The REAL Secret

Friday, January 23, 2009

Remember the craze over the stupid Purpose-Driven Life book that changed approximately one life (the author who I imagine swims over the money he got from the gullible toads who bought his book) and gave many others the impression that they might be able to improve their lives but couldn't anyway? Me neither. I have this way of forgetting stupid things real quick.

Anyway, I only recently learned of another bullshit self-improvement cum cultish belief set called The Secret. The jist of it is if you wish to the universe for something, and want it bad enough, you WILL get whatever it is that you ask for.

That's about as lazy as it gets.

It's kinda the same way we pray God for things, but this takes laziness to another level by even omitting the part of "Dear God" and just replace it with a big fat "whoever".

So basically, according to the theory of The Secret, or the so called Law of Attraction, the universe is your fucking Santa Claus, and you don't even have to write a goddamn letter, and it doesn't have to be Christmas. Jolly good!


You know what the real secret is? Wish for something hard enough and you'll end up soiling your pants from all that concentration. You know what the universe really does? It gives you things that you don't really want. And occassionally, what you want.


The sooner you accept this, the sooner you get a move on and just go get whatever the hell it is that you really want. You don't get bigger breasts by asking the universe for it. You go to Dr. Bello. You don't change genders by wishing the universe turn you into a girl. You watch Twilight over and over until your estrogen levels take over.

The Real Secret is not treating the universe like an indulgent parent you can badger into submission by repeatedly saying "Please". The Real Secret is treating the universe like your alcoholic uncle who occassionally babysits for you and your sister, to whom you can always say "Fuck you and your whiskey. I want to play outside so I'm going to play outside. If you go against it, I'll tell your wife you're having an affair with the laundry woman."

And that's the REAL Secret.

(the best part? You're getting all this shit for free)


PiBi said...

Your so totally right. I actually bought the book and believe it or not, I didn't even bother finish it. It was a waste of money too, boo.

Just dropping by btw. xD

Anonymous said...

Who's Dr. Bello?

Anonymous said...

My mom forced my cousin, my sister and I into reading the book and watching the film approximately two years ago.

I couldn't believe most of it.


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