MRT Etiquette

a corned beef ad. how fitting.


The general law of MRT etiquette, as stated by Bob Ong many years ago, goes something like this:

No matter what, there is no reason for you to push. If you're late, that's not our problem.

When falling in line entering the MRT station, do everybody a favor by going with the right thing. FALL IN THE DAMN LINE. If in the confusion of falling in line, your companions get seperated, do not worry. They will not be kidnapped by the Abu Sayyaf. Nobody kidnaps people who can't afford personal transportation when there are better alternatives around (like people from La Salle and Ateneo). There is no reason for you to force them to cut the damn line just to be with you.


Ladies, understand that both the station and the trains will be packed and understandably, people will inevitably brush against you. Despite what your brain might be thinking, not everybody is interested in grabing your breasts. A .25 second titty contact with an elbow is probably accidental, specially if you're old/ugly/a man with tits/all of the above.

When waiting to board the train, don't be an asshole by blocking the middle path of the train doors. People are supposed to come out and the longer you stand in their way, the longer people won't be able to go in. You don't stick your finger up your ass for a reason. The same applies to trains.

The poles in the train exist so people can have something to hold on to while the train is moving. To guys out there, please resist the urge to lean, hug, molest the poles. One, it's not hygienic. Two, poledancing men in public is frowned upon by most of us (except probably the well-dressed man at the back who has this weird smile)

To the ladies again, timecheck. We're in the 21st century. As far as I know, we've already settled that equality problem a few decades back. If you can't find a seat and you see a man sitting, it's not his RESPONSIBILITY to stand up and give you her seat unless you're old, sick, pregnant, or irrisitably sexual in nature.

The emergency exit "handle" above the doors is not meant for people to hold on to. Don't be a stupid sunnovabitch and keep your hands off it if you don't feel like repainting the railway with your brainjuice.

We all have cellphones, and I bet your cellphone is so awesome, it can actually play any type of music anywhere you are. It's good to take advantage of technology, but you know what other technology you should be aware of? EARPHONES. Nobody gives a shit if you like listening to Poker Face to prep you up for a day answering breadtoaster support calls from Utah. Keep your music to yourself.

Speaking of loud things, conversations are allowed, but keep them to a minimum. What works in the fleamarket doesn't inside a train. Keep subjects within the general patronage level. Your chismis about your neighbor's new venerial wart can wait until you and your friend are out of the train where we won't have ear hemmorage.

When making phonecalls, understand that the train makes very loud sounds. Don't shout to make your message heard. Use SMS for one of the few legitimate reasons it was made for.

We do not want to learn about how busy your day was through your body odour. When travelling during morning, brush your teeth and take a bath. It's what Jesus would do. In the afternoon, try to freshen up a bit before riding the MRT.

Lastly, I cannot stress this enough. Before you do anything, think if you'd want it done to you. Don't be an asshole. Nobody likes assholes. Except maybe sexually active homosexuals.

But you get the point.