Fun with Numbers

Here's something fun to do with the cellphone number of a friend/enemy (doesn't matter whether or not if he's for or against you because after he finds out, he'll probably too pissed at you to become anything less than your arch-enemy and potential murderer).

1. Ride a bus. Any bus can do but preferrably, buses running routes on any of the following:
- provinces
- EDSA or any busy route
- Saudi Arabia*

2. Get a pen and commit into mind the number of your friend.

3. Take three deep breaths and say to yourself "for the love of the game".

4. When nobody is looking, go write "WANTED GEY LUVER. TEXT ME AT: [friend's
number]" at the back of the seat in front of you. Make sure it's legible enough to be understood that whoever owns that number wants to have sex with whoever sends a message to that number. Remember to make your writing clear and solid - we want to convey an attitude of seriousness and, well, formality of asking for ass stuffing.

5. Get off the bus (as in disembark, you monkey) and pretend nothing ever happened.

6. Repeat steps 1-5 maybe 10-20 times. Don't get caught. Getting caught simply means you're the one who wants mansex. Also, the conductor will probably give you an LTRFB-regulated brand of asskicking.

*only if possible. airfare is not worth it.

What will happen is that your friend will now have a simcard that's more active with sexually loaded messages than 2-for-1 movies they show in stickyfloor cinemas that have titles like "Haliparot" and "Gising na Adan"

Best part of it is that he wouldn't really know the reason and start wondering why so many gay people suddenly want to become friends with him. For best effect, pretend you accidentally read his inbox and start laughing about the messages he forgets to delete (if you've written the number enough times, he shouldn't have enough time to erase them all at once)

If ever you feel sad and guilty about it, think about it this way. You're just helping your friend find his sexuality. If he's really gay (this happens, really) he'll probably enjoy the favor and you've been a good friend. If he's not and he's pissy about it - you tried to widen his circle of friends but it's not your fault he's being such a douch for not entertaining "friendly" requests. Win/win.

My barkada tried this on a friend/ex-friend once. By the third day he was reduced to a crying sap who thinks there's a syndicate of penises out to get him. In the end he had to change simcards just to make it stop. We told him about the joke and we had a good laugh or two about it. Actually we didn't. And he was never really included in the laughing sessions but we still laugh about it - but only when Mr. Congeniality's not around.

An alternative would be to post his number on those notoriously raunchy cable text chat and run the message "Wanted boy lover with free 350 load" along with his number. The poor guy wont know what hit him.

Actually he probably will.

But at least he won't know where it's coming from.