Professor X is a Lazy Bastard

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Is he working or asleep? Office workers around the world agree
that the best kind of work is the one that requires you to close your eyes.

As far as the ratio of powerfulness to uselessness goes, Professor X pretty much tops the chart of most useless superhero ever. Or, at the very least, he ties up with the Silver Surfer. That would be unfair for the Silver Surfer though, since he's not really a sworn hero. He's more like an overpowered hippy, chillin all naked and telling foreboding words of doom and stuff. Professor X on the other hand...

Think about it. Professor X can read the mind of anybody. He can locate anybody in the world and know what they're planning to do long before any intelligence officer can even know who they're dealing with. He can throw you out of the window by just thinking it. Hell, he can bend space and throw you out of this fucking dimension just for a change. In more than one instance, he is able to destroy his opponent without even lifting a single finger (although we assume he does give the enemy the middle digit salute off-scene, just for spite)

He's THAT powerful.

And what does he do with all that power? He opens up a school. An exclusive school where he teaches god knows what subject. Let's say, grammar. Sure, that telepathy thing would really be swell when dealing with cheaters during examinations. Sure, the telekinesis would be awesome in hurling chalk at the aforementioned cheaters. But while batman has to make do with zero powers and a rather awkward utility belt to fight pretty much half the population of Gotham City every night, Professor X spends his lazy days chilling inside his school.

In doing so, he is solving approximately 0.00 threats to humanity on normal days and goes on to send his minions students to fight the bad guys that he could have whooped five times faster and from the comfort of his chill seat.

Somebody should tell that guy being bald doesn't exempt him from regular superhero work.

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