Reunion Fun

I hate reunions. Don't get me wrong, I like to see acquaintances I havent seen in quite a while, granted I do not owe them anything and they do not have any warrants for my arrest.

Then there are those "formal" reunions. Highschool reunions, gradeschool reunions, organization reunions, family reunions where you are forced to attend. I hate them all. It's like nobody ever goes there to just be there. Everybody has to one up one another like Super Mario going for 99 lives.

(side topic: who was the person who discovered how to get 99 lives in mario? He's one tough hacker.)

And if they don't have anything to boast, people in reunions go around comparing. Either comparing you with other people in the reunion ("wow, james has more money than you red. Have you ever tried getting yourself adopted by your cousin?) or comparing you with your previous self ("you look darker than before. have you been working as a construction worker?")

It's public critic-a-thon with retards waiting on the line for any calls of opportunity to babble about useless comparisons. I hate it. You hate it. You know you do.

It's time to take an offensive, have fun at reunions. You know what's fun to do at reunions? Give the nitpicker attendees something to much like your foot - or, if you hate spending nights in jail, a comment or two.

That's right. Fight fire with fire.

Here's what you should do. Upon arriving, start a duck-shoot frenzy by using only a couple of words: "Tumaba ka." (You've gained weight) Watch smiles crumble with this one. It's a known fact that there's only one direction for weight without any clinical procedures: up. And it's a given too that people are no more insecure anywhere else than their weights.

They'd shut up and you get your piece of mind. Later (maybe much later when they decide they can one up on you), they'll go back to you and say something to come back at your comment.

But you can smile confidently and say "Not true. You're just trying to get back at me~".

With more and more people having their night ruined by your secret weapon, they'll start to grow uncomfortable and seek to end the circus as fast as they can. You all go home and then finally, you can go do what you want to do.

Of course you'll be losing an acquaintance or two but what the heck? With only idiots around, being antisocial is bliss.