Still More Airplane Woes

What I'm about to talk about happens on every flight save for this one flight that I've been in. So if you've had the chance to travel on an airplane, chances are you've seen this. And you're probably one of the idiots I'll be talking about.

The airplane you're riding lands on the runway. It slows down, eases out of the taxiway towards the tarmac/tube. If your flight's going to Manila coming from Hong Kong, expect some clapping. If it's from the Middle East, expect a lot of clapping. No big deal there.

And then what? Now what happens next annoys me. And it happens on every flight. EVERY DAMN FLIGHT. The stewardess will announce to "please remain in your seat until the plane has coasted to a full stop and the 'fasten your steatbelt' lamp has been switched off."

Her instruction is clear right? We all sit prim and proper, seatbelts latched on and wait for the 200 ton contraption made up of 500,000 vibrating pieces to coast to a complete stop. Easy? WRONG.

The people start standing up right after the announcement, acting completely opposite of what's asked of them. They're like f'ing meerkats peering out of their underground shelters after the storm. Cellphones get switched on, luggage bins start popping open, - if you look had enough, I'm sure you'll see people doing cartwheels just to add to the commotion.

And for what? They just get their bags and stand there. On the aisles. You get to thinking you're riding the rush hour bus along EDSA. It's annoying. It's ridiculous. And it probably poses some danger to the rest of the passengers on board.

If you're one of these people, here are some fun facts:

- No matter what the little boy inside your head says, the captain will not hurry up in parking the metal bird you're riding just because you people are already standing up.

- Even if you stand up in the aisles and jump up and down like a raving monkey, it is virtually impossible for you to get off the plane while it is moving and the doors remain pressurized.

- The plane will not leave with you still onboard. Trust me, they want you out of their plane as badly as you do, if not more.

- You were able to sit in that plane for 2 hours or more (possibly even 14 if coming from the United States), and contrary to popular belief, it will not kill you to sit your ass for 15 more minutes.

- There are no free drinks for the first 20 passengers to leave the plane And if ever there was such a thing, you still wont be able to get it because the first 20 will be from the first class cabin, and never from your economy class.

- There are no motherf*ing snakes on the motherf*ing plane so you need not get off so quickly. And no, Samuel L. Jackson ain't onboard either.

With those things in mind, I hope the next time you're flying, you'll take care not to bring the total IQ onboard down. Contrary to popular belief, there is no IQ restriction of 20 for passengers.

In fact, it is implicitly encouraged to bring as much as you can.

Because the last thing anybody would want, is to be trapped in a tin can flying 30,000 feet in the air with a set of assmonkeys who can't even follow a simple "remain seated" instruction.

And if you're wondering about the the title, it's because of this:
http://redkinoko.blogspot.com/2006/06/airplanes-and-cellphones.html