Leila De Lima For President

Monday, March 21, 2011

Leila De Lima : Your president, everybody's mom

Okay, so a few years back I made a vow - that so help me God I will help Kris Aquino become president if she makes so much as a sign that she wants to run. This was back in 2006, long before anybody even contemplated on the idea, because Public Static is all about firsts, FUCK YEAH. I still think she holds the right qualifications, even if popular trend says she's a joke.

You can read my previous case here.

But then NOYNOY happened, and the odds that after seven years the public will still want an Aquino in the palace is next to nil, not considering not considering the great Benigno rising up from the dead to save the lot of us. Because of this, the Kris Aquino project has been indefinitely shelved. I'm not saying our current president is a poor choice, I'm just saying I doubt well be seeing him in any monument or monetary unit anytime soon. We just screwed up our chance to have the best president ever, Filipinos. :|

So that said, I am endorsing another future possible: Leila De Lima, who is, as of this writing, the current head of the Department of Justice. Now she may not be the ultimate president, but think about it. Take one good look at her, how she acts, speaks, and carries herself from one scandal to another and try hard to not think of her as a mother.

It's going to be hard.

Because secretly, Future PRESIDENT Leila de Lima is channeling the "Nanay Mojo" of every Filipina Mother and is eating that for breakfast. She'd be like the proto-nanay of Pinoys.

Right now, she doesn't seem like she can do much. But then again, that's because she's being assigned to positions where she can't do much. I am willing to bet that if the president issues an executive order that Leila can act like she's the mother of every politico, she'd be spending days on end just dragging congressmen by the ear back to their houses and smacking the fear of the law back into them, as the Constitution intended.

"IF I HEAR YOU TALK ABOUT PORK ONE MORE TIME..."

Remember that time Leila De Lima was still in the Commission of Human Rights, which, next to the Philippine Association of Mga Komedyanteng Bungal is probably one of the most toothless organizations in the Philippines? She nearly turned it into a goddamn paramilitary outfit, marching towards military camps, barking at generals like they smacked her child once and now have the devil to pay for it.

Now imagine you give this scary lady power to actually do some damage. Give her some teeth. Give her the authority to knock teeth off. Do you still remember your mom at the moment she was about to give the younger you the throw down of your life? Wasn't that scary? THAT IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS.

Because in truth, even though for the last 30 years, we've had two war veterans, an action star, a mother capable of producing offsprings like Kris and Noynoy, we've never really had a president who can scare the rest of the government shitless. And like kids who didn't grow up with a good dose of fear in their system, our government has become insolent. And curing insolence is what mothers do best.

Leila De Lima is the mother that this country needs right now. She's the president who'll pull down your shorts, beat your ass, and wish you'd never squandered a single peso of tax payer money in your entire life.