.

Exceptionally Bad Album Covers (part 2)

It took me longer to recuperate from my post two days ago. The images, how they haunt me. Anyway, we might as well get to the second part of our feature.

Freddie Gage: All My Friends Are Dead

Long before Simple Plan started whining about their fathers or Panic At The Disco started ranting about having penises attached to their bodies at birth, there was Freddie Gage.

This is yet another textbook example of how shitty artists employ the element of pity to get people to buy their shit. The album title is something I'd less expect from a recording and more from the signage of a street beggar.



The Ministers Quartet - Let Me Touch Him

Four men asking to touch another man. The idea is wrong in so many levels, I'm not even sure how the producers missed the subtle pederastic context of the whole cover.

Ok ok, so maybe the idea of religious worship is there. Maybe if they didn't fucking make the word "minister" so damn small it would be much easier to tell they're trying to pray and not trying to perform homosexual advances.



As Mais Belas Histórias - O velho, o menino e o burro

The cover got me curious so I had to research a bit into this cover. It's actually Brasilian and the title translates to - wait for it -

The old man, the boy, and the horse.

Shit, I didn't expect that. You know what I do expect?

Child molestation involving a horse in a manner I'd rather not delve on. I wouldn't let any kid I know near that old man.


Richard and Willie - Funky Honkey, Nasty Nigger

Okay, let me just let this out. Who the FUCK gets a blowjob while holding two ventriloquist dolls?

I'm really out of words for this one. The facial expressions kinda just put in a punchline of their own. So, feel free to just look at the picture and imagine a funny remark being said about it.

Won't matter. You're still laughing.


Colonel Sanders - Tijuana Picnic
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Tijuana.

Tijuana who?

Tijuana listen to shitty music by a Colonel famous for recipes?




The Louvin Brothers

S'right folks. Satan is real. And apparently he likes wearing white evangelist clothing. Talk about getting the wrong impression.

Okay so maybe theyre not really Satan. But then again, why are they so happy about being in hell. And why are they inviting people to join them?

You can think the whole day about really bad evangelical album covers and this is probably the worst you can think of.



Various Retards - Crying Demons

The label below caught my attention. "Amazing recordings of demons speaking through people who are possessed by them" and then there's a picture of young Urkel behind the spammed title.

How do they sell this shit? I wouldn't get this album seeded in bittorrent if I added porn in it. It's not even music.

If I wanted incoherent people sounding possessed, I'd go to Music21 Karaoke lounge at 3 in the morning.


Mike Crain - God's Power

Just no. Fuck. No.

I'm not a fan of Mike Myers either.

True Love Does Not Stop

True love does not stop. Unrequited, found unwanted, and forced to disappear, it merely hides itself and fades from common sight. It continues to grow however, ever dedicated to the reason of its existence. And though unacknowledged, it remains ever hopeful for the day it shall see light again - and perhaps recognized, with or without consent of its owner.

And tragedy, ah tragedy, is not in the death of such love - it is in its living on, past and beyond the limit of all other emotions. For true love is something that can be given up, but in itself cannot give up or die. It will continue on with its meaningless existence until it is given meaning, if ever it is given meaning. It lies in your heart and it shall lie there, hidden.

In every heart, on every man.

Because of all emotions, it is said that true love is the only one true emotion that has the gift and curse of eternity - a feeling that is for forever and never at the same time.

(taken from a conversation with a friend, for a friend)

Some Exceptionally Bad Album Covers

Thousands of records come out every year and each of them is required to have a cover that captures the essence of music inside. We can all remember the immortalized swimming baby from Nirvana or the demonic images of Meatloaf's albums, but those are the good few that get remembered. There're good covers, there are bad covers.

This is a short showcase of the ugly covers everybody wants to forget.

Ken: By Request Only

I can stare at the face of Ken in this cover for hours and still not figure out what his expression is trying to say. The closest and best I've got so far is that "I think somebody just shoved a screwdriver up my bunghole."

