More Inflight Advisories

Sunday, March 11, 2007

I just came back from Hongkong this evening and I'm not in such a mood to go write something more comprehensive (i.e. retarded) than a simple public reminder. So without further ado, here are:

Some Guidelines When Travelling On A Plane

No matter how much fun it would seem to your brain underneath that thick skull, you do not need to headbang when listening to rock music - specially when you're listening on earphones and you're strapped to a seat with a traytable attached behind it.

A) It's not cool.
B) It's fucking retarded.

- If you have kids, do not order special "children's" meals for them, specially when you are unsure of of what children's meals are supposed to contain. And if ever you already did something that stupid, don't make it worse by indugling their finicky appetite by asking the stewardess for "something else"

Protip: A child who has teeth can basically eat anything a live adult can. Alcoholic beverages are not discouraged, and are in fact encouraged to prevent the dismal process of kids turning into pussies when they grow up.

- If you see that people behind you have not yet been served, do not try to be the little attention whore by asking for different sets of drinks every 2 minutes just because you can. Wait the fuck for your turn and if possible, go fuck yourself in the ear.

- Do not encourage your kids to try and do the former item. One idiot (i.e. you) is enough for many generations to come. If you don't have kids, get a vasectomy/tubal ligation/histerectomy/alloftheabove.

- Shaving is not encouraged outside the lavatories. Now I know why razors are banned on every flight - to prevent tasteless people from leaving body hair around the goddamn plane.

- If you happen to have a whiny bitch for a wife, be a courteous gentleman for the rest of the passengers and crew by giving her a dose of valium (or a 5-4-1 knockout punch). Any comments about how sucky service gets in the ECONOMY class of an airplane is not appreciated.

- Don't headbang. I can't begin to explain how much emphasis this step needs.

To Sum It All Up:

DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME (Seat 45H of Flight PR307)

That is all. Thank you and enjoy the flight.

1 comment:

Dreamblur said...



Search This Blog

Most Reading