Turkish Star Wars

Saturday, March 17, 2007

If you think Star Wars rocked, this video will make you orgasm so loudly, people will think you're conducting nuclear testing in front of your pc. It's the Turkish adaptation of Star Wars and it fucking rules. Our Pinoy Action movies won't hold a candle against the massive awesomeness of this film.

The video is said to be the final 10 minutes of the movie, but I think this is just a compendium of the good moments of the film, which is like every other 5 seconds of the entire 90 minute show. It is in fact loaded with more explosions than Iraq on a bad day and more action than Peter North in a convent (or if that sounds offensive to you, pretend that it's a fake convent with actor nuns). There's so much excitement in this film, there's not enough room for a plot.

Now I don't know much about Turkey but here are some things that I'd like to point out about the film:

- Luke Skywalker likes to jump. A LOT. And by A LOT, I mean he uses it to defeat everything from henchmen to bullets flying at him. Yes, apparently if you jump high enough, no bullets will ever be able to harm you. Also, he jumps likes like a pansy.

- Luke looks like an ugly Richard Gere + uniform of Shaider's Alexis + gloves of hell teacher Nube. And just to show this guy means business, he has two gloves. Screw lightsabers. This guy can pummel shit with his hands.

- Shaider kills one monster per episode. Luke kills 1 monster every 10 seconds. That's 1 monster less than Chuck Norris.'s general average.

- Leonidas is King of Spar ... err... the Imperial Forces. For some reason his mask looks more like Sauron's from Lord of The Rings. You're not in Sparta anymore, King. Luke will kick exploding boulders at you till you break down like a little girl, which we Turks fondly call "pussy", after which he'll do traditional pinoy action moves like you like you're some sort of paralyzed limp fuck.

- People from Turkey are afraid of shiny light. Also, they have a version of pot that makes yellow smoke. Lots of yellow smoke.

- I totally didn't understand the role of the XWings, but they ruled.

All in all, I'd give this six stars out of five. Who would have thought the best Star Wars installment wasn't even made by George Lucas?

No comments:


Search This Blog

Most Reading