Memories of A Distant Past

1994- Hiphop and Metal was all the rage. Dragonball Z is the only real action-packed anime hitting local screens - and it's dubbed in English by Filipino translators. Sega's website is nothing more than a picture of Sonic and promises of more text content about the upcoming Sega Saturn. 90% of the A-B population doesnt even know that "internet" means.

Me? I was in fifth grade. Section A. My adviser for that year was Mrs. Ameurfina Andrade - widow, diabetic, and single parent to things that behave less like human children and more like imps straight from hell.

We frankly called her the Andradeum Monster, as represented in the Slam Jammers, a series of handdrawn comics my barkada made back then. Man, we hated that teacher.

She required us to write a "Dear Mom And Dad" report everyday, which our parents needed to sign. I usually didn't do it, because

a) it's stupid, report cards exist for that same reason
b) i hated being scolded by my mom for not performing well in school
c) im just plain lazy

One day she reported me to the principal's office. On the report slip it read, "No mom and dad."

In one test, she made what still is the world's dumbest exam question. It was in the final exam. The question went like: "Ano ang mas masarap, chicken or beef?"

I'm serious. The answer is beef. I almost failed the exam because of that.

We often ate at her house during lunchtime, as she offers better food at about the same price as the deathtrap that is our canteen. Her dogs hated me then and chased me evertime I go to her house. I'm sure if I go there now, they'd still make me know the fear of having a chunk of my buttcheeks bitten off by guard dogs.

She was the only teacher who made me dance hiphop. We performed hiphop dance during the mini-fair of that year, where 90% of the performers were metal and the only other hiphop performing group had all their members backing out for fear of death except one. The only performing member got hit by a coin thrown from the third floor down to the stage. We peformed right after that - wishing we had another chance at life. I got lucky.

She was the only teacher who made me sing. WI became part of a carol group for our christmas party and was photographed by the yearbook team with my mouth open. On the yearbook for that year, my picture was printed. It said "Najijingle na kami: part 1"

One time she confiscated all trading cards in the classroom because of rampant tex gambling. The following morning her son had the school's largest stash of trading cards - most rares looked extremely familiar.

She was the only teacher in my entire educational life who actually gave us "sleeping time". During that time, she had a policy wherein if you didnt want to sleep, you have to eat candy. But not just any candy. The candy should be bought from her. Dont ask. The hell if I know.

During my stay in her class. Our classroom almost burned twice, once during an actual fire drill. When smoke started filling the room, she sent us to the gradeschool library, three rooms away.

In the same wooden building.

That was 12 years ago.

Memories of my stay in her class are still sharp as hell. My class number back then was 48. Our classroom was three rooms past the gradeschool library, 2nd floor. The room had a hole at the upper right end of the flooring, enough to sink an entire leg.

When I finished fifth grade, I thought I'm the happiest man alive. Most of my classmates thought the same as well. But that was 12 years ago. Somehow, all that craziness was never replicated elsewhere. And it's somewhat nostalgic to think about it.

Then, just today, I opened my friendster bulletin and found this:

Mrs. Ameurfina Andrade has
now joined the Father in His Kingdom.

Her body lies in state at the San
Nicolas Chapel, La Huerta, Parañaque.

In this world where craziness is a norm and norms are but scorned,
we needed a teacher who thinked like the storm.
And though moments of passing we found nothing but rain,
it is through this madness we become surviv'bly sane.

Thanks and goodbye.