But I'm not too sure.

"Got any requests so far Ken? No? Well keep at it, soon enough you'll evoke pity."




Heavy Load: Stronger Than Evil

Speaking of pity, is it just me or does this guy in the cover look like he's less menacing and more like he's in great pain? I'm no expert in Heavy Metal covers but the last feeling I would like to evoke when making covers is pity.

:(







Riot: Fire Down Under

The only thing that can beat a pityful demon when making rock covers is having something very unrelated to the theme grace your cover and make that object as cute as possible.

I'm not sure what went into the heads of the marketing people here but I'm guessing it's a last minute attempt to snatch the preteen girl demographic away from Backstreet Boys.

Suffice to say, it failed.


Vind I Seglen: KJEL KRAGHE

Going for the opposite of the previous album, Vind invokes the primalmost fear in everybody while trying to sell his album about Sunday cookouts and starry skies: A white aging Godzilla wading around your favorite seaspot. Let's just say when grandpa has to go, the place becomes an ecological "wasteland", and literally.

Those sailboats have a good reason to race: dear life and hygiene.




Millie Jackson: Who cares what this album is?!

Speaking of people who badly have to go, we have Millie Jackson, whose level of tastelessness has transcended that of all other artists who have gone before and after her.

Okay. Seriously, does seeing a woman taking a dump (see expression) make you want to listen to what she has to sing/say? Saying this album is crap is somewhat complementing the cover.




Part 2 to be posted tomorrow. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go throw up.

Unpolished Jokes

For every joke or quote that you see here, there's probably 5 others that didn't quite make the quality check. Here are some of the rougher jokes that I have on my files but never did quite make the lineup. Maybe with a bit of restructuring or polishing they'd get to an acceptable level but until they get fixed, they'd stay the way they are.

I was reciting in speech class the other day when my professor told me "Mr. Kinoko, speak louder please!" So I punched him in the face. Actions speak louder than words afterall.

I bet this world would have a lot less violence if guns made funny farting noises whenever they go off. Everytime somebody tries to use a gun, everybody would go "Who did that?" The shooter would try to say "It wasnt me!". But we all know there's no getting out of that kind of situation.

God gave Moses the 10 commandments on top of a mountain and after he went down, he got angry at his people so he threw the tablets on the ground and broke all 10 commandments at the same time.

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind. Either that or we'd get some pretty rad eye color combinations.

Quick Guide on How To Not Get Laid

Too awesome. I'd probably do stuff like this again.

Random Fridays

I haven't had much sleep as of late and my last weekend's escapade with overtime work is finally taking its toll. (as proof of this, it took me 15 minutes trying to login to this account, spending 10 minutes figuring out why my company username won't work as login and the next 5 wondering if I've been hacked again)



So for today, I'd like you to do thinking for yourself. I'd like you to spend your free time contemplating on this picture. Think about what the cowboy is thinking. Think about what the comic artist was snorting to come up with something as asinine as this.

When you've finished, leave a reflection here and then go think about "Biker Mice From Mars".

Have a pleasant Friday.

Stitching

While preparing my outfit for the upcoming ToyCon last night, I realized that there are some materials where gluing doesn't quite work as well. Until that period, I had this general rule that anything that needs to be put together can be put together just as well with glue (as proof we have a full set of different types of glue in the house, superglue, elmers glue, glue-gun glue, rugby, more rugby)

Apparently, as my sister pointed out, you actually have to "sew" materials called "cloth" together. After a crash course in basic stitching (and not killing yourself with a needle) I finally got to working on a long cloth I had to stitch.

I would later recall the activity less as sewing and more as self-induced torture. Never have I thought that something so small could injure you so many times. By the time I was halfway through, I needed transfusion from the loss of blood.

I could've sworn my needle is possesed by the soul of a serial killer. Everytime I tried to make it go through cloth, it'd go through the cloth at a direction most likely to go through one of my fingers too.

