Things a Nintendo 3DS Can Do

Thursday, June 24, 2010

During the recently concluded and unsurprisingly lackluster E3, Nintendo managed to salvage the lackluster show by unveiling the Playboy Mansion of portable consoles (i.e. it contains pretty much everything you've ever wanted) The Nintendo 3DS The following list include both confirmed and (partially) speculative features that the new Nintendo DS is capable of. This list is by no means exhaustive or comprehensive.

- Play 3D-enabled games
- Take 3D pictures
- Shoot 3D videos
- Play 3D movies
- Download games from the internet
- Chat with other DS users via WiFi or the Nintendo network
- Enable GPS-based gameplay (more after the cut)
- Behave like a wiimote with tilt, acceleration, and vibration detection
- Provide Dual multi-touch interface screens
- Surf the internet
- store data organizer details synchronizable with your computer
- balance taxes
- Pleasure your woman
- Make Crème brûlée better than your mother.
- do standup comedy
- run for office of the president
- run for office of the vice president sucessfully
- summon akmodan, lord of the nubian underworld
- accept quarters and dimes
- vend coffee
- mate with your girlfriend (accessories required)
- reproduce asexually

With these features in store, it's safe to say that the 3DS is going to be the SHIT.

In other news, Sony unveiled their Sony MOVE, which is the tech world's equivalent of a shoddily copied homework submitted four days late. What happened, Sony?

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