10 Reasons Why Twilight ABS-CBN Is Cool

So it seems that ABS-CBN is planning to launch a TV Series officially based on the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer. While seemingly a hoax most retards in this country fell for, I'll indulge and throw my centavos in and give everybody 10 reasons why Twilight can be done by ABS-CBN properly.

===================

10. From the looks of it, massive amounts of drugs were involved in making the Twilight movie, something that should be right up the alley of actors of our country who kept on protesting against mandatory drug testing a few years back.

9. The Twilight Movie had shitty 70s era special effects. The people who made Kabayo Kids and Kapitan Barbel (the original movie) a spectacular hit would be able to replicate those things down to the last draw-shit-on-the-film lightning effect.

8. The leading actor has unexplainable bouts of catatonia. Sounds like a job for Jorros Gamboa
whose most glorious and moving moments on screen are those where he didn't have to move at all (or show up for that matter).

7. A vampire movie where vampires don't like to suck blood and instead love playing baseball? That's at about the same level of stupidity as a sentient, killer Christmas Tree. Oh yeah, you remember that shit now, don't you? If we can make that work in Shake Rattle and Roll, this should be a walk in the park for our amazingly creative writers.

6. The lead actress gets kidnapped by the bad dude and is brought to an abandoned place where the lead man needs to follow the bad dude and thrash the place without any policemen arriving until the last part of the movie? I'm starting to think THEY'RE the ones ripping us off.

5. Speaking of lead actresses, we have a girl who's pasty as hell and is still attractive on the standards of most people on the film. It'd be so much more understandable here in the Philippines where Colonial mentality says "the whiter the better".

4. Instead of having to reason out that it's always cloudy here, we can always just say that Vampires like to stay in Manila because people who wear glitters on their skin around here aren't looked at with surprise. We just assume they're being proud of their homosexuality and get on with our lives.

3. We have lots of indians who sell cars and other sorts of things too. A different kind of indian, but indian nonetheless.

2. Harry Potter wasn't available.

1. The book wasn't good anyway and you fucking know it. You can't ruin garbage by turning it into shit.