To girls: we guys don't see any problem in getting a metal stick that has a pointy end and being forced to use it. Spears are cool. But when the stick is half the size of your goddamn pinky, things get really tricky.

I think I can pretty much get the motivation Whoever invented the first sewing machine (Singer). He was probably making an outfit for a convention too. He stared at the needle, the thread, and the cloth and told himself "FUCK. THIS. SHIT."

After an hour of sewing, I finally finished my work. I spent quite some time thanking God that I'm a man, and didn't have to put up with this sort of torture back in highschool.

Still I think I could've made glue work.

If that doesn't, we still have staple wire.

The Weather Is Always Fine In Hungary

warning: if you're a fundamentalist, you might go to hell for reading this post.



Here's a short vid I borrowed from Lazy Asian, one of the few blogs I frequent. Why don't we ever get weather girls as hot as her? If you watch to the very end, you'll probably be smiling like me while typing this post.

I sometimes get to think, who the hell tapes weather forecasts? More specifically, who tapes weather forecasts in Hungary? Well if you have weathergirls this hot, maybe a lot. Add to that the possibility that they might report something more than just hot and wet weather, and yeah.

Her name is Naomi. Naomi Kitapanti.

Those Hungarians have the weirdest names.

Learning the Philippine Alphabet

I don't know about you guys but I really had a hard time learning the local alphabet.

In case I haven't told you yet, my first schooling was at an embassy school in Saudi Arabia (and yes, learning the vernacular in a foreign land isn't the most ideal setting). There, time it seems to be in a standstill. Why? Because the Filipino alphabet was still fucked up when I studied there.

In case you still don't know, the current Filipino alphabet has 28 letters. All standard english letters plus N and NG.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N Ñ NG O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

But that wasn't always the case. Our original local alphabet were just 20 letters. This set of letters, I learned from kindergarten.

A Ba Ka Da E Ga Ha I La Ma Na Nang O Pa Ra Sa Ta U Wa Ya.

It took me a while to understand why we'd have less letters than the english alphabet but eventually I got used to it. And I though it was good.

Then I hit the first grade after just one year in preschool and got another teacher and a different book. That was just fucked up. Suddenly we had 31 letters. I don't know if you also had to put up with this set of alphabet but I did. Apparently it's been in circulation since the late 30's.

A B C CH D E F G H I J K L LL M N ñ NG O P Q, R, RR, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z.

And no, I'm not shitting you younger generations. I have a book at home entitled BAGONG BALARILA I to prove it. (Balarila means Grammar) Things got so fucked up, even the teachers didn't know how to use some of the letters.

Everytime we'd be asked for an example beginning in LL we'd always say LLANA. In the book there's a picture of a lady beside the word LLANA. I think that was her name but I'm not sure. For RR we couldn't even think of anything begginning in RR so we used ... fuck .. I can't even remember what we used.

After studying there for a year or two, I went back to the Philippines and then the alphabet changed again to the 28 letters we're using now. I had to relearn shit again.

And you'd think after a couple of hundred years using the goddamn alphabet they would've agreed on something stable by now. Talk about minding P's and Q's.

Wasting Tax

Whatever work I do during a Monday, I consider it as work that I do for the government. The 20% of anythingI earn that goes to tax, I'd like to think I earn during Mondays. And since today is a Monday, I'd like to rant about how our government likes to waste the paper bills I send them every month.

Malacanang confirms Nuclear Plans

In the news article, Malacañang confirms that our country has plans of going nuclear (in terms of energy, not weaponry). They've started "training" people in nuclear technologies and have outlined the procedures for going about nuclearization. The initial payoff was said to be 125 million pesos.

This is tax money.

In another news article,

http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/showthread.php?t=303972

It's been said that they've already checked out 10 potential sites for the nuclear plant. This research was conducted by Dr. Alumanda dela Rosa, director of the Philippine Nuclear Research Institute (PNRI).

