Conversations In My Head

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Many people wonder where I'm getting all the stuff I write here. Some people suspect that I have an army of smuggled slaves at the basement of my house writing random shit everyday. They're wrong though, the slaves aren't there for writing, theyre there to keep my house from getting flooded, but I digress. I actually have a bunch of personas in my head talking to each other all the time about the randomest of things and do nothing else, kinda like corporate bums without the cup of coffee in hand. A typical convo would go something like this:

Pubes: Dude. What's with the names?

Titiks: Don't ask me man. At least yours is still a bit discrete.

Pubes: Still not something I can go brag about to my future children.

Titiks: It'd go like "Kids, you know where my name came from? Shag rags. Shag bushes."

Pubes: Shagbush. I like that. Sounds like every American-hating terrorist's wet dream.

Titiks: Uhh I'd rather not go there.

Pubes: Anyway why are we here, instead of a coherent post?

Titiks: Coherent is something I haven't seen or heard around this place for a very long time. Like God showered the world with coherence and this place turned into the Sahara of Coherent thought.

Pubes: "Welcome to Public Static. Surrender your remaining IQ to the big muscular guy at the entrance."

Titiks: ... You know what ticks me off? It's like every other person who stumbles upon this site manages to misread the title into pubic static.

Pubes: If there's such a thing as pubic static, I imagine it to be God's way of punishing frequent masturbators. Masturbate a lot, pubic static builds up. Next thing you know, you get electrocuted for being so lecherous.

Titiks: If we can just tap that energy and we'd have solved the energy crisis of this country.

Pubes: If wanking off produces electricity, Japan would probably be able to supply electricity for half the world.

Titiks: Next thing you know, America's raiding the country for attempting to enrich weaponized porn.

Pubes: I'll never look at Bukakke the same way again.

Titiks: Or the common carrot.

Pubes: What?

Titiks: Nothing.

So yeah, ideas ahoy.

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