Putting The Emo In Remote.

There are few things in our house that get lost more often than the remote controls of the televisions. And even though we live in a flat no bigger than 50 meters, looking for the remote control is always like digging for oil - a successful find is based on luck, politicking, basic geodesy and getting down and dirty while digging through rubbish for a potential hit.

And it's not like anybody intentionally hides the remote control. It's like the puzzling phenomenon of the tangling of cords, hairstrands, garden hoses, rope or just about anything long enough to get tangled. Nobody really intends to entangle those things and yet, it's almost like mysterious elves come into your house when you're not looking and play Dr. Quack Quack with those things, so you have something to fuss over later. Anyway, losing a remote control is basically like that. It just disappears (even though nobody claims to have last used it - and nobody probably ever will.)

It's amazing how far a simple remote control can get. Seriously. Here's a list of places where we've found the remote controls of the televisions at home over the years:

- Inside the freezer
- Inside the bathroom
- Waste basket
- Inside the car - after a very long road trip
- Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

For the last case, the remote's actually for the TV inside our house in the same country. But yeah, it did get lost (and I'm not sure whether we ever found it, or if we had to buy a new one). So when the Americans tell you they cant find Bin Laden in the desert, take their word for it. Just because the place is filled with nothing but sand doesnt mean it's any easier to find stuff there. In any case, Bin Laden is probably hiding with the remote control - so the chances of ever finding either of them is bleak.

Then there's the game of "last touch". When I say "last touch" this does not necessarily mean the last person who actually used it. Oh no, that'd be too easy. What we have here is a basic democracy of mooting systematically until somebody gets pissed and begins blatantly accusing one of the house members who the accuser things is the last person who last "touched" it. It's like playing Cluedo - except the crime is stealing and deliberately "hiding" the remote control. And crime per se is not a requirement. Motive is often enough.

As if getting accused that you've hidden the remote is bad enough, when evidence gets found that potentially incrimates you (i.e. the remote was found somewhere near your personal belongings, like 10 meters away from your bag) - you're already as guilty as Hitler.

And the punishment? Nothing really. Think of it as getting caught shoplifting where your picture gets plastered on every cashier and entrance of a supermarket and any missing goods will always be blamed on the "usual gang of suspect" (suspect, because it'll be clear that by rep you're always working alone). In the same light, all missing remote controls will be attributed to you for the next, let's say, twenty years to life.

I may or may not have experienced this once or thrice in my lifetime.

Clearly, there's a problem with the system.

As a solution to the problem , I suggested that we place the remote on top of the TV after we're done using it. And the reply I got?

"It's a remote control. Having to get near the TV to use it defeats its purpose."

One cannot simply beat that arguement.