She however, refused to name all the 10 sites identified by the National Power Steering Committee (NPSC), saying a more thorough study is needed and also refused to disclose the budget for the study and when it would be finished.

Again, this costs money.

Now, I'm not really against using money on research, geomancy, and other technical fundings. The fact that she doesn't want to disclose the budget, something that should've been public information sucks though.

But that's not why I rant.

What pisses me off is why Alumanda is even working for our government and why we're giving her our hard-earned cash. Why we even have a nuclear research institute. Why we're training scientists in nuclear technology. And why we're looking for sites where we can build nuclear power plants.

We're wasting tax on these assholes.

Sure, I'd like energy to go down and sure, nuclearization is the way, but there's one fine detail Malacañang has been avoiding all this time, and it's one important detail:

WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BUILD NUCLEAR PLANTS IN THIS COUNTRY.

Says who? Says the goddamn constitution. And unless we're going to agree on charter change (protip: we're not), we will never have anything to do with nuclear technology.

The 1987 constitution explicitly states that we cannot allow nuclearization of this country specifically due to the harsh effects of failure of the Bataan Nuclear Power Plant which till today remains the biggest debt we've yet to repay.

So why the fuck do we have departments delving on shit we're not even supposed to consider? I think I know why. As said in the article, our neighboring Asian countries are planning on going nuclear as well: Vietnam, Indonesia, and Cambodia.

But they don't have any clauses in the goddamn constitution that says NO, do they?

We're like the poor neighbor who's considering buying plasma HDTV's just because their richer neighbors are also planning on buying.

As a conclusion, every peso we spend on the nuclearization endeavour is wasting valuable tax money. My Monday work. Even Arroyo can't possibly disagree on this point.

http://www.gov.ph/news/printerfriendly.asp?i=9153

Straight from the goddamn horse's mouth:

"The (Philippine) Constitution prohibits nuclearization," the President stressed. "Although Korea has one of the lowest power rates in the region because they are nuclear, the country has no plans of doing so."

What's next, tools? A space agency without any space program?

Stretching Her Net Legs

At the start of this blog, I mentioned that I won't be reposting lyrics of any song here, save for the one that I posted during the first week. It's ignant to duplicate already existing information. So if you're like one particular extranosy reader of this blog, you must be wondering why I posted the lyrics of Hoist The Colours here two days ago.

It was actually part of an exercise in search engine optimization (SEO). What is SEO? SEO is designing your site/page in such a way that will increase the chances of Google and other search engines in finding your page and considering it as a relevant search result.

I wanted to see how easily I can get a page to at least the first page of Google results using certain keywords. The keywords that I used are "hoist" "colours" and "lyrics".

I checked this morning and I was able to climb to the last entry of the first page thanks to information provided to me by Marhgil, my officemate. you can check by searching for "Hoist The Colors Lyrics" on Google to verify.

Not bad eh?

Update:
Google has gotten around to index the other pages that boost my hoist the colours page popularity and sent it right to the first page of the results of the search Hoist The Colours lyrics (even without the doublequotes). Booya.

More Pirates Of The Caribbean

It has recently come to my attention that one of the Chinese pirates is actually Filipino. Tai Huang, the loyal assistant of Chow Yun Fat in the film is said to be played by Reggie Lee, a Filipino. Well, not really Filipino. He's half-American, half-Filipino, half-Chinese. That makes him semi-semi-Filipino.

If we started counting that kind of blood mix as Filipino, we might as well call the Bigfoot "kabayan". (his hairy anatomy and height probably came from his other races, but I swear his ability to never appear to any person except when they have a camera is totally Filipino.)

Going back to Tai Huang, he might very well be the first Filipino in America to get a toy of his own. Not bad, actually. He's even wearing rubber slippers.


