5 Cosplay Stereotypes You'd Rather Not Meet

I won't deny it. I enjoy attending those geeky anime conventions and I like watching cosplays. I've been doing so for almost five years now and I'm only half ashamed to say I've taken part in such events myself a couple of times. It's really all fun and games, once you realize you can do with out some things like face and dignity (and proper ventilation for most cases).

But like all gatherings of people, however, there are still some unlikeable bad sides to these conventions. Did I say sides? I meant people. Here are the five stereotypical people that I'd really rather not have mingling around the convention for multiple reasons.

#5 Axe Gang Cosplayers:

So there's the scene: A floor area designed for five hundred people gets filled with more than a thousand con-goers because the organizers want as much money back for their investment as possible. Halfway during the day, the airconditioning breaks down and after that, it's a free for all struggle for oxygen. The first casualties? You can always bet on the cosplayers wearing the heavy "armors". Yeah, those thick costumes quickly turn into mobile saunas once the air outside closes in on room temperature.

Rational cosplayers know this is the time to back down, to remove their gear and to just wait till they really need to show their costumes off. Other people brave on and fight against all odds, tired, sweating and unarmed - with deodorant. And you can smell their courage from across the convention hall. Over 9000, motherfucker.

I really don't get these types. Cosplaying will obviously render you sweating even in the most ideal conditions. We're not in Europe where body odor is a statement. We're in the goddamn tropics, in case you haven't seen a world map. You wear deodorant always, and more when you know you'll need it.

I remember one time I got my photo taken with a chick in a knight outfit. She put her arms on my shoulder to strike a pose. She was drop-dead gorgeous and I felt I could drop dead just inhaling the noxious vapors coming from her exposed armpits.

Good cosplays shouldn't get fucked up by lack of deodorant. Geez.

#4 Female-Male-Female Cosplayers

I acknowledge the fact that in the cosplay world, women can be more flexible because they can cosplay both as male and female characters. Men tend to cosplay characters of the opposite sex just for the laughs, and very rarely because they bat for the other team. Unfortunately, that also just makes things twice as complicated.

So there I was, walking around the con when I saw from behind this awesome Ragnarok Online character cosplay. I walked up to her and looked at her from the front. To my dismay it was this horrible looking guy. I could've heard my fantasies scream out in horror shortly before dying out. Nontheless, it was my mistake and composed myself. I told him how much I found the crossplay funny. He didn't look too amused. And then somebody called him by a girl name, because, apparently, she was really a girl and that I was right the first time around. I remember just walking away from that scene and promptly applying antiseptic to my eyes.

Well now, that can't really be all my fault right? Listen. If you look androgynous (i.e. somebody who has two sex organs) and don't want people confused, don't tempt people into making mistakes about your genders by, uh well, using something that could make them thin otherwise. Maybe put a mask on or something. Fuck if I know.

#3 Recycled Cosplayers

Next on our list are recycled cosplayers. No, we're not talking about people reusing their costumes here. Costumes can be expensive things so reusing them every now and then is not really a bad thing. I don't mind, say, seeing that hot Tifa cosplayer from the Animax WCG Championships last year again and again. I'm not talking about cosplayers using recycled materials too. That's actually creative and done properly, it can even make the cosplay even more appealing. Remember that Jenova cosplay where they used painted electrical conduits for Big J's wiring? That was cool.

What I'm talking about are unintentional Earth Day advocates who went a bit too far by wearing what looks like something that's up for recycling and call it cosplay. It's all good, actually, if you're cosplaying the Taong Grasa look, or Oscar the Grouch (provided youre hairy enough and you have green hair). When you see these people, you just get moved by pity and reach into your pocket for spare change.

These stereotypes also often rival Axe Gang members in terms of having a strong aura of "courage". And by "courage" I mean the scent of rotting Payatas-grade garbage. Like, if you really need to use cardboard for your cosplay, you don't have to use a box that had already been used as a garbage bin for dog shit. Really. I'm sure the trees won't mind if you use something more hygienic.

#2 Circles Can't Be Squares Cosplayers

Remember that Batman movie where the actor portraying Batman isn't actually bodybuilt like somebody who can actually snap a thug in two? And then he had to resort to wearing plastic armor with fake nipples to look the part? Well actually that's almost all Batman movies save for Christian Bale's.

Our next stereotypes are the people who are like the actors, minus the plastic armor. The result? A very emaciated Batman who looks like more in need of calories than crime fighting opportunities. Let's face it. Anime male characters are either skinny thin or ripped as hell. Take Archer for example. He's ripped as fuck. Cosplayers on the otherhand are either overweight or malnourished. Sadly, workout and proper diet seems to very rarely fall in with the costume preparations phase of cosplaying nowadays, so we end up with awkwardly placed cosplays of macho characters by very skinny people.

It's like seeing the food shortage take effect long before it really became an issue.

Actually workout and diet shouldn't be too necessary if you follow one cardinal rule: DON'T COSPLAY SOMEBODY WHO DOESN'T HAVE YOUR BODYFRAME. Simple. Easy. Of course, you can always go bodybuild if you need some muscles, but that's something easier said than done (this coming from somebody whose hobby is to type long articles about bad cosplays in front of a pc)

[Okay this article is becoming too long. I'll stop now first and just post the #1 later. Feel free to convince me what #1 should be until then]