House Cleaning

Saturday, April 28, 2007

I was cleaning to day and I realize now why rich people are seldom happier than poor people. It's because the richer you are, the bigger your house is, and the bigger your house is, the longer it's going to take you to f'ing clean it. The only way to have something cleaned is to find somebody to do it. And whoever does it will feel bad cleaning it too. As long as you live with people who feel bad about anything like cleaning, you'll be very much unhappy as well. There's no escaping the negative vibes.

And as long as there are big houses, slavery will be inevitable.

Anyway, I live in a very small area with my sister. 48 square feet. In case you cant imagine the size that's 5 mall parking lots split into two rooms and one bathroom. I've been cleaning for two hours every night for the past four nights and another four hours today and I still haven't even covered half the damn place.

I know, it might sound exaggerated, but you don't know the situation here. Cleaning up is almost criminal. Moving shit is harder than moving homeless people. Like for example you see a litter of bags on the couch and start moving them to a higher place where they don't occupy what rent payers should be occupying, you'd be blamed for the owner's inability to quickly retrieve what she needs.

Don't even get me started when somebody loses something. You were the last one to rearrange the house, even in the most slightest way - you instantly become responsible for every single piece of trinket in the house.

The only solution is to keep track of everything you move - either that or you'd have to be Yoda and sense the rightful place of everything. (I bet Yoda used his powers to look for the remote control a bit too much, that's why he looks like that.)

But since we cant all be yodas (George Lucas wont allow that), you'd have a list of items you moved - a log of sorts. For example:

Nail cutter - Found under the couch - placed inside the personals drawer.
Dirty looking paper with bloodstains - found beside TV - placed inside documents folder.
Mr. Smiley stationary - found inside refrigerator - (requesting persmission to discard)

Discard. Yeah, throwing away shit is harder than expelling illegal aliens. Everything has value, if not practical, it's sentimental. You'd think for all the wastefulness of people, they would'nt mind throwing a roach infested tumbler or two. "But JEeet, that was used for our 13thmonthsary!"

Cleaning around here requires less diligence than diplomatic skills. As with everything that requires diplomacy, the best way to get about things is to not go about it at all. As a result, nobody ever really cleans. It's been a while since I've last seen the floor. (And the KFC delivery dude who got lost under all that rubbish)

So you might be asking why I'm cleaning today.

Well, nobody's around to watch me clean. Nobody can complain. And if I throw away things now, there's a good chance nobody will remember they even lost what I threw out. Best of all, nobody gets to clutter up the place again - at least not for another week.

So there.

Also, here's something I learned the hard way today:

If you are going to stomp a cockroach to its death, make sure you're wearing slippers.

And no, damn it. I don't know where to find the nail cutter.

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