Blind Dating for Gentlemen

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Blind dates are like beggars. While they're not exactly forced on you, sooner or later you'd come across these. And while you can step aside or run away from them like an escaped lunatic, sometimes they just corner you and force you to deal with them. This guide will help you during those trapping moments. Or not.

1. All blind dates are 50-50. 50% says you're better looking than your date, the other 50% says you're uglier. Nothing will ever change that. The cardinal rule of blind dating is to not expect anything. The sooner you accept that having Angel Locsin magically appear in a blind date with you is zero, the sooner you just might be able to have fun with the cards dealt to you (yes, even if you get the occasional joker)

2. Meeting up can get tricky. You always have the option of making the girl reveal what she's wearing first so you can scout ahead of her, but that's not how gentlemen roll. Man up and tell the person what you're wearing or where you are. If the girl finds you revolting and runs off without showing herself, that's her problem. There's a special place in hell for people like that anyway (it probably looks like Afghanistan, where simply running off can get you lost in the desert and eaten by vultures and Taliban)

3. Just because it's called blind doesn't mean you should also act visually-cum-mentally handicapped. Have an itinerary ready, the same way you handle normal dates. List of restos, entertainment, and possible doodads should be in your head and ready to be checked at any point during the date. Let the girl decide by providing choices, but be ready to take the lead if she starts getting indecisive like how most women are genetically programmed (Anna, if you read this, I'm just kidding, baby).

4. The problem with blind dates is the first word, "blind". You're going in blind most of the time, meaning you have no idea what makes the girl tick or if the only common trait you have is that you both consume oxygen when breathing. Be inquisitive and don't shy on information either. Chicks dig getting asked. I think it roots to how every girl born in this country aspired to be Ms. Philippines at some point in their life (until they scarred their leg once and their parents told them they're no longer eligible) . As for things in common, the only way to prevent a situation when you have nothing in common or nothing to talk about is to learn about as many things as possible, from car engines to the latest season of House M.D. to nail polishes (if you're swinging partially that way). If you still get a zero commonality scenario, assume the "student" stance and then ask the girl to show you the details of any single interest she has (protip: menstruation is an exception. You do not talk about that ever.)

5. Another important rule is to be polite. Girls are girls, and despite the fact that no two girls are the same - they should be treated in the same way - with respect. That means not talking about dick jokes if she doesn't start it. Offering to carry her bag, open the door, take her home, and pay for the bill - unless she declines the offer (and only if twice). Do not allow her to get drunk and don't get drunk yourself - specially on the first date. And if ever you do get drunk, do not urinate on the table candle just to tell your date "that's how a fireman should do it".

6. No matter if you are romantically interested with the girl or not, keep the line open even after the date. Make sure you have followthroughs in the form of periodic communications, provided the date did not end horribly, like if any form of vehicle with sirens are present during your parting, it can't be a good sign. The goal of blind dates is to get people acquainted and not to have them produce babies after a night at some rundown motel just outside the Makati area. A girl who might not make a good girlfriend could make a good friend. Friends have friends, and your dream girl just might be one social network hop away. My point is this: don't burn bridges just because you don't like the face at the toll booth. Who knows? Some girls just grow on you. (but not all)

7. Last tip is be yourself. All dates are about getting to know the other person. If you come to a date as another person, that's already false marketing - a crime that should be punishable in our penal system. A gentleman should always come as himself, preferably fully clothed. Honesty is a rare commodity nowadays. Just being true to yourself is already a big positive, unless we're talking about HIV, in which case negative is positive. Or something. I'm getting confused too.

There you have it folks. Happy blind dating, or dating the blind, whichever suits your face, and her tastes.

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