MASSIVE Facebook Oneliner Roundup

(For those who are already noticing that I only do these kinds of posts when I'm out of time/ideas/both, you are merely imagining things. Now excuse me while I get back to playing Starcraft 2. When I say MASSIVE, I mean MASSIVE. These are oneliners from my FB account since DEC 2009 last year.)

We are all third world countries until somebody figures out how to hold elections on Martian soil.

If you get a cat life insurance, do you get 9x the amount?

Life's a triangle. There are always three sides of things. Your side, the side of others, and the side from which the other two derive. How these sides interact can spawn an infinite variation of triangles, but at the end of the day, there's only one that is truly right.

When I was younger, as long as I had loose change in my pocket, the sun overhead, and an excuse for when I needed to get home, I felt like I could conquer the world. Life's supposed to be simple like that, and it probably still is. It's just harder to see things that way when you're grown up.




Ang pagibig parang tren. Nakakapawis ng kilikili.

God bless the Philippines, where you can face the problem of water shortage and floods on the same day.

"I'm in a dream," I told him, "see my totem is still spinning." Cobb drew a pained expression, "You know what? Maybe choosing an electric fan wasn't such a bright idea afterall."

Instead of putting those tacky European car plates under, why not North Korean ones? It boldly tells anybody who sees it "I escaped from that hellhole, and was bad ass enough to bring my shitty car along."

Investment without thinking risk is buying a lifetime's worth of canned goods with only inflation in mind, and not the expiry dates.

Kung bahay ng presidente yung nasa 20 peso bill, dapat ata yung bahay ng vice presidente yung nasa 10 peso bill.

The people who always get left behind are the same people who usually survive the first round of volley fire.

When life serves you lemons, 檸檬茶!!!

To beat life, you go up up down down left right left right and in the end you hey, behave, and that's the only time you start living.

It's always a strange sight when a security guard delivers your food inside a restaurant. What should you do in return? Salute and say "Thank you, for keeping my Big Mac safe from the grasp of Hamburglar"? My happy meal has one more reason to be happy.

Alam mo, kapag may gusto ka sa isang tao, wag ka na magpatumpiktumpik. Sabihin mo agad ang nararamdaman mo. Wala naman mawawala sayo. Kasi kung gusto ka nya, gusto ka nya. Kung hindi, tapos pipilitin mo lang magbago ang isip nya sa ligaw, pano kung magbago ulit? Kung mas madali mo malalaman kung may pagasa ka, mas hin...di ka magsisi pag di umubra dahil nag-'invest' ka na.

We write with immortal ink now. Everything you leave here will be here for everybody to read many years after you've long since forgotten about your momentary thoughts. When you write, write as though you're doing it for your future self - and how much respect you think he will deserve.

Taking a crap while on an airplane is quite a strange experience, though I'm not sure why. It could be the turbulence, the altitude, or just the glare of the guy on the next seat.

Packing up things is a lot easier than packing up memories, because the latter eventually gets lost no matter where you keep them.

Some people spend their lives planning. Other people spend their lives trying to live out their plans. The happiest lot, of course, are those who just let the current carry them somewhere and say when they hit land "Ah, just as planned."

Ang pagibig parang water slide, kaunting tulak lang ang kailangan, nakakatakot, tapos di mo lang namalayan, limang metro na ang layo nung shorts mo kung nasan ka.

At the end of the day, it's not the work that you do but what work does to you that will shape the rest of your life. Specially if you happen to be a crappy boxer.

Give a man fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. If he can find fish.

Lately, the trend's been taking pictures with highend cameras, and posting as much as humanly possible online through social networking. 10 years from now the children would probably ask us what we were smoking to find these things interesting. Me? I'd probably just say we just woke up one day and realize we really sucked at remembering things.

True leadership is not in making decisions. Any monkey can pick between a few options. True leadership is in the ability to provide people the options that exist but cannot see for themselves.

I could tell you now that five years on we'd be laughing about what's making you so down right now, but you hate spoilers, and I hate having to explain my jokes.

Ang puno na totoong malusog, hindi takot malaglagan ng prutas. Magbubunga at magbubunga sya ulit sa katagalan.

Make room for change at the beginning of every day. Sa mga hindi nakakaintindi, BARYA LANG PO SA UMAGA.

Don't preoccupy yourself too much waiting for a sign. Sometimes the best sign is the lack of one, in the same way nobody prepares for an earthquake when the ground is already shaking.

Ang mga totoong bagay, di mo na kailangan pang paulitulitin sabihin para lang maging totoo. Hindi mo kailangan sambitin na sisikat ang araw bukas, o na mapapaso ka pag lumapit ka sa apoy. Totoo yun eh. Kapag kailangan mo pa sabihin ng paulitulit sa harap ng maraming tao, yan ay dahil di ka rin sigurado, at gusto mo lang ng karamay.

A typical jeepney driver has to look for passengers along the road, pick an optimal route amidst traffic and dropoff requests, avoid traffic violations, monitor passenger payments, perform cashier work, make mental estimations on fare costs, balance out fuel costs against the gross quota.

Powerful pictures need neither powerful men nor powerful cameras.

Far less attention will given to how you get the colours you need compared to what grandiose picture you paint. Never let what you have to do now get in the way of what you want to do in the future.

You probably don't know it now, but I'm from the future, and I'll tell you - these idle, passing moments are those that you'll miss the most one day, because the significant things will be marked by mementos, memoirs, and memories, but for the rest you will have nothing but unceasing wonder what happened in between. - 1010: The Library of Hearts

Ganun lang talaga ang buhay, parang gulong. Minsan ikaw ang gulong, minsan ikaw yung taeng nasasagasaan.

here's nothing scarier than having everything that makes you happy and realizing how much you can lose.

Sometimes, even with all the planning in the world, things still break down and leave you helpless. Times like these, you gotta do two things: Quit being so serious, and have faith that there's a greater plan in play.

A bottle of beer is a weapon, a health pick up, and an enemy boss all just waiting to happen.

Some things are beautiful precisely because they appeal to nobody else but you.

If we allowed those tiny lego people to vote, can we still frown upon block voting?

Reasons for running keep on changing nowadays. Back then, we only had one type - "Takbo para iwas kalaboso" and it worked all the time.

Sabi mo sa sarili mo, heto na, sasabihin ko na sa kanya ang nararamdaman ko. Tapos sasabihin mo, mamaya na lang. Tapos bukas, sa makalawa, sa isang linggo, sa isang taon, kasi nasa isip mo lagi naman may susunod na pagkakataon. Nagkakamali ka. Walang kasiguraduhan sa kinabukasan. Ang meron lang ay ang ngayon, at ang nagsisising nakaraan.

Today reminded me of something important. When you learned to ride the bike, the first thing you were asked to do was to stop worrying about the details and just keep your sights on the horizon. Sometimes life's just like that. Find a goal beyond what's obvious and the rest will fall into place.

Every now and then we come across turnpikes in life that force us to decide which way to go. One path leads us nearer to our goals, the other leads us towards the evil red-head henchman of Takeshi's castle.

Never be afraid to go after your dreams. They're not real anyway, so they can't fight back.

I'm thinking one reason why I'm scare of Santa Clause even as a kid is because of that one time he came from the roof and took our television set and radio

Sure, he's God's gift to women. But only for Kris Kringle, and only if the theme is "something ironic".