I got this list from Ragnaboards and thought the list lacks some finer details. I've decided to add some comments of my own for your reference. If you find this list incomplete, that means I'm still in the process of thinking up of things to add. This does not mean I am a lazy bastard. It simply means I have high regard for the quality of the work I post here.
1--"Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
Only because we can't do the usual "Sup f*cker?!" greet we give our guy friends.
2--Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
True, we think about them so hard, we start perspiring and breathing hard and...
3--Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.
So never take our word for anything said over the phone. We _really_ make things up.
4--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
Specially if the smile is for somebody else other than us.
5--Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
Like how many murders do I have to commit?
6--Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
So as we were saying, it's not the size that counts...
7--A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
Because every guy has this ill-keep-you-in-my-basement-if-i-can mentality and this is about as close as it gets without doing something criminal.
8--Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
If it can be done using legal documents, we'd appreciate it for future reference.
9--Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
The same way we dont talk about the GROs we hung out with last night at the bar. Keep to the code, man.
10--Guys get jealous easily.
See #7, posters and print ads for more details.
11--Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.
We only cry after we masturbate - in secret.
12--Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
My favorite assumption is that I did something no earthling should do to a martian. Also, you're an alien until we prove otherwise.
13--Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
Other times, it's really just a speech impediment, not love.
14--Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
At least until we find a means to earn money through secretly watching porn. After that, money will never be a problem again.
15--Girls are guys' weaknesses.
Coming close second is getting hit in the nuts really hard.
16--Guys are very open about themselves.
At least until you start asking us about our fetishes. What fetish? That whip is NOT mine.
17--It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.
STDs are just too common nowadays. Follow this rule.
18--Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
Or maybe it's not really about the help part. It could also be the cleavage.
19--If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
Last time I checked this is for women. I'm starting to suspect this list is actually made by women.
20--A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
Calling you a two-timing pukebitch crack wh*re, however, is an exception.
21--Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
But until somebody loses an eye, gets pregnant, or dies, it cant be serious now can it?
22--Guys will brag about anything.
This includes bragging about being able to brag about anything.
23--Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful.If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.
Or they're gay. Gay men like to use that word a lot too.
24--No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
AND asses and boobs.
25--Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
Also, porn. So when we go to the library and patiently wait for you to become randy all of a sudden, don't act surprised.
26--Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
Specially when there are candles involved. I fucking hate candles.
27--Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
I think it's safer for you to assume that's what we're thinking about, despite the rapist smile we have on our faces half of the time.
28--Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.
Or we think it's a good way to get a girl to fall for us. That's what WE think anyway.
29--Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
Because really, who would want to brag to other guys about something like that?
31--Try to be as straightforward as possible.
If we skip the dinner date, think of how much money we can save.
32--If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
And find something stupider to outdo himself with.
33--If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
Or he's under the influence of narcotics. Always open yourself to that possiblity.
34--When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
Knowing that you now know this little trivia, be prepared to see it being used by us to our full advantage.
35--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
Or you're annoying us and we might choke you to death if you don't. We don't want to go to jail.
36--Guys don't really have final decisions.
Yeah, because if we did that, rape would be legal already.
37--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
Or if possible, like maybe you should just listen to him EVERYTIME he talks because you know, it doesnt hurt to see the person you're talking to is actually listening.
38--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
It's also likely that your boyfriend knows how to break your bestfriend's spine in six different ways with only his left hand, and your best friend doesnt want to become a hunchback.
39--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
Instead of denying it, try proving it.
40--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
Most of us don't have ADHD, so it's just possible we're NORMAL.
41--Guys like femininity not feebleness.
And refute 3000 years of proven track record? Hell no!
42--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
Unless they're at the business end of her fists.
43--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
Sorry, all I read was "A guy, you , naked."
44--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
Nobody likes frigid bitches. It's not that we're giving up, it's that we're finding somebody else.
45--Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
Unless we're talking titties. We can never get enough of those.
46--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
We're more of a hands-on kind of people, if you know what we mean.
47--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
Exemptions when we do get the right kind of exclusive perks. *wink wink*
48--If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.
Or if your just in it for the sex, we'll accept that answer too. Or maybe prefer it. I dunno.
49--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
We're masochists, we admit it.
50--A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
Okay, it's final. This list is NOT written by a real man. I'd rather have my nuts as a set, thank you.
51--No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
Thankfully, we have beer. No admitting anything needed.
52--Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn't mean he represents ALL of us.
Just a case of 90% of us ruining it for the effeminate 10%.
53--We don't like girls who are too skinny.
(actually, in practice, we'd hit just about anything with a pulse and a workable vagina if you let us)
54--We love it when girls talk about there boobs.[sic]
And hate it when they talk about OUR manboobs.
55--Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not ....
Sort this thing out days BEFORE and not during. Those commitment talks are the medical opposite of viagra.
56--Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unnoticeable tell them about yours...
But dont overdo it. We dont give a shit about how Lancolm makeup is better than MAC or some shit like that.
57--When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
Or we really just want to hit your butt, like how we deal when we hate things.
58--Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..
Aim lower. Maybe 7 inches lower.
59--Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...
Girls who think rubbing necks are the best they can do are, I repeat, aiming too high.
60--Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.
In any case, if you really feel like it, keep the pepper spray ready. You'll never know if you're dealing with them criminal types.
