Thing I Learned From Counterstrike

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Playing Counterstrike is one of those things in my list of "shit I did when I was younger" that I'm still unsure if I can share with my kids.

I started playing counter-strike back in 1998, long before playing network games became mainstream, and kept playing until graduating college back in 2004, at a time where even the homeless street kid knows what an "em-pi-payb" looks like. That's six years. A good 1/4 of my life I was playing this game, for at least a couple of hours per session.

I guess it's safe to say I was addicted. Now I'm no parenting genius but I think admitting you got addicted to something and being proud of it isn't a good thing.

But of course, it's not all bad. There were lessons to be learned in that game, if you thought really really hard. (or used hallucinogens). Here's what I can remember:

1. Humiliation is best done with the weakest of tools. Any joe can fuck people up with a magnum sniper rifle, but it takes a really big dick to use a pellet gun to open a sideshow of embarrassment.

2. Good fortune comes to those who wait. With a gun. In a particularly dark corner.

3. People are assholes, even if they're on your side. If there's anything in their inventory that can cause harm to both you and the enemy, expect those to be used where they can produce the most damage to both you and the enemy.

4. Following people is good for the team. It gives snipers from the other team targets while you pick them off.

5. You can't expect everybody to grasp the notion of "tactics". There are just some people in this world whose sole strategy in life is "Find an opening, storm the opening, shoot everything that moves, complain that some douchebag shot them from a nicely concealed spot". These people who don't really get to live long lives.

Corollary: (This are the people lesson #4 is talking about)

6. Nobody gets scared when you're trying hard to sound scary. Names like "darkshadow" and "evilkiller" only work when you're playing with 10 year olds. There's nothing scarier than a guy named PinkBarbie who murders with a pellet gun.

7. If you don't go to the toilet when your bladder is telling you to, basic instinct will start kicking in and you'll suddenly find yourself seating on a very wet seat.

8. There's always a reason to play CS. ALWAYS.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


You peed while playing CS. Way classy.


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