No Sorry

Saturday, March 03, 2007

There's something I'd like to share to you about my family. I'm not sure how it works in other families, but in my home, nobody ever says sorry. Now, probably you'd say to yourself "Well, that sucks." I'd like to digress. Just because nobody ever says sorry doesn't mean there's never any forgiveness.

For some reason, we've chosen to adopt "forget" more than "forgive".

To illustrate an example, I sometimes get into bad terms with my mom or sister. After a bout of shouting, an invisible wall gets dropped between me and whoever I fought. We dont talk, we avoid each other, and the only reason we stay in a single room is because of TV, church, or dinner or whichever.

This could go on for days or weeks (but only if it's mindblowingly bad, like having a friend that looks like Zhang Ziyi and not intruducing me to her).

And then one day, I just wake up one morning like nothing happened, give her a greet and then she greets me back. Sometimes it's whoever I fought with who does the greeting but it doesnt really matter. The transition is so subtle, I sometimes start wondering whether or not the fight happened only in a dream.

The good part of this system is that no ego ever has to get hurt. To forgive, one must admit a mistake or acknowledge another is capable of making a mistake. Bad for the record. To forget, you simple have to forget, whichever side you are on, offending or offended. Nobody has to acknowledge anything.

Another benefit to this system is that it means you don't have to keep unsettled things for long. After something bad happens, no matter how it's resolved or unresolved, you just move on to the period of silence. You don't have to keep grudges or longing for closure.

So maybe you can just say I live in a family with terrible short-term memory.

But I think that's one thing I'm glad I'm suffering from.

Wait. What was I talking about again?

(If any of my sisters get to read this, and eventually they probably will, I'll just randomly say screw it, im still not talking to you! J/K)


imanster said...

I agree to everything written in this post because it works for us too.

Especially the Zhang Ziyi part. Ooooh the love.

ann said...

Well, it's definitely an opposite rule in our house. I see to it that my kids say sorry if they hurt someone, intentional or not, they have to say the word. It's my way of teaching them to be humble.

Mai said...

For some adverse reason, I don't believe in always saying sorry for every transgression--unless its a major fuck-up, lest it becomes as cheap a phrase as those three words. Humility can only go so far.

Kyle said...

For us sorry is a big word. If you say it you must mean it - that is that you are acknowledging what you did wrong, that you learned from the mistake and that you'll take responsibility for the consequences. It teaches not only humility but responsibility as well.
On the other hand, if we don't think there's nothing wrong with what we did (even after a logical conversation between both parties), we never say the word. It doesn't matter who gets hurt, what matters is where the fault is. And this teaches well-placed self-respect.


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