Dates, Dates, Dates

There are just some dates that don't work out the way they're supposed to. Or not supposed to, depending on your level of pessimism and/or menstrual angst. I was thinking of a really curious way to dispel a date faster than antibiotics kills dysmenorreha [sic] while passing time in MoA earlier. This is what came out:

girl: Isn't this just dreamy? I think I've seen this scene in a movie before.
guy: yeah, every date with you is like watching widscreen version.
girl: excuse me, what did you just say?
guy: Sorry, I wasn't saying it clearly enough. I mean, I feel like I'm with IMAX.
girl: IMAX? How dare you! I'm not that fat!
guy: and every time the feature is always about bigass dinosaurs on PMS.
girl: This date is so over.
guy: Great, I've been wanting to watch some other movie already.
guy: This whole godzilla thing is no longer working out for me.
girl: Fuck you and your entire clan!
guy: That expression of yours will make good promotional poster by the way.
guy: Just a tip.

Sometimes you just have to put your best foot forward during a date. Othertimes, it's that same foot that must go up somebody else's ass. If you're the guy in this case, it'd be your foot up your own ass - probably shoved by an enraged date.

I'd rather be dead than be caught saying that to a date. God knows what happens when you cross that fine line into the territory of unprovoked comments about woman's weight. I've had several friends missing already because of that.

I still see there faces.

On the back of milk cartons.

Well not really but it'll probably say:

HAVE YOU SEEN HIS MAN?
Noberto Cruz, aged 20, he was last seen wearing longsleeves and funky date hair.
Last known whereabout is somewhere in Tomas Morato with a date.
He was saying something about how some asses dont deserve shorty shorts.
If you see him, kindly notify him that he's the first one to actually surive a raging-demon-phenomenon.

So to all the guys out there, don't push it. You may think it's a good way to stop bad things from going wrong, but exploding an atomic bomb to fix an itch wont be worth it.

Unless of course you like pain in a strange erotic way.

In which case, make sure other people wont get caught in the blast.

Trust me, when it happens, people will get hurt.