Spiderman 3 - World's Most Expensive Spider

Friday, May 04, 2007

So I've heard Spiderman is the second most expensive film ever made in history with a price tag of more than half a billion dollars. The first one is Cleopatra, which was made long before we were born, back when movie directors shat bricks of gold by eating a strict diet of shitty actors.

By comparison, a big budgeted local film is a million dollars. Spiderman's budget is like having every actor on the set of Gagamboy win the local lottery - twice. Titanic, one of the highest grossing films of all time, earned a billion dollars. Even if Spiderman earns half of what Titanic earned, they're just about breaking even.

Where did the money go you ask? I'm betting it's in trying to make Toby Mcguire look Peter Parker's age. I know it wasn't just me who noticed how Peter gets an extra chin for every SpiderMan film and how the strands of his web seems to be coming from his hairline. If the rumor that there will be six Spiderman movies is true, by the time the fourth one gets in, I'm guessing they'd have to make Peter Parker 100% computer-generated and cast Toby as his Uncle Ben instead.

Also, these pictures of "Mary Jane" should be enough to tell you where the bags of money went:

Heavy renovation.

The rest of whats left of the money probably went on to cramming as much plot in the movie as possible, leaving the story with so many open questions, you'd think it was a choose-your-own-adventure book turned into a film.

That said, Spiderman 3 was a good film. Seeing a Harry with a dead father and a scar on his forehead is new - something we've never seen in a film for the past six months. The sexual tension betwen Peter and Harry was well placed also. Really. There were several parts of the film that looked so gay, the gay people sitting behind us were saying "Told ya." There's sarcasm in this paragraph somewhere.

My friend Addy who at the time hasn't seen the film said to me, just before I was about to watch the movie, "Spiderman 3 is so emo, even the costume is Emo." After watching the movie I can't help but think that's the whole point of this amazingly long film:

"Wearing black turns you emo."

No? Listen to this:

Oh my god my apartment door won't open! It's like my heart that's not ready for joy, but is filled with only loneliness and revenge. Therefore I shall wear black, listen to jazz, and wear moptop. Also, I will dance pussified ragtime, for the heck of it.

Spiderman 3 is so emo, it cut its own scenes (like ones that make sense).

For what it's worth though, seeing Hobgoblin actually being able to kick ass using his flying sled and not half-falling like his father did in part one is a good change. Seeing people clothslined is the highlight of any movie for me (and midgets - all high-budget films should be able to afford midgets).

Even though you don't want to see this movie, unless you want to be left out and be labeled "that guy who never really goes out", you should watch it anyway.

Because Mary Jane says so.

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