61--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
In some cases, you just owe him large amounts of money and he's already planning to get it back by all means necessary.
Only because we can't do the usual "Sup f*cker?!" greet we give our guy friends.
2--Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
True, we think about them so hard, we start perspiring and breathing hard and...
3--Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.
So never take our word for anything said over the phone. We _really_ make things up.
4--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
Specially if the smile is for somebody else other than us.
5--Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
Like how many murders do I have to commit?
6--Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.
So as we were saying, it's not the size that counts...
7--A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
Because every guy has this ill-keep-you-in-my-basement-if-i-can mentality and this is about as close as it gets without doing something criminal.
8--Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
If it can be done using legal documents, we'd appreciate it for future reference.
9--Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
The same way we dont talk about the GROs we hung out with last night at the bar. Keep to the code, man.
10--Guys get jealous easily.
See #7, posters and print ads for more details.
11--Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.
We only cry after we masturbate - in secret.
12--Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
My favorite assumption is that I did something no earthling should do to a martian. Also, you're an alien until we prove otherwise.
13--Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
Other times, it's really just a speech impediment, not love.
14--Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
At least until we find a means to earn money through secretly watching porn. After that, money will never be a problem again.
15--Girls are guys' weaknesses.
Coming close second is getting hit in the nuts really hard.
16--Guys are very open about themselves.
At least until you start asking us about our fetishes. What fetish? That whip is NOT mine.
17--It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.
STDs are just too common nowadays. Follow this rule.
18--Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
Or maybe it's not really about the help part. It could also be the cleavage.
19--If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
Last time I checked this is for women. I'm starting to suspect this list is actually made by women.
20--A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
Calling you a two-timing pukebitch crack wh*re, however, is an exception.
21--Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
But until somebody loses an eye, gets pregnant, or dies, it cant be serious now can it?
22--Guys will brag about anything.
This includes bragging about being able to brag about anything.
23--Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful.If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.
Or they're gay. Gay men like to use that word a lot too.
24--No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
AND asses and boobs.
25--Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
Also, porn. So when we go to the library and patiently wait for you to become randy all of a sudden, don't act surprised.
26--Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
Specially when there are candles involved. I fucking hate candles.
27--Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
I think it's safer for you to assume that's what we're thinking about, despite the rapist smile we have on our faces half of the time.
28--Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.
Or we think it's a good way to get a girl to fall for us. That's what WE think anyway.
29--Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
Because really, who would want to brag to other guys about something like that?
31--Try to be as straightforward as possible.
If we skip the dinner date, think of how much money we can save.
32--If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
And find something stupider to outdo himself with.
33--If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
Or he's under the influence of narcotics. Always open yourself to that possiblity.
34--When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
Knowing that you now know this little trivia, be prepared to see it being used by us to our full advantage.
35--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."
Or you're annoying us and we might choke you to death if you don't. We don't want to go to jail.
36--Guys don't really have final decisions.
Yeah, because if we did that, rape would be legal already.
37--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.
Or if possible, like maybe you should just listen to him EVERYTIME he talks because you know, it doesnt hurt to see the person you're talking to is actually listening.
38--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.
It's also likely that your boyfriend knows how to break your bestfriend's spine in six different ways with only his left hand, and your best friend doesnt want to become a hunchback.
39--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.
Instead of denying it, try proving it.
40--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.
Most of us don't have ADHD, so it's just possible we're NORMAL.
41--Guys like femininity not feebleness.
And refute 3000 years of proven track record? Hell no!
42--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.
Unless they're at the business end of her fists.
43--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
Sorry, all I read was "A guy, you , naked."
44--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
Nobody likes frigid bitches. It's not that we're giving up, it's that we're finding somebody else.
45--Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
Unless we're talking titties. We can never get enough of those.
46--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
We're more of a hands-on kind of people, if you know what we mean.
47--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
Exemptions when we do get the right kind of exclusive perks. *wink wink*
48--If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.
Or if your just in it for the sex, we'll accept that answer too. Or maybe prefer it. I dunno.
49--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
We're masochists, we admit it.
50--A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.
Okay, it's final. This list is NOT written by a real man. I'd rather have my nuts as a set, thank you.
51--No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
Thankfully, we have beer. No admitting anything needed.
52--Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn't mean he represents ALL of us.
Just a case of 90% of us ruining it for the effeminate 10%.
53--We don't like girls who are too skinny.
(actually, in practice, we'd hit just about anything with a pulse and a workable vagina if you let us)
54--We love it when girls talk about there boobs.[sic]
And hate it when they talk about OUR manboobs.
55--Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy ...like wheather it's a one time deal or not ....
Sort this thing out days BEFORE and not during. Those commitment talks are the medical opposite of viagra.
56--Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unnoticeable tell them about yours...
But dont overdo it. We dont give a shit about how Lancolm makeup is better than MAC or some shit like that.
57--When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually
Or we really just want to hit your butt, like how we deal when we hate things.
58--Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..
Aim lower. Maybe 7 inches lower.
59--Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...
Girls who think rubbing necks are the best they can do are, I repeat, aiming too high.
60--Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.
In any case, if you really feel like it, keep the pepper spray ready. You'll never know if you're dealing with them criminal types.
61--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
In some cases, you just owe him large amounts of money and he's already planning to get it back by all means necessary.
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