Bobsledding: Laziest Olympic Sport Ever

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I love watching the Olympics. They remind of me of all the exercise I'm not getting by sitting in front of the TV. Winter Olympics is even more awesome, because winter has it's way of playing down the noxious body odours associated with high-octane sports. Also, watching other people do sports with the additional handicap of working under nut-freezing conditions is pretty funny.

Of course, not all winter sports are created equal. Most sports that you watch will make you say "Holy shit, that guy must've lived with animals since childhood to be able to do that sort of thing!" Most sports, anyway. Others, a few selected activities that make you even question their objectives, hardly even qualify as a sport.

Yes, I'm talking about you, Bobsledding.

(cont.d)


Bobsledding is a sport where a group of two or four men will ride an unpowered sled down a narrow, banking, twisting ice track that goes downhill. Competitions are based on which team can go down the same set of tracks fastest.

I'm not sure how that sort of activity falls into the classification of sport. Left on its own, a bobsled will be able to finish the ice track anyway since it mostly relies on the athlete called GRAVITY. Sure, the athletes are able to make the sled go faster, but that's only because of their WEIGHT. Now I'm no expert in physical activities, but when a contest depends on the weight of the entry rather than the abilities involved, it's already less a sport and more of an agricultural show. (Biggest squash anyone?)

Sure, there's running at the start, but they don't even have to run all the way. They just have to sit on their asses after the ride gets going. That's about as lazy as it gets. Taking this ideal into other sports, imagine a 500 meter dash where runners just have to run the first 50 meters and then hop on motorcycles the rest of the way.

Automated motorcycles that they just have to sit on til the end of the race.

You know what bobsledding reminds me of? Rollercoasters. Bobsledding is like developing the sport of repeatedly riding rollercoasters and see who screams like a little bitch the least.

I'd probably lose if ever that sort of sport gets invented, but I'm not really bothered. At the rate my stomach is expanding, I might as well be bobsledding champion 5 years from now.

Thank that, Jamaica.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'd like to put your opinion to the test. Think the sport is that simple? Come out the try it! Call 518-523-1842.

REDKINOKO said...

Will do, but my ass might not take the terrible forces involved in sitting down.

Anonymous said...

I'm too scared to post my name (thank god for internet anonymity), but I will challenge your opinion on the said sport by asking you to personal give it a try. I shall now give you a phone number for you to call. 518-523-1842.

I know this will sound like i took offense, but please, you must understand that bobsledding is a perfectly strenuous sport that requires rigorous physical and mental exercise.

Sincerely yours,
Anonymous
President, Philippine National Bobsledding Association of the Philippines

doaz26 said...

Philippine National Bobsledding Association of the Philippines?

Sir I'm asking out of curiosity.. where the hell is Philippine National Bobsledding Association of the Philippines? Does the country have snow to begin with? If your the president of such association why do you hide in anonymity? 518-523-1842 is too long for a number in the Philippines. Yes, I'm questioning your credibility..

REDKINOKO said...

Hahaha. Let's put it this way. If the Philippines ever ends up with its own bobsledding organization, we'd have more things to worry about than having a nameless president.

Like maybe, we should worry more about Polar bears rampaging through our streets, and how to not get our nutsacks frostbitten from the new ice age.

PinoyPride2001 said...

We had Disney's world on ice here once.

Counted ba yun? Uhuhu!

Anonymous said...

Dear Redkinoko,

I am a bobsleigher and it's people like you who put down our oylmpic dream.

I work out 6x a week at a gym doing weights and cardio. I also spend two days at a track perfecting my sprint and push time.

During the season I am out sliding down a track 3 to 4 times a week on top of my daily work outs.

During off season I am at the track twice a week, gym six times a week and then at the ice house pushing and perfecting my start time.

I would like to see you push a 860 pound sled down an icy shoot at 130 km/h attempting to drive while 2G's are pushing on your head, this sport takes talent.

We push these sleds in under 7 seconds for about 30 meters, our pilot then drives the way down the track. YOU cannot just send a sled down its way on a bobsleigh course without crashing and hurting yourself. At the end the Brakemen has to stop a sled going 130km/h by pulling on handels, it takes several hundred meters to stop.

So before you open your mouth and bash another olympic sport which takes talent and hard work I would figure out the facts before you take to your computer to bash us.

 

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