But you know what would've made PoTC:AWE more awesome? If they replaced Reggie Lee with the twins they killed off in the Singapore scene. The twins are played by actress Michelle Lee (no relation to Reggie) and I think they/she were the most awesome extras in that 2.5 hour long film. Twins + martial arts + really skimpy outfits = win.

It's just too bad we have this lengthy tradition in action films that any twins (particularly bodyguard twins) will have to die or get beat up so badly they disappear from the movie completely. (for more examples, watch Matrix Reloaded, Equilibrium, and Adaptation)

I did a background check on the actress and she checks out pretty well. Blackbelt martial artist, net-savvy person, videogame addict, kinda like the one-of-the-boys girl every man gets the hots for.


Rumor has it that the twins are in the video game, but I'm not really interested in seeing a videogame counterpart. Maybe they're's in the extended DVD version...

But that's just wishful thinking.

Hoist The Colors Lyrics

Remember the movie you saw last year that didn't have an ending? Yeah, that one. Well it turns out the last 10 minutes of Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest has been extended into 2.5 more hours of movie time complete with a song and dance number, Hoist The Colors (the highlight of any Disney film, next to kids getting hanged).

The title of the song is Hoist The Colors or Hoist The Colours, depending on which superpower raped your country and colonized it a couple of hundred years ago. Here's the most complete lyrics to date:

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the Colours high.
Heave ho,
thieves and beggars,
never shall we die.

The king and his men
stole the queen from her bed
and bound her in her Bones.
The seas be ours
and by the powers
where we will we’ll roam.

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the Colours high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never shall we die.

Some men have died
and some are alive
and others sail on the sea
– with the keys to the cage…
and the Devil to pay
we lay to Fiddler’s Green!

The bell has been raised
from it’s watery grave…
Do you hear it’s sepulchral tone?
We are a call to all,
pay head the squall
and turn your sail toward home!

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the Colours high…
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never shall we die.

The additional lyrics of Hoist The Colors not found in the first part of the movie appears sung by Elizabeth Swann while boating in Singapore. Also, it seems a lot of people have misunderstood the term "the devil to pay" in both the film and in general use.

The devil to pay is a nautical term, or rather a term for a punishment. The devil is the section of a wood ship where the deck (surface) joins the hull (the thing that keeps you from sleeping with the fishes). It's said that this is a very hard place to reach and "paying" it, or waterproofing using tar was therefore dreadful enough to be considered as punishment.

So now you know. Knowing is half the battle, YO JOE!

(p.s. the latter half is making your enemy bleed and die)

Killing Yourself, And Then Some

When you've jumped off a building to kill yourself and you're speeding downward towards earth, you should avoid hitting any flying bugs on your way down because, good luck getting that OFF your shirt.

If you're going to opt for the roadkill treatment, try to pick a bus that's not so full of passengers. I'm thinking if I were the passenger, I'd hate to be delayed by some suicidal guy because nobody EVER believes that sort of excuse three times in a row.

No matter how hard you try, it's virtually impossible for you to kill yourself through overmasturbation.

If you have AIDs and you're slashing your wrists, make sure you dispose of the blade afterwards because somebody might use it to commit suicide and get AIDs instead.

Chinese garter can't break your neck. Maybe if you attach a car on the other end and you ask somebody to drive it towards you very very fast...

Overdosage of Flintstones vitamins is a pleasant way to die, but good luck bragging about it in the afterlife.

If you're drowning yourself in a pool, somebody might catch you so it's always a good idea to make sure you're not drowning and skinny dipping at the same time.

Here's a cool idea if in case you're into killing yourself: Get a tape recorder and go tape yourself trying to be all ghostly and shit at the very end of the tape. Rewind the tape, press play, then go kill yourself. When somebody discovers you're dead they'll scream in horror, and then they'll hear you making ghostly sounds (and poorly) so they'll probably think you're faking it. Later on, they'll get a good laugh when they realize it's just a trick using a tape recorder.

When hanging yourself with rope, I don't think it's so funny if you yell like Tarzan.

