What's In Nigeria?

(subtitle: Fuck Nigeria.)

First of all, if you gave me an unlabeled map right now and asked me to pinpoint Nigeria, I wouldn't be able to point it out even after 20 tries. I'd just estimate it somewhere between Somalia and Morocco (in case you don't know geography either, that's a shitload of covered area, in layman's terms). Simply put. I don't know fuck about the place.

What I do know is that they have a federalist government. They have a Nigerian Central Bank. And, there's some douchebag named Peter Aka living there. Why do I know these things, you ask?

The answer is simple. Emails. Lots and lots of godforsaken emails. I have a strong theory that sending scam mails is a national past time there. It's like half of the scam mails that I recieve daily is from some douche from Nigeria. Given that my email account has been active since 1998, and that the number of spam an account recieves is proportional to its age, that's a whole lot of Nigerian emails.

I keep on receiving on a very regular basis scam mails from this country, always trying to launder off some ill-placed wealth "with your assitance". It's almost like I have fanmail, except replace "fan" with "bullshit".

This week, I've recieved at least 10 emails from that country, all of them trying to launder off money from a bank, the central bank, some dead guy's wealth, stocks, securities commission, and the local brothel (I'm not sure for the last one, I think it's from another type of email) Well not to be a dick and all, but from what little I know, Nigeria isn't exactly 24 karat Shangri La. I'm not even sure how they manage to survive there without food or water, how much more spend time writing me a mail asking for "help".

Nigerians are the world's happiest people according to the World Happiness Index and they've held that record since forever. That makes them happier than the Swedes (who have the best lifestyle), the Japanese (where lolita pr0n is legal) and the Dutch (where drugs is 100% legal).

It seems they're so fun loving, they just have to waste money they could be using to buy food so they wont starve to death to pull elaborate pranks on strangers from another country they don't even know. How selfless. And by selfless, I mean retarded.

The sad part is that I know I'm not the only one getting these emails; That somewhere, across the world or across the street, there's always this greedy dumbass bitch who buys the con and falls for it hook, line, and stupid.

Nigerians should start conning people for lives. That way anybody stupid enough to fall for stuff like these don't stay stupid for long. (Because dead people can't be counted - they're dead).