I don't see how you can take an eye-candy game filled to the brim with nerd fantasy fetish-flavoured characters and barely any existing story to work with and still go wrong.I won't say this movie is a failure. It's not. But it's no Oscar-winning entry either. Here are the abridged comments I made during the viewing of the film (by comment, I mean yell-out-loud comments inside a silent theater kind of thing)
- Ayane (far right of the picture) ingame is a cute badass reminiscent of Evangelion's Rei Ayanami. The Ayane in the film looks like that weird American gothtard doing cosplay and failing miserably. Cosplay is a birthright-bestowed activity reserved for Asians. Stereotypes don't just pop out of nowhere, you know.
- Kasumi. Kasumi. Kasumi. (far left) Good work on the hair and makeup. Utter failure in the cupsize department, which is, ironically, probably the real reason why Dead Or Alive the game actually sells twice more than it should. Also, I've never seen Kasumi so dressed in my entire life. I almost feel like she's lost the will to do stripfighting and just turn into a nun. Still, Devon Aoki is cute in the outfit, even though she looks like she hasn't eaten anything in months.
- Hayabusa, Kasumi's pansy brother (a man, so not in the picture) is a joke. Game or movie, doesn't matter. Why do they even bother with this guy? He spends half the movie time in prison and the other half getting beaten up by the bad guys. When he gets rescued by Ayame (who for some gothtard reason digs him), he just disappears even though he was hellbent in rescuing kasumi only 5 minutes before. Behold the power of randomness.
- The bad guy is probably the worst ever. He's really really bad. By bad I don't mean villainy. I mean badly designed. For all the technology and budget in the world, they still managed to create an antagonist that's actually about as intimidating as a cardboard cut-out outside a GNC shop.
- The rest of the ingame characters do cameos. The movie tries to build them up a little by giving them short backstories, but fail to deliver afterwards since nothing ever gets resolved after they get defeated. (you dont even know where they go after they lose in the island tournament)
- The story? What story? First thirty minutes are spent introducing the characters in completely unrelated events. Next thirty minutes are spent showing the characters in sexual innuendos with their "love teams". Whatever is remaining gets spent on booty shots, more booty shots and some semblance of fighting (with lots of booty shots). Some movies have storylines so complex, you get lost in them. Dead or Live has a storyline so random, you just lose the plot entirely.
- This film is not deep or profound so I find it just right to not mention anything about acting - or the lack of it.
Still, given the timetravelling chance of being able to convince my past self 12 hours earlier to not watch the film, I'd let myself watch anyway, because like I said, I don't see how turning an eyecandy game with no story at all into an eyecandy movie with no story at all can go wrong.
You just can't. Like kissing your own elbow.
If there's anything slightly better than random, it's random with lots of tits.
Oh and yeah, this article has spoilers (not that it matters)
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