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p.s. This blog is now 1 year old. Hurrah.

Finer Points Of Netiquette: Friendster

Ever browsed into somebody's Friendster account by accidentally guessing their full name and sending 5-10 "add friend invites" only to browse their page and say "Maaan, this guy sucks"? Me neither. I'm just saying.

And I'm saying it could be you doing the sucking. Given that chance, we have this article that aims to improve your odds at being branded the village idiot of your community by enumerating some simple rules of etiquette that could turn you from maniac to gentlemaniac.

Account Profile:

Account profiles are very useful things, specially when you're looking for proof that the world is going to the dogs. Here are some fine thoughts to consider when making your profile:

- You are encouraged to write the finer types of music you like. Saying you like "rock" is pretty tantamout to just saying "I like food" when asked by a stewardess inflight to choose between chicken or fish. Conversely, enumerating all rock bands you know from Aerosmith to Zipang Zaitslev is just as retarded. Exercise moderation or even better, shut the fuck up.

- Making a Japanese name for yourself and using that as a nickname is ignant. Face the facts, japanophile. The only thing you have in common with the japanese is the color of your hair and the rice you eat. You're not Japanese and I'm sure the Japanese aren't welcoming you to their society any more than they welcome Godzilla in Tokyo.

- Pretending to be somebody famous like a star makes you retarded. No exemptions.

- Do NOT add any unnecessary graphics to your site. Graphics suggest to the viewer that you're too boring and the only way to spice up your profile is to post unrelated cartoons and letterings. That's probably true, but adding graphics wont improve things either, it just eats up more bandwidth.

- Avoid adding music at all costs. The viewer did not create a customized playlist of (assumingly) tasteful songs in his computer just for you to hijack his headphones with your shitty songs from your favorite crappy artist in the lowest bitrates known to science. This action is tantamout to playing loud, stale RnB music in your open-air car, which should be considered capital crime punishable by death.

Photos

After filling out your profile, you have the option of uploading photos. Here's what your photos page say about you:

- Posting mainly pictures of cartoon characters means you're either too poor/technologically devoid to get actual pictures of yourself or you're too ugly to be seen even as digital information. Or both.

- Posting mainly pictures of celebrities (of same sex) means all of the above, plus your self-esteem is 'round sea level (which isn't pretty high) because it takes really really low self respect for you to be able to pull shit like this.

- Too many pics of your face in different positions, lighting, and angles make you a cam whore.

Actually, just too many pictures is enough to prove that.

Shoutouts:

Shoutouts, whether they're in real life or just virtual (such as the feature you find in friendster), are generally stupid. Shoutouts usually have the following purposes:

- General announcements that are for everybody's attention.
- An attempt at giving the reader an insight to what you're thinking, making the reader assume the shouter's thoughts are so goddamn asinine, you can fit it in a very small space.
- A message aimed a fictional somebody, or if somebody real, somebody the shouter does not have enough balls to personally confront (making the shouter a pussy).

While the first purpose is acceptable, there's the fact that nobody ever really gives a shit as to what is written in the shoutbox. Again, as common courtesy, avoid using shoutouts.

If you have to make announcements, use the Bulletin Board. Speaking of which,

Bulletin Boards:

Bulletin Board posts are generally shoutouts that are longer and much more visible. Unfortunately this is also a venue of much abuse. So as not to appear like a prehistoric caveman with internet connection the following rules should be observed:

- Post legibly. You are using a keyboard, not a keypad. Stop chewing your IQ and use it to post full words instead of txtspk. Also, YOUR is different from YOU'RE. No, really.

- Use a title that is apt for the piece, and not some attention catching irrelevant phrase like "READ THIS OR YOUR PET DOG WILL DIE". Half the people who see that wish that you're their pet dog.

- Do not forward shit that don't contribute to the general increase of overall knowledge. This includes, but is not limited to: Chain letters, urban legends, surveys, surveys with chain letters, Urban chain surveys.

