Fun With Clone Machines

Monday, July 07, 2008

I was watching a feature on Discovery Channel about cloning the other day when I though to myself, why would anybody want a cloning device? While it's cool to multiply people like Toni Gonzaga and Angel Locsin, such a technology going mainstream means we'd have state-of-the-art ugly factories too, producing copies of people like Vina Morales and your hideous tito who still thinks moustaches are the in thing.

So I took that as a challenge and thought of reasons why I'd want a cloning machine for myself. Here are the results.

1. Life insurances will be my new source of income. Everyday I'd just clone myself, have myself as my own beneficiary, and then proceed to shoot him with a revolver in the forehead twice. Or better yet, I'll make people who hate me shoot my clone in the forehead - and then charge them damages.

2. I don't have to use Adobe Aftereffects to create shitty film illusions to clone myself. In fact, I just might stage my own war movie, starring myself. Stunts will be performed by the clones.
Anybody who refuses gets offered up to my "life insurance" gig.

3. I'll beat the record number of inmates in that Cebu prison dance video of Thriller. As an added bonus, I'll have my clones do that and then reenact a war movie scene afterwards (see #3)

4. I'll create 50 copies of myself and enroll myself in one class. I bet roll call will be fun.

5. I'll clone Jose Rizal and Andres Bonifacio, make a couple of hundred copies, and then use them to invade Sabah. While my invasion might not succeed, I can most certainly use those extra non-working holidays they'll produce.

So what'll you do with your clones?


Xio said...

"So what'll you do with your clones?"

Create about 900 of them then have mall "checkpoints" inspect all our/my same bags all week.

riina said...

Okay, that had me laughing hard!


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