- Don't spam. You're burying potentially important announcements under your forwarded rubbish. If you want to bury something, go jump in a six-foot deep hole and put some soil over you.

Testimonials:

A testimonial by definition is something that recommends (or expresses commendation) of a person or thing as worthy or desirable. This basically means that for the 95% of the friends you have to write testimonials for, you'll just have to lie until your soul is being burned already in hell long before you're dead.

Here are more sets of rules governing testimonials:

- Do not call somebody funny if he's not. This will cause other people to think of the person the way you describe them and end up embarassing the person when he fails to entertain. As a result, his self-esteem plummets and we are stuck with one more emo bastard in this planet (who cant even kill himself right).

- Do not use the testimonial as a message board. We have this tool called "Send Messages". It's pretty effective. The only reason somebody would use the board as a message box is when he wants to be seen by everybody sending the message, which makes him a hypocritical dogshit. Nobody wants to be friends with canine excrement. Avoid this at all costs.

- Do not put in flash games. Doing so speaks volumes about how you can't read or follow simple rules. We call them testimonials for a reason. Don't make them find out you're the kid who ate crayons and and drank glue back in gradeschool.

- Do not put in music as testimonial entries. Again, no music hijacking please. Jesus didn't die on the cross for your sins just so you can act like a complete ass unto others.

- Never thank somebody for a testimonial using another testimonial. You can pretty much guess why this is frowned upon. Unless of course that's just how you roll.

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Those are a few simple guidelines that can be followed while using the service that is Friendster. Of course there are more rules, but I assume that's about all your brain can retain on such a short notice.

And remember kids, Mr. Friendster says: the more friends and testimonials you have, the bigger your penis is.

Betards.

Of the computer terms bastardized by massive commercialization of computer software and the internet, I think "beta" has taken the most bastardizing flak.

For those of you who don't know what the "beta" label means in software, web sites, and webservices that you've come across, it's a tag programmers use to indicate that the product has been deemed fit for user (i.e. idiots, you, etc.) testing. Users test the product and see if there are any problems, which the programmers will fix until somepoint there are no more obvious bugs, after which an official version of the product is released.

Beta is usually the final phase after the developers have finished creating the program and have done rigorous testing on their part. There are some bugs that only users (i.e. idiots) can find. That's why we have Beta.

At least, that's what it's supposed to mean.

Nowadays "beta" is just a fucking excuse for developers to get lazy and for marketers to keep people curious. Beta is now used to say "But wait, there's more!" in a sleezier way than how those Home TV shopping hosts go about screwing you in the arse hole.

Here's a typical virtual user-provider dialogue:

Provider: Check out our new product.
User: This is it? I don't think it's even working.
Provider: Of course right now it's still in beta.
User: So?
Provider: It gets better.
User: *is a gullible toad* Ooooh. Maybe it will.
Provider: Wait till you see version Beta 99999, it'll actually start working by then.

Ragnarok Online, an online role-playing game, is probably the best case of developers going all lazy and shit. It's been four years since the software has been released to the public and it's still in Beta. Bugs are still ever-present and the features keep on adding up to no end.

Normally, you'd get all the features at once and only bugs to work out. Not for RO's case. Features that should've been standard the moment it got out get integrated as part of the "beta" and then bugs happen because of this, forever dooming the goddamn game into a state of buggy beta that never ends.

In a real world case, a "RO-like beta" car would be just the chassis and four wheels. No engines, it just moves when pushed. Every now and then a new part will be added as a new "installment episode". Until you get those episodes, you're expected to use your car as though it were complete (but it's not).

It will eventually become a complete car (almost, at least) but by then, the car is 20 fucking years obsolete and the fact that everything is patched makes it very dangerous to even use. Despite that, you're expected to go "I was lucky to see the evolution of this product." Also by then, another set of "beta" cars will be out in the market - which will take another 20 years to complete.

Forever Beta = Lazy People.